Doesn’t it scare you, too? The thought of telling someone that, yes, you deserve more in the relationship and you should be getting it.
What if he gets mad at you? What if he tells you that he’s already giving you everything he can?
These questions run through your mind at lightning speed when, once again, you’re left curled up in your bed yet unable to sleep.
Someone once shared an epiphany with me:
We do too much in relationships because we think that we don’t deserve the same treatment in return.
This is obvious when you give your partner the bigger portion of food or when you give him the softer blanket and you take the rough, old one.
You listen to your partner when he’s feeling off, even if you’re the one who’s been depressed for the past few weeks.
Your mind tells you that he needs the support right now and that your issues aren’t really that serious.
All of this happens because don’t believe that you deserve nice things in your life.
I know, it’s amazing to know that you are contributing to the relationship through these things.
But you shouldn’t have to rob yourself of things for the benefit of the relationship.
This is your reminder to give yourself permission to ask for more in a relationship.
You are not a spoiled brat if you ask for more attention. You are not selfish if you ask for the same treatment in return.
Would you say that your partner gives the same amount of effort into the relationship as you do? Would you say that he is just as devoted?
If you have to spend even a minute thinking about the answer, then he obviously isn’t and you’re just trying to find excuses for him.
He doesn’t deserve them.
Don’t make yourself feel like you’re less worthy of the same things, simply because you have been taught through trauma and your childhood that you should expect it.
You deserve the entire world and more.
Whenever your friend tells you a story about how her husband did something for her, like cooked her dinner or bought her flowers, you might want the same thing for yourself as well.
Let me tell you that you deserve that, too.
Yes, it will take a long conversation with your partner.
You will need to sit him down and walk him slowly through the things that you want to be changed in your relationship.
You can even make a schedule! Decide on which days he’s going to cook and when you’ll do it.
Tell him that gifts are needed every now and then to make you feel a little bit more special.
You are not asking him to spend hundreds of dollars, you are asking him to buy you flowers every once in a while. Don’t settle for less than that!
There is no one out there who deserves fancy dates and beautiful surprises more than you do. You deserve those things, too!
Stop telling yourself that those things are more suited for other women. No.
You have the full right to ask for more in your relationship and you need to give yourself permission for that.
Sometimes, it’ll be hard. Especially if you’re not used to it.
It might even become anxiety-inducing to ask your boyfriend or husband for the things you yearn for in your relationship.
If you’re too scared to ask him for these things that’ll make you happier in your relationship, then why are you with him?
This man you love so much should be someone who should want to do anything and everything to make you happy.
There are men out there who won’t hesitate to spend all of their efforts just to see you smile.
What will he do if you ask him for more effort, more time, or more attention?
Will he throw a tantrum and tell you that he’s already doing too much for you?
A man who isn’t willing to see his own faults isn’t someone you should want to associate yourself with, let alone give your heart to.
Why would you want someone who isn’t willing to do things that’ll make his partner happy?
Yes, it’s that simple.
You need to give yourself permission to ask for more in a relationship. You need to raise your standards higher.
Anyone who isn’t ready to meet your standards shouldn’t even be part of your life.
But isn’t that better than being stuck with someone who doesn’t know how to treat us right?
It’s so much better to put your wants and needs out there and see how someone will react.
Even if he doesn’t share your opinions, at least you know that that man was never supposed to be yours.
You deserve someone who will meet your needs and you will meet his in return. You two need to work together in order to become a better union.
If you’re not happy in this relationship, then you can’t forever pretend that you are.
At some point, you’ll break down. You’ll cry your eyes out because he wasn’t able to give you what you were looking for.
Go get the things you deserve.