The things cheaters say when confronted can leave you speechless.
When they say things like these, they surprise you, so you don’t know what to say to your cheating partner.
As if the fact they cheated isn’t bad enough, the things cheaters say when confronted can hurt even more.
Is there anything worse than getting your heart and trust broken by a cheating partner?
When you feel betrayed, your whole world comes crashing down.
You would expect the person you love to make it all better somehow, but they often make it worse.
When they break your trust, is there really anything they could do to fix things?
What to say to your cheating partner that could make them realize how badly they hurt you? How could they? Do they care?
Unfortunately, both men and women who realize the love of their life cheated on them often blame themselves.
They take the blame for their cheating partner’s infidelity.
The things cheaters say when confronted can even be said just to make you feel like it’s your fault they cheated on you.
If your partner was unfaithful, you could start thinking that you did something wrong. You could start thinking that you’re not good enough too. Please don’t.
I know that the questionable morals of your cheating partner crushed your confidence, but what they did is not your fault.
Taking the blame for what they did is something cheaters rarely do. Instead, they can even be aggressive and try to blame you.
It’s not just that they can’t take the blame; they even tend to deny what they did.
Unless you confront them with solid proof, they will keep trying to convince you that you’re imagining things.
That is called gaslighting, and it’s a terrible thing to do to someone who loves you, but people still do it.
Even when you confront a cheating partner with proof, they will come up with all sorts of excuses.
Very soon, I’ll mention a lot of things that cheaters say when confronted, but there’s one thing I have to tell you right now.
“I was drunk,” is often the excuse cheaters will use because they’ll try to make it seem like they wouldn’t cheat if they were sober.
This is not a valid excuse. It’s just another attempt to blame someone else, or in this case, something else, for their behavior.
Here are some of the other things cheaters say when confronted.
They will help you know what to say to your cheating partner if you ever hear this from them.
1. “Nothing happened, you’re imagining things.”
When a cheater accuses you of imagining things or being paranoid, it’s one of the worst responses you could get.
They want you to think that you’re going mad and that you’re the one who’s doing something wrong by confronting them.
It’s like the fact that you can prove what you’re accusing them of doesn’t even matter.
They will simply keep denying everything. The worst part is that they’ll try to make you look like the bad one.
They’ll do that by convincing you that you’re imagining things. They will explain that it’s because you lack confidence.
This means that they’re not only telling you lies but insulting you in the process.
They want to make all this about you, and they know exactly how to do that because they know all your weak spots.
Making you feel vulnerable will help them gaslight you.
I already mentioned that cheating partners often turn to gaslighting to defend themselves, but do you know what this means?
The type of emotional manipulation called gaslighting is when your partner tries to make you doubt everything you know.
By targeting your low self-esteem, they’ll make you doubt things such as your own memory, perception, and judgment.
They’ll try to make you believe that what you know isn’t true, even if you’re sure of it.
They do this by manipulating the truth by using contradiction, denial, and misinformation.
Clinical psychologists recognize gaslighting as a very serious issue. The people who most often use this method are narcissists.
2. “You have been distant lately.”
Your partner could try to make themselves seem like the victim by blaming you, and they could do this by saying that you’ve been distant lately.
Blaming their partner for their infidelity is what cheaters often do, so you need to keep in mind that it’s never your fault.
The cheater could tell you that you weren’t there for them, that they felt lonely, or that they waited too long for you.
They want to make you think that you were too emotionally unavailable when you were around.
They’ll even act like they’re the one who got hurt because you weren’t involved as much as they were.
When they were feeling that way, someone else came along and offered them the love and care that they were yearning for. This made them slip up.
Or did it? They are only trying to make it look like you’re the one to blame, when in fact, they could have talked to you about how they felt.
3. “Why can’t you just trust me?”
Your partner could accuse you of not trusting them and it’s just gaslighting again.
They broke your trust, and they are using the fact that you can’t trust them to make you look like the bad guy? That’s terrible.
They just want to make you think that you don’t have a reason to not trust them when you clearly do.
People in relationships often think that their partner is cheating on them. You should know that it’s only natural to fear that it’s true.
When your partner has nothing to hide, they’ll talk things through with you and listen to your reasons for doubting them.
Trust is something that needs to be built. Even when we trust our partner, we can have doubts when we see signs of cheating.
The point is that they have no right to accuse you when they’re the one who should explain themselves to you.
