My heart still aches for him. Even at times when I think that I’ve forgotten about him, he crawls back under my skin and the memory of him hurts.
When you’re in a relationship with someone, you get to know them. You go through so many ups and downs with that person. So in the end, when things fall apart, you know why it’s over.
Yes, the memories you’ve made make a comeback every once in a while. They haunt you, but at the same time, you can remember clearly why you decided to part ways. Either the guy wasn’t right for you or he didn’t treat you right.
Whatever the reason, it’s enough to realize that it’s the best for you both.
But what happens when you don’t have a valid reason? What happens when you never had the chance to call this person yours, to begin with?
It’s easier to break things off and find closure when you walk away from someone who hurt you than someone who just disappeared without ever giving a proper explanation. Your thoughts start working against you.
I wanted to see where things could go from there. We talked for so long that I actually believed I’d call him mine at some point in the future. No one put that much effort into keeping in touch with me, no one showed me that much interest.
He seemed to love talking to me just as much as I loved hearing his voice.
The worst part about it all was that we made so many plans for the future.
We weren’t able to be together at that particular moment, because miles were keeping us apart back then. Things didn’t seem to fall into place for us, but we would still daydream and plan for the future.
There were so many options for us back then. We planned to move to the same city, to live together, to find a way to be with each other. It was hard to keep a long-distance relationship alive when you only saw each other once a month or maybe even less.
Yes, social media helped, but it can never really be a replacement for actual face-to-face conversation. You can never replace a hug with a gif or sticker.
We were able to communicate on a daily basis, but weren’t able to see each other. So we didn’t want to make things exclusive.
I know many people in this world are more than capable of making things like this work, but for us, it wasn’t an option. We just hoped that the future would create an opportunity for us to be together.
So we planned, we dreamed, and we hoped. But as time went by, things didn’t fall into place and we grew apart.
You fall in love with people that can actually be there for you, physically. This is a normal thing to happen, so we simply fell apart and one day he stopped replying to my texts.
I guessed that he was simply happy without me in his life, and that thought made me happy, even though I cried the whole night.
Even if it hurt, it still meant that he got the love that he deserves.
You can imagine how hard it still is to stop thinking about the possibilities that we probably missed. There were so many things we could’ve done because we always knew that we were actually right for each other.
Even though people think I’m crazy when I say that, I simply knew that he would be a huge part of me even if I did decide to move on.
I would search for him in every man I met afterward because I wanted that romance that seemed to come right out of a movie. But I’ve never been able to find it.
I understand that it’s mostly due to the fact that there are too many what-ifs left unanswered.
What if we were actually soulmates? What if it was a once-in-a-lifetime chance?
What would happen if had to see each other today? Should I text him again?
Can you imagine the life that you live afterward? Where you constantly question what would’ve happened if you stayed in contact for a while longer?
The hardest person to let go of is the person you never had.
That’s why it hurt so badly when I saw him in a completely different town, walking the same way I remembered, looking like he was made for great things. I saw him and wondered if he would recognize me – if the memories haunted him too.
Because the few times that we were able to see each other were truly that special. But I didn’t want to risk it, so I never went up to him to greet him or did anything to make my presence known.
Who knows how long I’ll think of him. Maybe for the rest of my life. And the memories will open up a scabby wound each time.
Maybe I’ll forget about him when I meet the love of my life and that’s when I’ll be able to completely let go of him. But then again, what if I end up telling my children about him?
It’s quite possible, considering the mark he left on my heart.
I just wish he could know how much he still means to me, even years later. And I hope that he feels the same way, because feeling like this on my own is completely heartbreaking.
I hope that there’ll come a day where he won’t enter my thoughts. Until then, it just feels right to always have him in the back of my mind.
This is why I wish you all the luck in this world if you’re trying to get over someone that was never actually yours.