You always said that I asked too much from you and that I was hard to love. Every day you reminded me of how cruel you were to me when you said that I was cold and emotionless.
You told me that you deserved more than I could give you and you never gave me the love that I wanted. You were and are a narcissist who would always turn things around, telling me that I was to blame for every fight that we had.
And you were never the type of man who would own up to your mistakes and say that you were sorry. Instead, you took my words and twisted them in a way that suited you.
At that time, I was going through hell, even though I fought to get away from you. Every day, I prayed that you would change for the better because unlike you, I still hoped that there was some good in you.
Still, you had the audacity to tell me that it was all my fault while you were playing the victim. I cried myself to sleep every night, thinking about how I needed to change because I wanted things with you to work so badly.
But the only thing that came out of your mouth was that my love for you was not enough. Every time we had an argument or a fight, you would put me down.
And why? Because you couldn’t be the guilty one, since that would mean that you weren’t as perfect as you thought you were.
You were always a narcissist and I failed to see that for a long time.
You were so absorbed by your ‘perfection’ that you couldn’t see your flaws.
It was always someone else’s fault and in our case, it was me who needed to carry that burden. But I know that you wished you were more like me.
You were always jealous and even my friends noticed that but I didn’t believe them. You knew that I was better than you at certain things but you were too much of a coward to admit it.
That’s why the only way you could feel good about yourself was to insult me whenever you got the chance. I truly felt as if I wasn’t good enough, nor would I ever be.
You used those times to take me down and crush my dreams because you couldn’t stand that a woman was better than you. Our relationship was merely a competition for you and not companionship.
You never saw me as your equal. What’s even worse is that you were losing and you couldn’t take it.
In the end, you made sure that I suffered for my accomplishments rather you ever celebrating with me. However, for me, it was never a competition.
The saddest part is that you couldn’t admit that you’re a narcissist who’s incapable of loving anyone but himself. You couldn’t accept anyone into your life properly because you’re too preoccupied with yourself.
You don’t possess the capacity to love anyone else and you prove that every day. The failures in our relationship were never yours, they were mine; or at least that’s what you told me.
But I remember how hard you screamed at me and every time you did that, I closed up inside myself and hoped that God would save me from the torture.
Finally, I now realize that it wasn’t my fault at all. I couldn’t control you or your actions.
You enjoy hurting people as it gives you a sense of purpose. You think that you’re better than anyone else.
But the thing is I gave it my all. Even though I wish I hadn’t and it’s difficult for me to accept that, I tried so hard to make you happy.
I followed your rules and I gave it my best but it wasn’t enough for you. You just wanted more, which made me feel even worse about myself and I slowly sank into a depression.
No matter how much effort I put into our relationship, you were never satisfied with me. I was always one step behind.
Your goal was to manipulate and control me and you succeeded. Finally, you reached your goal and you made me think I was crazy.
Sometimes, you would even turn the tables and pretend that you were sorry but now I know that was all an act. For a second or two, I thought I saw the good in you but I was wrong.
You guilt-tripped me and got things your way, which made me hate myself even more. On top of that, you even forbade me from hanging out with my family or friends, as you said how they were a bad influence on me.
You tried to tear me away from them because you were too scared to lose me. It’s that you were afraid that they would tell me how you were only using me and they’d help me to get away from you.
You couldn’t bear losing the power you had over me.
You wanted to make me feel unloved and alone. Your goal was to show me that I didn’t need anyone else in life besides you.
You pretended that you were protecting me but you actually used my insecurities against me. You fed your ego by insulting me and telling me how imperfect I was.
I hated myself because of you but those feelings brought me to the place I am today. I recovered from you and you showed me how not to treat myself or others.
In a way, I should be thankful that God brought you into my life because you made me a better person.