Narcissists use language differently from us, and it’s their tool to manipulate us and keep us hooked on them.
When a narcissist tells you these 10 phrases, what they mean is completely different from what these phrases usually mean.
If you have ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know how badly they can hurt you and what they are capable of.
People use these phrases all the time, but when a narcissist uses them, they use them to get what they want, and there’s a whole different meaning behind their words.
When you’re in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, everything is actually different. It’s all about them. The whole world revolves around a narcissist.
They find pleasure in manipulating you and tricking you into thinking what they want you to think until you can’t trust your own mind anymore.
Putting you down makes them feel good, and they feel important when they manage to do that.
In reality, narcissists have a serious problem, and they suffer from low self-esteem as well as insecurity.
When they are in a relationship, they will abuse their partner to make themselves feel better.
After all, they only think about their own well-being, and they don’t mind putting others down just to feel better about themselves.
If you’re dealing with a narcissist and want to decode what they really mean when they say a simple phrase, you’ll need to pay more attention to their actions than their words.
I have done a great amount of research about narcissists and have dealt with them in my personal life, which helped me figure out the translations of the words they say and use to manipulate their partner.
I translated some of the phrases narcissists often use into their actual meanings, and I have to warn you that the results are disturbing.
These phrases you are about to read are ones all of us say at some point, but as I said, when they are coming from a narcissist, their meanings change.
If you’re involved with a narcissist, and they tell you these things, please be aware of what they really mean and walk away.
You don’t need to be in an abusive relationship when there are so many good people out there who won’t think only of themselves and manipulate you.
When a narcissist says these 10 phrases, this is what they really mean (written from their perspective):
1. It’s not all about you.
When I say, “It’s not all about you,” I mean it’s all about me.
I need attention, so stop talking about yourself and focus on me. I can’t handle it when you are the center of our conversation.
If you ever mention your needs that I don’t fulfill, I’ll make you feel guilty and ashamed of having those needs in the first place.
You can’t focus our conversation on someone who is not important; the spotlight has to be on me. I’m the only one who matters!
You do not matter as much as I do, and my needs need to come first.
I want you to think only of my needs, and forget about your own since they aren’t important anyway.
You are here to make me happy and to pay attention to what I’m saying because what I have to say is much more important than anything you could ever say. I am more important than you.
2. You have trust issues.
I won’t ever admit it, but I am an untrustworthy person, and I’ve shown you this many times by betraying you.
You are actually right to not trust me, but I won’t ever tell you that. Why would you listen to your gut when you can listen to me?
You should trust yourself and walk away, but it won’t happen. If you leave, how could I have fun?
I love making you doubt yourself and question your own sanity. You don’t know what is right or what is real unless I tell you.
I have given you reasons not to trust me, but I’ll make you think that you can trust me more than you can trust yourself instead of admitting it.
3. You’re so jealous and insecure.
I love how you compete for my attention when I flirt with others in front of you. It makes me feel so desirable and powerful.
Making you feel so diminished is something I find joy in, and I know you’re never going to escape my grasp.
Being in a love triangle is more fun than anything I could ever get from a relationship with you.
I love the way you act when you’re jealous because it makes others notice how amazing I am.
It makes me want to point out all the ways they’re better than you to make you more insecure, so you would never be able to leave me.
I will tell you about all your flaws, whether they’re really there or not.
Others see how great I am and I love flirting with them, and it makes me think of starting an affair.
The way it makes you jealous only makes the experience even better.
Everything you suspect to be true actually is, but you know that I am entitled to everything.
You can’t do anything, and you’re never going to leave me because you’re trapped in this toxic relationship.
4. We’re just friends.
I’m telling you that this person is only my friend, but in reality, they are my backup plan.
Whenever I get bored of you, I’ll be calling this person, and in case you leave, they can replace you.
Maybe they are already acting like a valuable side piece.
I’ll make sure that it seems like the controlling one is you if you ever complain to this person about my shady behavior.
I’ll make you believe that you’re paranoid, and convince you that you’re imagining things.
You’ll start doubting your own common sense, and it will be certain that you’ll never be able to even think without my help, let alone leave me.
If you ever do, it won’t be such a big problem anyway, since I already have your replacement ready.
