Remember those Jane Austen and Emily Bronte novels about genuine love, or those romantic Hollywood movies that make you say “Aw, that’s so sweet”?
Of course you do, but most importantly, you remember how those “true love” stories made you feel.
True love is an ideal that all of us strive for. We say we’d climb mountains and swim rivers and oceans just to get to our loved ones.
But is that true, or is it something that society has made us believe? This social norm that we think we should follow?
While dating and searching for our right partners, we have this set of qualities we expect them to have, believing life would be a fairy-tale once we’re with them.
Sadly, life doesn’t work that way. Believing in certain ideals about relationships often leads to a downfall in the actual world.
We comfort ourselves that there’s someone out there just for us, who completes us, our better half. But is that really the case, though?
Believing in certain myths and ideals can make dating and relationships seem a lot harder than it actually is.
In the past, marriages were strategically arranged, but now in this endless tug-and-pull between joy and sadness, we’re left alone to choose our own partners.
More and more people get stuck in this cycle of searching for the right partner and seek approval from society rather than from themselves.
Some believe they have to be married by the age of 30, or need to have their first kiss by 16.
The bitter truth is no one asked you to do that.
You need to create your own rules because society won’t cope with the problems that arise when you’re in a relationship – it’s all up to you to deal with them.
I’m not saying true love doesn’t exist, but there are some myths we need to stop believing in if we want a happy, long-lasting relationship:
1. If it’s true love, you’ll feel butterflies when you’re around each other
Let me tell you something: Butterflies fade after a while.
That jittery feeling is just your body’s natural reaction when you see someone you haven’t seen for a long time.
True love brings you security, calmness, and peace. Those are the feelings you will feel when you are madly and truly in love with each other.
But that doesn’t mean you won’t feel a strange feeling when you catch each other’s eye in a room full of people. It’s a human spark that’s inexplicable.
While butterflies is a great feeling, it will fizzle as you spend more time together because you will get to know each other.
2. There is only one true soul mate for me in this world
Well, this is somewhat true, but not exactly. If you sit there and wait for the right person to come and sweep you off your feet, you’ll probably be disappointed.
If you just wait for the right one to come along, you’ll miss out on the beauty and joy that comes from being in a relationship.
You’ll miss out on anyone who wants to date you.
It’s hard to find your soul mate and start a romantic relationship if you have never been in a relationship in the first place.
You have to scratch that soul mate fantasy and put in actual work to make a relationship great.
If you carry that idealized soul mate image in your heart, every new partner will be doomed from the beginning.
3. People who are meant for each other never fight
Believing you will never fight with your true love is an idea that will destroy you.
Trust me, disagreements and fights are good for a relationship. It’s a sign you are growing together as a couple and as individuals.
Everyone has bad days, and when we want to express powerful emotions, arguing is a way to do that.
However, as we grow older, we learn how to listen and think about what the other person has to say.
We become wiser and the fights become fair, with an awareness of each other’s emotions.
Don’t deny reality and think that arguing never happens if you’re truly in love. If you don’t argue and fight, problems will bottle up.
You’ll force them down and suppress them. E
ventually, those negative emotions will come out in other ways, such as depression or passive-aggression.
You need to accept the fact that you will and should have healthy arguments in your relationship.
It’s how you solve those problems that really makes the difference between true love and a fling.
4. Opposites attract
How many times have you heard this, right? It is quite the popular phrase nowadays. But it’s been proven wrong.
Think about it. As you grow older, you and your partner need to make some big decisions about buying a house, moving somewhere else, or raising a child.
Is it better to have a partner who shares similar values and future goals?
Or a partner who doesn’t believe the same way you do about the important things in life?
You get it now, right?
It’s been scientifically proven that people who share similar values and character traits make better parents and couples than those with opposing dispositions.
5. True love will bring you everlasting joy and you won’t feel sadness ever again.
This is one of the deadliest myths, that true love will bring only happiness and joy and you’ll never feel sorrow or sadness ever again.
It couldn’t be further from the truth.
Finding the right partner for you and starting a relationship is just the beginning of your journey.
It’s a never-ending process in which two people share their opinions, laughter, and trials, and simply understand each other.
As you get to know each other and learn each other’s habits, you mold yours with theirs.
You try to find the perfect balance and create a peaceful environment in which two people can grow and feel secure.