4. “I don’t know why I did that.”
One of the most unbelievable things cheaters say when confronted is, “I don’t know why I did that.”
You would expect them to have some sort of an excuse or explanation for cheating, but sometimes they simply don’t.
They actually seem shocked that they did that, just like you are, or even more so.
You don’t know how to blame them when they can’t even comprehend what they did. This helps them get away with it.
They could even blame it on their childhood, and there might be some truth to it, but it’s not an excuse.
That is why you might suggest that you two try couple’s counseling.
5. “Where have I been? What about you, where have you been?”
This question could come in many forms, and its point is to work as a counterattack.
They will pretend they doubt you just as much as you doubt them.
The purpose of this is to make you defend yourself instead of them having to defend themselves.
This gives them enough time to come up with how they’ll get away with what they did.
They’re trying to manipulate you and shift the focus onto you.
Don’t let them do this, and make them answer your questions before you answer any of theirs.
6. “It just happened somehow.”
Saying this makes it seem like what happened wasn’t in the cheater’s control. This is when the, “I was drunk, so I made a mistake,” excuse comes in handy.
You need to think about this. If what happened was a mistake, why hasn’t your partner told you about it?
Are they still in touch with the person they cheated with?
Did it happen more than once? How can you make a mistake and then keep repeating it?
7. “It only happened once.”
There are things that are bad even when they happen only once. Just because your partner cheated on you once doesn’t make it any better.
How is it okay to hurt you and betray your trust as long as you do it only once? Who can guarantee that they won’t do it again anyway?
8. “I was bored in our relationship.”
Once the honeymoon phase is over, couples can fall into a rut.
They can start taking each other and the relationship for granted and stop being a priority to each other.
The truth is, couples sometimes get bored in a relationship, but it’s not an excuse for infidelity.
You should both equally put effort into making your relationship exciting for both of you.
This means that they can’t blame you for getting bored. Maybe you’ve gotten bored too, but you didn’t cheat on them because of it.
9. “It meant nothing to me.”
When you cheat on your partner, it means something. What it means is that you don’t respect your partner enough to stay faithful to them.
It means that you don’t care how much you hurt them.
They want to decrease the importance of having an affair, but by saying this, they decrease the importance of your relationship at the same time.
When they tell you that it meant nothing to them, it doesn’t mean it meant nothing to you. You are as equally hurt as you would if it meant something to them.
They knew how badly it would hurt you, they just didn’t think you’d find out.
10. “I fell in love with them, and I’m leaving you.”
Out of all the things you could hear from your partner, I think this one hurts the most.
You have to be prepared for something like this if they cheated on you, especially if you want to forgive them.
At least they’re being honest, but you had to confront them first.
If you want to forgive them, you can suggest counseling, but if they want to leave, let them. You deserve better anyway.
11. “It isn’t what it looks like.”
This is the most famous thing that cheaters say, and they use it to try to make it seem like it’s not that big of a deal.
It is, and they cheated. They’ll have to come up with something better to say because they owe you an explanation.
12. “Nothing physical happened.”
An affair doesn’t have to be physical because there are emotional affairs as well.
If your partner lied to you about spending time with someone they started caring about, it’s emotional infidelity.
Just because it wasn’t physical doesn’t change the fact that they lied to you.
Who says that it wouldn’t have turned into something physical if you hadn’t caught them in time?
They have feelings for someone else, and that still means that they cheated.
13. “I haven’t been happy for a while now.”
Sometimes cheaters come clean about how they’ve been feeling regarding the relationship. They often say that they haven’t been happy.
Maybe they’ll even admit how they truly feel about you.
Hearing all these things hurts… but it wouldn’t hurt as badly if they talked about it before deciding to cheat on you.
They could have simply broken up with you if they weren’t happy with you anymore.
Sometimes it turns out that your relationship is just no longer great. In fact, they could have been wanting out for a while.
However, that’s not an excuse for cheating because they always had other options.
Trying to fix your relationship or deciding to leave are always better choices than to cheat.
14. “I am sorry.”
A cheater could apologize for cheating… but they are most often actually sorry for getting caught.
Maybe they simply don’t know what else to say, or they genuinely want you to forgive them.
Either way, an apology doesn’t make up for what they did.
They didn’t think about how badly they were hurting you when they were cheating. In fact, you weren’t even on their mind.
