Let me tell you something. When we love someone, we tend to ignore their red flags. Somewhere deep down, we know they’re a big deal. But we don’t want to lose that person, so we choose to ignore them in the hopes that they’ll just disappear one day.
We get enough strength by remembering the good times spent together. All the road trips, concerts, dates, and sleepless nights. Those moments make us believe that all the red flags we’ve noticed are nothing compared to the good things we’ve experienced together.
But don’t do it. Don’t settle for the bare minimum when you deserve the best guy out there. Walk away at the first red flag you notice because, trust me, where there’s one, there’s always more of them in the future!
I’m the kind of person who learns from her mistakes. I made a bunch of them, so I want to help you out here. I want to teach you how important it is to value yourself. And to love yourself enough to walk away from someone toxic, no matter how hard it may seem at first.
Only when you leave them, will you see how chained you were while dating them. When you get rid of those chains, you’ll notice how beautiful life really is. So don’t rob yourself of that opportunity. The longer you ignore the red flags, the harder it’ll be to leave.
And if you’re not sure how to recognize them, I’m here to tell you some of them that I ignored and how they affected me afterward.
One of the guys I used to date for a while always complained how all of his exes were crazy. He always had lots of stories about them and the problems they used to cause him. At first, I believed everything he said. I even hated his former girlfriends for treating him poorly.
Especially because he seemed like the sweetest human being ever. But after some time, he started showing his true colors. I was hardly ever allowed to go out without him. And I even caught him following me a few times (he said he accidentally bumped into me – yeah right).
I noticed that he was stalking my friends on their social media accounts. And he was obsessed with checking who liked my photos and who followed me recently. Then it hit me.
How is it possible that 5 of his exes were crazy, but he was completely fine? I realized it was impossible. He had to be the crazy one in at least one of those stories. I’d ignored that red flag because I thought it wasn’t that bad. “Maybe I’m overreacting,” I’d told my friends.
But then a new flag appeared. This time it was jealousy. But the most extreme case of it I’ve ever seen or heard of. He knew my password, and every time we were together, he’d always take my phone. There was always some kind of an excuse.
“Oh, let me find that picture you took last week, you looked amazing and I wanna see it again.” Then he would carefully scroll through my gallery to check whether there was something I never mentioned before. He never found anything, because I never hid anything from him.
But then one day he just snapped at me and told me that I probably deleted all of the evidence I had of my cheating. I defended myself and thought that he was just afraid of losing me. He apologized and I forgave him.
So that was the second red flag I successfully ignored. But as is mostly the case, it wasn’t the last one. The next appeared not long after I decided to forgive him for accusing me of being disloyal.
It looked something like this: At first, he started telling me that I was beautiful, smart, and interesting more than he did before. It felt so nice. I was surprised because we had faced so many problems recently. So this was a nice change.
But it didn’t last long. Those beautiful compliments turned into warnings.
Every time I was getting ready to go somewhere, even to visit my parents, he had to say something about the clothes I decided to put on or the makeup and hairstyle I chose. He mostly said that I wouldn’t be paying that much attention to my looks unless I was trying to impress someone else.
He told me that a beautiful woman like me shouldn’t go out in a dress, or with lots of makeup because that will attract other men. At first, I listened to him. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I just wore whatever he wanted me to.
After all, he was right. There’s no need for me to impress anyone else. But day after day, he had some new demands and it got so difficult to make him happy. I tried so hard, but in the end, I finally gave up. And that’s the moment my eyes opened.
That’s when I realized that I’d spent months of my life trying to justify his behavior. I ignored problems I never should’ve ignored. I should’ve walked away after recognizing the first one, but I believed I could change him. And teach him how to love someone the right way.
But I was wrong. So I’m here to tell you that you should never do the things I’ve done. You need to value yourself and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re perfect just the way you are. And there’s no reason for you to stay with a person covered in red flags.
You’re beautiful, smart, funny, fascinating, and kind enough to find a guy who will love you the way you deserve. Don’t settle for anything less.
So, walk away at the first red flag you spot. I didn’t do it, but you should!