This story is always a little too emotional for me, but I feel like people need to understand that this is completely normal. We all feel like this about certain people in our lives, so we have to know that we’re not the only person in this world experiencing these feelings.
I’ve been trying for a while now to fall out of love with him. When everyone tells you that you need to forget about him, you start to mask your emotions. You act indifferent when you’re with your friends because you don’t want them to worry about you.
What they fail to see is your broken heart. You’re mending it somewhere deep down and you’re doing it in total silence. Everyone believes that you’ve forgotten about him, but your heart still skips a beat when he’s around you.
But your friends are so proud of you. They tell you that you’re doing a great job and that you’re so strong for being able to move on.
They don’t see that you still cry yourself to sleep just thinking about him. No one would understand if you told them that you scroll through the pictures of you two together for hours. Why would you want to do that if you’re over him? They obviously don’t know that you shared some absolutely wonderful times with that man.
That’s one of the things that happened to me. I wanted to forget about him, I wanted to fall out of love with him and even hate him for what he had done, but I couldn’t.
When you’re in a relationship with someone for years, you believe you know them better than anyone else. I thought that myself.
I’d spend hours debating with my friends why he didn’t mean the awful things he said to me. They were always so hesitant to believe me because they saw him as nothing more than a scam. They saw him as a threat.
To be honest, I get why they would think that. He didn’t treat me right by any means. He was manipulative and verbally abusive. That man was everything our moms warned us about when we were little girls.
But I still fell for him.
I guess the relationship fell apart by itself. We screamed and shouted, but it’s over now. So now I’m by myself, trying to pick up my pieces.
Mending your own broken heart is no small task, I can tell you that much. It’s like the wound can re-open itself at any given moment.
There’s no warning, it just hits unexpectedly. You remember him and everything you went through, and feel like you can’t catch your breath.
But this doesn’t mean that I hate him. If anything, my heart is still fond of him and I love him. Whenever I see him, I feel a sense of peace. It’s as if I’m home.
His arms are so familiar to me and I’d be able to feel how it’d be to have them wrapped around me. Even though he’s on the other side of the room, I know exactly how he smells and can distinguish the rasp in his voice anywhere.
That man was my home for so long. How am I supposed to fall out of love with someone who gave me so much safety and security? Even though it was unhealthy, we still found a way to love each other.
Those friends of mine don’t trust the smile I keep on my face whenever I talk about him. They feel as if I’m faking that fondness, but I’m truly not.
I wish that man the best in his life, but I must also take care of myself right now.
If I want to fall out of love with him one day, I have to realize that a man’s love is futile. I have to realize that the only love that actually counts in my life is the love I’m able to give to myself.
So to you, and every woman out there, just know that you’re not the only one going through this. I know that it hurts to think that he’s happy with someone else, but isn’t that what you always wanted for him? To be happy?
If he finds that joy in the arms of another woman, then let him be. I’m not saying that it won’t hurt, I’m just saying that you need to accept this fact and live with the knowledge that you’re on your own right now.
You and I have to love ourselves now. I’m glad that I have my own love and support above anyone else’s. And I’m happy to tell you that I’m so completely mesmerized by how gentle I am to myself during these hard times.
So please go gentle on yourself as well. Turn that fondness toward yourself, treat yourself with kindness and without any judgment.
We’ll be stuck on this emotional roller coaster for a while longer, so buckle up! Your emotions will go from zero to one hundred real quick and you need to be prepared for that.
Be your own biggest support system, but never be afraid to ask for help.
These are reminders for myself as well, for those times when I feel like I will never stop loving him. Time will eventually heal those wounds and your love for yourself will mend them into a new beginning.
You’ll be free of him one day. I will be free of this man too.
Until then, we just have to trust the process. We have to accept that we’re here right now and that we can’t change that. I’m hurting so freaking much, but I’m making do with what I have.
Right now, I still love him. I still care for him. But I’ll steadily fall out of love with him. One day, with a little bit of self-love and the support of the people around me, it won’t hurt as much.
One day, I’ll be able to look and think of him as a fond memory and nothing more.
So don’t lose hope, my dear. You’ll be fine. You’re not alone on your quest and you’ll always have people around you who’ve gone through the same exact thing you’re going through right now.
So lean on them and trust them when they say: You will fall out of love with him.
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