Maybe they are truly sorry for what they did. Still, just saying it doesn’t mean anything if they don’t show it with their actions as well.
Actions always speak louder than words, and they will have to work hard to gain your trust again if you decide to forgive them.
15. “They came on to me.”
Sometimes, the thing a cheater says will just be stupid.
They didn’t try to seduce the person they cheated on, that person came on to them? What does it matter?
They admitted that they cheated, but act innocent because the person they cheated with was the one who initiated it.
So, as long as no one makes the first move on them, they’ll be faithful?
This is just another example of refusing to take the blame and a rather stupid one. It takes two to tango, and to cheat as well.
Did they tell that person that they were in a committed relationship? Maybe the person they cheated with didn’t even know about you.
16. “You don’t really understand me.”
They could tell you that you don’t understand their needs like the person they cheated with does.
But it only makes it look like they had a special bond with that person, that the two of you never had.
They believe some stranger knows them better than you do just because that person offered them excitement and novelty.
This means that they probably won’t end that affair.
If you make them choose which relationship to end, they’ll probably choose the one that they have with you.
Of course, eventually, they will realize that they made a huge mistake, but it will be too late then.
17. “That happened a long time ago, so it should stay in the past.”
Maybe they cheated on you a while ago, but you just recently found out.
Does it change anything? Not really, it actually makes things worse because they lied to you and kept it a secret for so long.
It hurts so badly when you think about the time they cheated and remember how happy you thought the two of you were back then.
Once you realize how clueless you were, it will hurt worse than if you had found out right away.
They let you believe that everything was great while they were cheating, and that’s what makes this so awful.
18. “You cheated first.”
Maybe you did cheat on them before, and now they have had their revenge by doing the same to you.
This doesn’t justify it, because they knew how much cheating hurts and how it almost ruined your relationship.
If they couldn’t forgive you for what you did, they should have broken up with you, not evened the score.
Maybe they wanted to get back at you. All that that means is that you will have to work even harder to save your relationship than when you cheated.
Your partner probably still feels betrayed, angry, and hurt for what you did. Still, that doesn’t mean that it’s okay for them to do the same.
19. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
What did they mean then? Did they think it wouldn’t hurt you?
That’s impossible, and they shouldn’t have done it if they didn’t want to cause you pain.
When they say this, it makes no sense, since all cheaters know very well that what they’re doing is wrong.
They had a choice, and they chose to cheat, so now they have to face the consequences.
Their choice affected you, and it’s impossible that they didn’t know that it would. They knew, but they did it anyway.
20. “You’re never here, and I get lonely.”
Maybe you really aren’t around much because you work or travel a lot, and your partner feels lonely.
Perhaps they even complained about it, but you were too distracted and didn’t take them seriously.
Now you have realized that you should have, but it still isn’t an excuse for cheating.
In fact, it could just be their attempt to stall for time and blame you until they think of something better.
Either way, if you want your relationship to survive this, you will need to work hard to get back on track.
Being lonely is not an excuse for cheating, but it does make it more probable to happen.
21. “It will never happen again.”
Even if you decide to try to save your relationship, it will be hard to trust them again. Will they cheat again? You will never be truly sure that they won’t.
Once someone betrays your trust, it is very hard to trust them ever again. You can’t just go back to the way things were before they cheated.
No matter how badly you want everything to be normal again, it will be almost impossible.
You will still be angry at them and wish for revenge, even if you forgive them.
If they want you to forgive them, it’s your choice whether you will try, but you can’t just pretend like everything’s the way it was.
Cheating affects the relationship, and cheaters often cheat again.
Some couples do succeed in making it work again and stay faithful to each other, but they are rare examples.
Maybe you’ll be one of them, but they will have to work hard to earn your trust again.
Will they cheat again? Right now, asking you to believe they won’t is just like asking you to take a risk.
22. “You never really cared about me.”
The cheater could try to blame you by telling you that you don’t love them.
Maybe they truly feel that way, but they could have said something about it instead of choosing to cheat on you.
If you haven’t been showing them affection and love, it’s not that surprising that they searched for it elsewhere.
However, it’s still not an excuse because they could have talked to you about it or simply left you.
Another thing is that this doesn’t have to be true at all. Maybe you do love them and always show them how much you care.
They could be saying that they don’t believe you care just to make themselves feel better about what they did.
The truth is that maybe they’re the one who never really cared about you. They surely didn’t care about you while they were cheating.