This Is Me Choosing My Mental Health Over You

You were my friend. One of my best, actually, so you knew everything that was going on in my life. So you knew what troubles I had in my previous relationship. You were always there to support me and point out that I deserve so much better.

It always felt like you were pointing to yourself, but I never thought about that too much until my last relationship fell apart. I was so upset, trying to figure out the mistakes both of us made. Trying to feel better after losing the one I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with.

And you came to me with all those promises. You told me you knew what I’ve been through and that you would never let me face those issues again. And you promised that you’d help me get back on my feet. You knew how broken I was and said that it would all change the moment I decided to date you.

I was vulnerable, so I believed everything you said. I jumped from one relationship to another, believing that you’d be the one to put a smile back on my face. And you did, at least at the beginning. You really acted the way you promised.

I didn’t have to deal with all the jealousy I faced with my ex. Finally, I was free to enjoy the things I really missed. I even started going out with some of my friends. And you were completely fine with that. You said that trust is very important, and you chose to trust me so we could have a healthy relationship.

People told me I looked happier than ever and they were really glad to see me happy again. And I saw the same thing in the mirror. It was such an amazing feeling.

I really believed that it would stay that way for a long time. I actually thought you may just be the right choice for me.

But God, how wrong was I. It started with some small disagreements. I thought it was a normal thing. You know, we are different people, so of course, we’ll have some differences when it comes to our opinions, plans or goals.

But as time passed, my high ambitions started bothering you. You complained that I work and study too much and that it was taking away so much time we could spend together. I believed you, so I decided to use my “me time” to spend more time with you. And you were happy again.

That didn’t last long. Soon after that, my friends started bothering you. You told me that men and women can’t have real friendships, and you made me believe that I was putting our relationship at risk when going out with my male best friends.

However, it was somehow okay for you to go out with your female friends. I didn’t want to make a scene, though, so I stopped texting and going out with them.

It made you happy for some time, but then you started checking my social media. Asking me about my rising number of followers, the time I spend on each social media profile I have, the posts I like, and the people I chat with. You’d check my “last seen” information and get furious every time I stayed up late.

I stopped using my phone that much, even though my phone is my favorite tool for relaxation. You were happy again. But guess what? You found a new “problem” – this time you wanted to go through my phone. When I refused, you were so angry that I got scared at some point.

So I gave in, and you started regularly checking my gallery, messages, phone calls – basically everything you could find on my phone.

That’s how it started. The beginning of my fall. I gave you everything I had and I lost all of myself. I started getting sadder and sadder. And I spent nights remembering the promises you made, and the perfect beginning we had. I just couldn’t believe that it had come to this.

Whatever I did for you, it was never enough. I never gave you any reason to doubt me, but somehow you always found a way to accuse me of being disloyal or dishonest. Every day I had to defend myself and find proof that I was telling the truth, yet you always had some new ideas that made me look guilty.

I broke down, shattered into a million pieces, but I never tried to leave you. That’s because I foolishly believed you were doing all of these things because you loved me. At least that’s what you said.

But you can’t call this behavior love. I gave you countless chances because I believed you just didn’t know how to express love the right way. But I can’t do it anymore.

Some people only get one chance from me, you got too many to count, and yet still you want more. I’m sorry, but I’m done playing by your rules. You broke me more than anyone else has before, and I don’t know when and how I’ll ever put those pieces back together.

But there’s one thing I know for sure. And it’s that I’m choosing my mental health over you. It’s time for me to love myself enough to let go of the things that try to drown me. And you are one of those things. I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but I’m not sorry for doing this.

And if you’re wondering why, just look back at all the things you promised, and all the things you’ve done instead. I hope you’ll be a better partner for the next girl you find. But don’t hope that you’ll get another chance for me.

Goodbye.