When you finally find the person you’ve been looking for your whole life, you only wish for love to last forever. You wish to receive that happy ending you’ve been struggling to find your whole life.
But when the one you love still has his eyes on someone from his past, you already know that your story isn’t going to play out the way you hope.
When I met you, I heard bells ringing. A strange song was resonating in my ears and it all felt like a meeting that was destined to happen. Our eyes met and I knew that I could lose myself in them, without doubt or regret.
You were nice to me and I started to fall. And although it seemed like the best decision of my life at the time, it turned out to be one that would break me in a way I’ve never been broken before.
Most nights, I still wait to hear you knocking on my door, asking if you could come in. I wish to welcome you in my arms while you whisper in my ears that you no longer love her.
But as I slowly fall asleep, I always realize that scenario will never happen. I’ll always be your second choice while she’ll keep wearing her crown as proud queen of your heart.
That’s why I decided to walk away from you. I just couldn’t keep torturing myself, knowing that I’ll never mean as much to you as she does.
You like me, but you’ll never be able to love me the way you love her. You’ll keep giving me chances, but as soon as she re-enters your life, you’ll leave me by the wayside to run after her.
That’s the painful reality of being your second choice.
No matter how hard I keep showing you that you’re my number one, you’ll still be unable to make me your priority. However hard I keep fighting for you, you’ll still abandon me to go and save her.
I know that for a fact, and that’s exactly why I have to go. If I don’t want to let myself suffer even more, I have to do something and break away from you.
I know we did get along and always seemed happy when spending time together, but I also know that you always kept looking for her in me. In the way I talk, laugh, or walk.
You kept staring into my eyes, hoping to find that light she has every time she talks about something she loves.
You tried pretending that you were kissing her instead of me, and I know that by how surprised you’d look every time you’d open your eyes.
I couldn’t stay anymore. I felt worse every time I realized that I’m only your second choice and nothing more.
If you were to choose between us, she’d always be your first pick. Even though I was giving my best to impress you, it still wasn’t good enough to compare with her.
These thoughts haunt me, and I have trouble living my life normally.
Every time you invited me out, I knew that you expected her to come. I could see it in your eyes, but I kept acting ignorant, thinking that would save me from pain.
But instead, I ended up suffering even more. The idea that you’d never be happy with me the way you would be with her kept taunting me, and I had to put a stop to it.
Although I still love you, I’m aware that I stand no chances against her. I’ll always be a second choice, no matter how hard I fight for our love. So, I’ve decided to stop fighting altogether since it’s all in vain.
I know you’ll probably still dial my number whenever she decides to walk away from you one more time.
My contact is still saved as “The one who comes after her.” And that’s exactly why I shouldn’t allow myself to pick up, no matter how hard I want to hear you tell me you want me again.
I know that you’ll keep giving me another chance every time she decides that she needs a break from you. I’ll be your shoulder to cry on and rebound girl, all wrapped up in one. But the harsh reality is that I’ll never be more than that.
That’s the maximum you can give to me, and I can’t allow myself to live a life like that. I can’t let myself pick up her crumbs, no matter how much I love you. Because I know that you’ll never love me the same way.
You think that I won’t abandon you and that’s why you’ll keep calling me every time you need company.
But this time, I must be strong enough to resist the temptation to pick up the phone. I must be strong enough to know that I’ll never mean as much to you as she does, and that’s why I should let go.
I need to let go of the hope that you’ll finally choose me because, honestly, that’s never going to happen. One half of me already knows that, but the other half is still fighting hard to make you stay.
I’ll always love you, that’s a fact. But that doesn’t mean that I should let you walk over me as you please. That doesn’t mean that I should ignore my own well-being for the sake of yours.
I’ve faced facts that I’ll forever be your option number two. But that shouldn’t make me put myself second as well.
That’s why I’m ending the story between us. I gave you everything I had and it still couldn’t measure up to her.
So, I don’t want to keep being a loser in a game that I’m set up to fail. I need to stop this agony for the sake of my own happiness.
I know that I deserve better, and that I’ll never be able to get that if I keep being your second choice. The time has come for me to finally choose myself. I must, or I’ll fall apart like a house of cards.
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