Toxic monogamy is something that’s been talked about a lot recently. It’s an issue with those who perpetuate an unhealthy or possessive way of love.
Monogamy is the practice of only having one romantic partner at a time. That means that any attraction or action toward someone outside of the relationship is seen as cheating, which is completely fine as long as you don’t tell everyone else how they should live their lives.
On the other side of the coin, monogamy can be toxic for the two people who are in the relationship. Sometimes, it’s hard to see things clearly because society conditions us to be in monogamous relationships.
It’s like the thought of anything else is repulsive. Because of that, we thought of compiling a list of statements that make this practice very harmful and toxic.
There are always two sides to a story but you have to understand that the only thing that makes these statements wrong is the fact that they don’t apply to everyone and the practice of convincing others that there’s only one right way to love is damaging.
1. Commitment is synonymous with exclusivity
Toxic monogamy says that the only way you can commit to someone is if you’re exclusively seeing that person. Exclusivity in a relationship is something that everyone’s looking for these days. If two people define their relationship as serious, they automatically bring exclusivity into the game.
However, many people in this world are committed to their partner but they’re not exclusive. Both partners know that they’re the main focus of the other one but they also have the freedom to explore other things in life.
Commitment doesn’t represent a prison; it’s more like a promise between two people that they’ll always go back to each other. But what we have to remind you of is the fact that not many people are comfortable with being so open about their relationship.
That’s why your boundaries are more important. The problem arises when you’re toxic toward other people and try and mold them to your standards.
2. If you really love someone then you’ll never feel attraction toward anyone else
Finding other people attractive while you’re in a relationship is not widely accepted. However, there are many aesthetically beautiful men and women in this world and we need to understand that people will always find others attractive.
The difference is in what we do with that attraction. The statement that says that you’ll never find someone else beautiful during your relationship is complete gibberish.
The only thing that matters is whether or not your partner feels comfortable enough with sharing this with you. If they ever say that they only find you attractive, then I’m sorry but they’re lying to you.
It’s a normal thing that happens and it’s only an issue when it crosses your boundaries. So don’t use your toxic monogamy to bring down other people.
3. You should be able to fulfill all of your partner’s needs
One of those things that toxic monogamy perpetuates is the unbelievable statement that your partner should be able to fulfill every single one of your needs.
We’re all human beings and we should be our own biggest priority. Sometimes, those priorities get in the way of taking care of our partner.
However, just because we can’t fulfill some physical or emotional needs of our partner doesn’t mean that we love them any less. So think about that the next time you expect your partner to be there for you 24/7.
4. Jealousy and possessiveness are necessary parts of every relationship
They’re really not. Just because someone’s in a relationship with you doesn’t mean that you have any type of claim over that person. They still have their own free will and they should be able to act on their wants and needs.
If those wants and needs don’t align with your own, then it’s simply not the right relationship for you. But you have to know that jealousy and possessiveness aren’t standard practices for every single relationship.
For example, if you see someone flirting with your partner, don’t go up there and create a scene. What you should do is let your partner handle that situation gracefully, because if you have to intervene, it just means that your partner wouldn’t act that way if they were alone.
5. True love will overcome any type of incompatibility between you two
We’ve all heard this at some point in our life. Everyone tells us that nothing would be too hard for them to do if they just loved us enough.
If your partner chooses to do something differently, it must be because they don’t love you enough – but that’s not true. This is one of those statements that make monogamy toxic.
You should start a life with someone who’s compatible with you. Your goals in life should line up so you don’t have any major troubles later along the way.
Of course, we’re all incompatible in some way but that’s because we’re all individuals who have different experiences but we choose to compromise because of love. Nonetheless, love can never be enough to ignore every single incompatibility that we may have with someone.
6. You can only love one person
This statement gaslights the experiences other people may have. When you tell them that they can only love one person, what you’re actually doing is telling them that their emotions toward other people can’t be real.
Just because you have one view on this topic doesn’t mean that you should make everyone else believe the same thing. Anyone can love multiple different people throughout their lifetime. You don’t need to love rarely in order to make your love real.
7. There’s nothing more important than your relationship
The most toxic thing monogamy has brought to the table is that people who participate in strictly monogamous relationships believe that they should be their partner’s biggest priority. Or better yet, that there’s nothing more important than the relationship.
That’s why someone can be controlling in their relationship. They try to teach their partner that their friends, family, career, hobbies, and so on, are all less important than them.
This is extremely toxic and it seems more like a need for control and power than anything else. If you believe that your partner should ignore everything else because of you, then that’s a very selfish mindset.
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