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To The Girl Who Confused Abuse For Love: It’s Not Your Fault

A girl who confused abuse for love is a girl who’s seen the worst of the world and still found something beautiful in it. That same representation of beauty is what broke her into little pieces.

Aren’t I right? When you look back into your childhood, it starts making so much sense that you fell for his tricks and why you thought that what he was giving you was real love.

You were taught that love was supposed to hurt. You thought that love isn’t something that someone hands you over freely, but rather something that you have to work and fight hard for.

And after a while, you started believing that abusive behavior was the depiction of love.

From the moment you started going out with men, you saw that you’d always be the one to give more and do more in the relationship. Each of them showed you that he wouldn’t stick around if you took a breather and decided you needed a break.

People called you selfish for trying to take care of yourself and now you’re here, broken and bruised, trying to put back those pieces of yourself.

You thought that the intensity of his love for you was normal. If anything, you thought it was ethereal. Because of how intense and breathtaking the beginning of your relationship was, you saw him as your soulmate.

To The Girl Who Confused Abuse For Love It's Not Your Fault

There was no way that a connection like that would happen between two ordinary people. What you probably didn’t understand back then is that this connection you felt was nothing more than infatuation. It was attraction, nothing more.

Love takes weeks, months, sometimes years to develop. True love happens slowly and deliberately. It doesn’t just magically appear between two people.

When people talk about love at first sight, it’s always about infatuation, not true love.

Of course, you couldn’t have known that. It’s not something they teach us in school. No one has ever taught us how to keep our hearts safe.

The beginning of your relationship wasn’t just good, it was truly breathtaking. Back then, you didn’t realize that it was all just love-bombing.

He’d give you all of his attention, time, and effort. At the time, you wondered how could you have lived without this type of love before.

What happens very often is that you cling to that love afterward like a lifeline. When things start going south, you hold on to that love you experienced at the beginning. That’s why abuse victims stay, most of the time.

To The Girl Who Confused Abuse For Love It's Not Your Fault

You can’t say that you saw it coming. You wouldn’t have stayed if you’d knew back then that this man would break you like this.

No one would sign up for this torture. You didn’t sign up for his hurtful words, you didn’t plan on his bruising touches.

The first time he ever raised his voice at you, he said that you made him do it. He said that it was your fault because you were talking back to him when he clearly told you to keep your mouth shut.

You felt disrespected and you wanted to tell him that it wasn’t nice of him. That’s when he lost his patience and started yelling.

It reminded you of the other people in your life who couldn’t be bothered to talk nicely with you. You were always the one who had to lower her voice and apologize.

How many times did you think that they still loved you even though they wanted you to hide everything you are to please them.

So when he started dragging you around, hurting your arm, you thought that there was still an issue with yourself. He told you that it was you who made him this mad.

To The Girl Who Confused Abuse For Love It's Not Your Fault

He said he had no other reason to flip out like this. He’d remind you of everything he did for you at the beginning and you melt. He says that his first little show of affection was enough for you to deal with his moods now.

You’re the girl who confused abuse for love and you’re definitely not alone.

When you look back at everything, you recall thinking it was all your fault. Every time he’d greet you with silence, you thought you deserved it. There was no other explanation.

“Yes, he did do some bad things, but he’s usually a good person.”

How many times did you have to make this excuse to your friends when they’d call you out for tolerating his behavior? That’s when he’d say that your friends only tried to pry you away from him.

He’d say that they were putting lies into your head.

At this point, his manipulation was working like a charm. You walked away from all of your friends. You convinced yourself that he was just looking out for your best interests.

What you weren’t able to realize is that a narcissist does this because he knows how hard it’ll be for him to find another victim.

But at the end of the day, you were the girl who confused abuse for love. What you need to know now is that none of it was your fault.

To The Girl Who Confused Abuse For Love It's Not Your Fault

Everyone around you conditioned you to believe that relationships need work and that people should get angry when they feel mistreated. So you thought that his behavior was normal.

You thought that you were at fault for his mood swings and obvious distaste in everything you did. But he’d convince you that it was all for the best.

It was never your fault (even though he said it was) – you loved that man truly. You loved him for everything he was to the point where you even found excuses for the monster hiding beneath his smile.

You never wanted to disappoint him, so you continued to plead for his love. It’s not your fault that he made you believe he could love you. It just took you a while to realize that he took advantage of your feelings and manipulated you for his own benefit.

He destroyed your self-love and made you believe that he was the only person who could ever truly love you.

It’s not your fault. I know that you still believe it is. You feel like you deceived yourself and there is still (maybe) a small part of you breaking whenever you miss him.

But look at you now! Look at the person you’ve become. You’re so much stronger. You’re not a victim anymore, you’re an actual survivor.

Your healing process will be so much easier if you just started actually believing that it wasn’t your fault. You’re not to blame for his insecurities or for his obvious lack of respect and love.

He needs to realize that he shouldn’t have treated you like that. He’s the one at fault.

As much you might want to believe that you were as much to blame as he was, this is your moment to take those words back. It’s NOT your fault. It never was.

He saw your love and exploited it.

He’s the monster. You’re just the beautiful maiden who made her way out of his claws.

To The Girl Who Confused Abuse For Love: It's Not Your Fault

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Thursday 29th of April 2021

[…] To the girl who confused abuse for love, I want to tell you that it’s not your fault. But by allowing an abuser to continue hurting you instead of going through the stages of healing after emotional abuse, you’re intentionally hurting yourself. […]

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