There are many things in our lives that happen unexpectedly. For a lot of them, we will try to make up an excuse.
Sometimes we’ll do it because we don’t know how to deal with them in any other way. Other times, it’s a form of consolation for ourselves.
Perhaps you’ve made a mistake that cost you a lot, but you’re too proud to admit it to yourself. Then you begin to point fingers at others and turn your head from the truth.
Well, what if you’re wrong, but not entirely? What if he wasn’t a narcissist, but just a douche? You dumped this guy a while ago, but only because you thought he was a narcissist.
Maybe you’re regretting it now and trying to rule out that you misjudged him. Your head was hot back then and now you’ve had time to cool off, so you’re recalling some bits and pieces.
You’ve done your research about narcissists, but only after you broke things off between the two of you. Then, you came to realize that he didn’t exhibit any of the red flags.
Perhaps you’re filled with that guilty feeling of accusing someone of something they’re not. But, wait. Don’t go crawling back to him just because you made a mistake.
You might pity him now, but what if he wasn’t a nice guy after all? Even though he wasn’t a narcissist, who’s to say he wasn’t a douche? We can commonly misgauge because of some of the traits these two share.
I’ll name a few of them and you be the judge. Then you can decide whether or not you should give him a second chance.
Does he talk all over you? Do you ever get the feeling that he doesn’t care about what you have to say? Perhaps he clearly lets you know he’s not interested by talking all over you.
Narcissists do this to make you feel undermined and to achieve that sense of superiority. On the other hand, a douche is just a douche. He doesn’t have any manners and will casually jump into the conversation, interrupting your thoughts.
Another shared characteristic of a narcissist and a douche is when he gaslights you.
This is one of the infamous tactics narcissists use to rewrite the history of events. They’ll use this to their advantage to twist reality. A narcissist will make you feel like you’re losing your mind to gain your trust.
He’ll make you believe you’re imagining and forgetting stuff. This will isolate you from the rest of the world because you don’t want people to see you’re going mad.
On the contrary, if he’s just a douche, he doesn’t want to get anything out of gaslighting you. Also, it may be possible that he’s not even doing it on purpose.
He may be subconsciously gaslighting you. A douche simply doesn’t see things from your point of view. He doesn’t care where you’ve been or what you’ve been doing.
Therefore, it’s possible you talked about these things, but he never cared enough to memorize them. Instead, he’ll fight saying how you never did that just so you don’t blow his cover.
Don’t you think it’s possible this took place? You probably didn’t pay enough attention to the details in his behavior to rule out whether he was a narcissist or just a douche.
Maybe he was love bombing you and you didn’t know what to think of it? You looked up the traits of a narcissist and you saw it’s one of the warning signs.
However, it may not be the case. Love bombing can happen both in and outside of a narcissistic relationship. You don’t have to be a narcissist’s girlfriend for someone to love-bomb you.
It’s a common misconception, but I get why people think that. You don’t believe that a person would be capable of using these tricks if they weren’t a narcissist.
Well, look how the tables have turned in a sick way. If he wasn’t a narcissist but only a douche, then how come he used this strategy?
The thing is that he probably didn’t know how to deal with you. He realized that you’d see right through him if he let out a single mistake. People like that are not really in love with you.
It’s possible he was only trying to blind you with all the gestures of love so you couldn’t see past it. He tried to mask himself with all of the gifts, dates, and attention.
Of course, he didn’t want you to see what a jerk he was! Speaking of attention, a narcissist would’ve given you tons of it. But only for a certain period of time. They give only what they can get back, double.
A narcissist will flood you with his affection and devotion to get something in return. And that is your trust and love, so you see the crooked version of him.
The difference is that a douche doesn’t want anything in return while a narcissist has the whole thing planned out.
It’s confusing because you don’t even suspect this lovely, handsome man could be capable of hurting you. Everything about him is deceiving, from his looks to his words.
Even if he wasn’t a narcissist, you’re better off without him. There’s a high chance he was one of those toxic boyfriends that can make your life hell. All they have to do is snap their fingers and everything gets ruined in a second.
If you’re contemplating whether he was a narcissist or just someone who didn’t care about you, stop. It would’ve been bad if he was a narcissist and a douche.
Neither of these deserves you either way. That’s why you shouldn’t even think about giving that guy a second chance. I mean, you legitimately thought he was a narcissist!
He clearly has some undesirable traits that you don’t want to find in any man. Therefore, I believe you’ll make the right call and not go back to him.