Getting attention from both of you makes me feel good, so I’ll always make sure to keep this ‘friend’ close by.
Seeing you act jealous is just the icing on the cake.
5. You’re crazy.
Well, you’re not crazy, but I just love to make you look like the crazy one.
I love the power I have over you to humiliate and provoke you, and when you react, I can say that you’re acting like you’re crazy.
Creating chaos just to provoke you is what I enjoy doing, and the only thing better than that is watching you react.
You really start looking like a crazy person, so I can freely call you that, and everyone’s going to believe me.
If you try to tell someone something bad about me, they’ll just think that you’re unstable and bitter. I love feeling this superior to you.
You don’t have anyone to complain to about me anyway…
No one to tell how rageful or irrational I am because I already kicked out of your life every person who meant something to you.
I’m the one who has power over your life.
6. You’re overreacting.
Actually, you have perfectly normal reactions to the lies I tell you, but you can’t catch on.
Not now. I won’t let you and I will make you doubt yourself.
Emotionally invalidating people like you is what I do best, and it will make you compliant, just the way I want you to be.
I will make you think that you’re the one who is guilty. You need to trust me, not yourself!
Once you start second-guessing yourself, you will rationalize my abuse.
You will minimize it and eventually deny it. I will reap all the benefits while you’re working so hard to please me.
7. You’re oversensitive.
Of course you’re feeling hurt when I love making you feel small and insignificant.
Making you feel worse makes me feel better, and I won’t stop doing it.
I love the power you give to me that means I can take advantage of your kindness by exploiting your good intentions.
Hurting you is fun, and making you feel bad only makes me feel even better. How I feel is the only thing that matters anyway.
You need to know that I’m better and more important than you, so stop drawing attention to yourself and focus on me.
I love how I make you feel horrible when you mention something I did that hurt you… and I just love the look of failure and disappointment on your face.
8. I’m sorry you feel that way.
I’m not sorry. This is just an argument, and I want to end it as fast as possible so that I can continue with my abusive behavior.
Do you really think that I’m apologizing for what I did?
No, honey, I’m just sorry I got caught, not for what I did. I don’t care how you feel, I don’t care about your emotions.
I’m sorry that you get to blame me for something and ask me to take responsibility for my actions.
You know that that’s not going to happen, right? But I’m sorry you even got the opportunity to ask me for that.
Maybe I am a little sorry about the feelings you’re having right now, but you know that they aren’t valid, don’t you?
I have the right to have whatever I want to have, and say whatever I want to say.
All I care about is managing to get what I want, so I don’t really care how that makes you feel.
9. I love you.
I just want you to believe that I love you but, in fact, I love controlling you, I love using you.
I love the fact that your life is all about me. You fix my problems, solve my issues, and relieve my pain.
I love how you use all your time for me, not for yourself, how you only give me attention.
I love how my happiness is your responsibility, and I love how I feel when you’re around me, how you need me, and how you think you’re with the right person…
I love how I made you feel unworthy and insignificant. When I say, “I love you,” it is not what love truly represents.
I love the fact that I own you and that it’s so easy for me to manipulate you into doing and thinking whatever I want.
When I say, “I love you,” it means I love how you respect my rules and how you live by them.
10. You’ll never find someone like me.
It would be the best thing that could happen to you if you never find someone like me (another narcissist) but there are many people out there who will treat you far better than I ever do.
I will not let you realize that, however, because if you discover your worth, you’ll walk away from me.
You need to believe that no one will ever love you, so you can keep loving me, as I feed on your love.
Anyone will treat you better than I do but I don’t want that to ever happen, and it won’t.
You’re trapped in this toxic relationship, and you’re staying with me. I won’t let you realize that you deserve better and leave me.
No, I will instead make you believe that no one could ever love you as much as me, even though I’m only using you.
If you never find someone like me, it will be good for you, but I only think about what’s good for me.
Right now, you’re good for me, because it makes me feel better when I get to manipulate you, which is why I will not let you leave, and you will stay in this abusive relationship until I’m tired of using you and making you feel bad to make myself feel good.
It’s all about me, and I am unique because everyone else is less important than me. I’ll make you realize that, and you’ll never walk away from me.