I finally have enough courage to admit to myself that we were not destined to be.
No, we weren’t the right people who met at the wrong time. I promise that I won’t use that excuse anymore.
We weren’t right for each other but others split us apart. No, I won’t use that one either.
I will be completely honest with myself and I will say it loudly and clearly: ‘‘We were not destined to be.”
You and I could never work; not in the past, not in the present and definitely not in the future.
God knew that long before I realized it, but at least I see it now.
All of the excuses that I made trying to fix our relationship when other things constantly kept falling apart were just desperate tries to convince myself that we were created for each other.
Deep down, I knew that there was no point in fighting but I didn’t know how to let you go. How could I let go when we spent years together?
You became a part of me and I became a part of you. It’s like you grew into my body and I couldn’t get rid of you anymore.
Instead of working with me, you worked against me. You were slowly destroying me, piece by piece, and I thought that it was the way love worked.
You compromise for the one you love, right? That’s what they taught us.
But now, I can see that there was no love in our relationship. There were struggles, there was pain and sacrifice, but there was no love.
How could I call it ‘love’ when your words hurt me like nothing else ever has?
How could I call it ‘love’ when you blamed me for everything bad that happened to us?
That’s not love.
That’s two people living together because they are used to it but not knowing how to accept the truth that they are not destined to be with each other.
Love is all about support and acceptance and I finally realize that you could never give me that.
Your words felt like knives, and the worst thing is that I was the one letting them hurt me.
”I let you hurt me.” – I can now say it.
I knew you were not good enough for me but crushing hard for you, I let you do whatever you wanted.
It was like I was a puppet and you were the one pulling the strings.
You lied and I forgave. When I cried, you were nowhere around.
You came and went, leaving me heartbroken and in tears, but still, I was the one holding your bag as you left and taking your coat off when you came back.
I let you do everything I said I’d never let anyone do, as I convinced myself that you loved me. You said those words; I didn’t make them up.
It’s only now that I realize that they were also a lie. The only honest thing in our relationship was my tears.
They were a sign from God that you are not my destiny and that I should let you go as far away from me as possible.
Well, that was the hard part.
How do you cut ties with someone who at one moment made you feel like the luckiest girl in the world while in the next, he watched you falling apart in front of him?
You made me believe that it was normal and that relationships are not perfect, that we have to fight for them. I now realize that you lied, again.
Right, no relationship is perfect but it’s not true that you have to fight for them to the point where you feel that you have lost all of your energy (which is how I felt).
I felt drained, alone, and scared but you convinced me that was okay.
It wasn’t okay and it never would be, but it’s only now that I realize it.
Now I know that you don’t fight till you fall for something that is meant to be yours. You don’t fight for your destiny!
It approaches you slowly, enters your life without fuss and you finally feel like everything is in the right place.
Our relationship never felt like that. Actually, our relationship was a hurricane compared to that.
I never felt secure as I never knew when you would go away, leaving me devastated.
Also, I never knew when you would come back so I waited, arms spread wide, waiting for you to land in my hug again.
I now know that I was naive about letting you do whatever you wanted, but you convinced me that that was what love looked like.
You told me that you didn’t want to be held in a cage and that you needed your space.
So, I let you fly away every time, thinking that was the right thing to do.
I didn’t care about myself or how that made me feel. You were the only one on my mind, as that’s what love should be like, right?
Well, now, I know that was a mistake. You only manipulated me as you saw how much I cared for you.
You let me believe that you were the one who was right so eventually, I stopped complaining.
”Everything for love. I know that he is the one for me,” I would say to myself every night I felt alone in our bed.
Today, as I finally have my mind back, I can only say one thing; we were not destined to be with each other and I thank God for that.
I ignored all of the signs that God sent me until I couldn’t take it anymore. ”You are destroying yourself for the one who doesn’t care for you!”
It felt like someone whispered those words to me and they just clicked.
I realized that you never loved me and that you never could. If we lived thousands of lives, you would always be the same.
You could never appreciate the person I was and you would always try to change me.
I now see that you were putting me into a mold of your ideal woman – one who waits and gives but receives nothing in return.
I would say that I was your puppy but that wouldn’t be true as people care more about their pets than you cared for me.
None of your apologies were sincere. I realized that too late.
When I think about it, it feels like you were standing in front of me, telling me, ‘‘I am sorry,” and at the same time thinking about the ways you could next test my strength.
That’s what it was. No, it wasn’t a relationship, it was a test of strength.
You wanted to see how long I could last until I cracked. You only dressed it up in a costume of love.
Now that I finally see your real face, I want to do only one thing. I want to thank God for giving me the strength to accept the truth.
I was finally brave enough to admit that you are not the one for me. You are not my destiny, and that’s a blessing, not a curse.
I know that you were a test that I almost failed and I know that something better is on the way.
God knows what is best for me and I know that He will send me the one who will be worth my love.
You, my dear, were not that one. You never were and you never will be. Once again, I thank God for that!
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