Dating in today’s world can be extremely confusing and difficult. Will you see each other today, or maybe tomorrow? Do they feel the same way you do? Are you going to hurt them if you say that you liked their hair longer?
It’s never an easy way to navigate and maintain a healthy relationship, but what happens when someone has a different view on love? What if he or she is in constant fear of abandonment, has extreme mood changes, and holds you accountable for everything that’s happening?
Being in a relationship with someone who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be extremely challenging and nerve-racking. But is it worth it? That’s up to you to decide.
We can’t choose who we fall in love with, because the heart wants what it wants, right?
There are some dangers of dating someone with BPD that you should be aware of if you want to start a relationship with them (or if you already are in one). Here they are.
1. They are overly emotional
People who suffer from BPD tend to be overly emotional. It’s really important for you to know that these emotional outbursts happen occasionally, and they don’t last for too long. Usually, when something bad happens, they experience strong emotions.
For them, everything is black or white, right or wrong – and there’s no middle ground. In one moment, you’ll be their soulmate and the ideal partner for them. The next, they’ll tell you that you’re the worst. And this can last from a couple of minutes to a few hours.
2. They have fear of being abandoned
Since BPD is usually caused by some childhood trauma, they’re afraid you’ll leave them. The trigger might be something as small as getting home 5 minutes late from work. They may make different assumptions, sometimes completely irrational.
In some cases, people who suffer from BPD may turn to emotional manipulation and even start blackmailing you. They could threaten with suicidal thoughts to prevent you from leaving them. They could also start tracking your movements and become clingy.
3. They have a short temper
When a stressful situation occurs, partners with BPD can easily lose their temper. It may seem to you like they’re overreacting, but what just happened seems like a big deal to them. They have anger issues and it’s really hard for them to control them.
If you say something to them and they misunderstand it, prepare to have a heated argument. You’ll have to be the one responsible to navigate the conflict, since their emotions are now all over the place. Saying that communication is the key is at least twice as important in these relationships.
4. They have sudden mood swings and are prone to erratic behavior
Because they have short temper and emotional outbursts, it’s natural to expect extreme mood swings and erratic behavior as well. These can go from I love yous to I hate yous in a blink of an eye. They may get abusive, start driving irresponsibly, or even resort to excessive drinking.
In some extreme cases, even paranoia may appear where they become delusional and unreasonably jealous.
5. They think you’re the only one who can save them
Since you’ve been there for them all this time, they may perceive you as their savior. You’ve always been the one who calmed them down and held them when they were feeling down. They’ve become overly attached and it’s gone to extremes.
Relationships of those who suffer from BPD are often very passionate, but short. It’s difficult for them to change their unhealthy relationship habits, but with a little help, they can do it.
6. They’ll blame you for all the problems in the relationship
If you’re dating a person with BPD you already know that every single problem you encounter as a couple is your fault. The feeling of emptiness may appear as they accuse you of “not caring enough.”
When they’re not feeling confident or their self-esteem is wounded, you’ll be the one to bear the brunt of it.
7. Your words and actions will always be questioned
You didn’t answer the message immediately? They’ll make a fuss out of it. If you decide to stay in for Netflix & chill, they may question the reasons behind your decision. Sometimes, they make up their own theories and probably accuse you of something outright bizarre like, for instance, cheating.
If you decide to take a shortcut and get back earlier from work, they come up with different scenarios in their heads and make themselves miserable. The chances are high that may cause drama without any obvious reason.
You may feel responsible…
When you’re dating someone with borderline personality disorder, it may be difficult to maintain your well-being. You could start questioning yourself and your actions, leading to some mental problems as well.
However, if you decide to take the risk, you have to make sure you establish some boundaries and never cross the limits. No matter how much you love your partner, your own sanity comes first. This relationship can easily turn into a toxic one and cause you real damage.
You’ll need to learn to distance yourself and realize that this is something your partner cannot control. Don’t take things personally, but if you feel like it’s overwhelming and you’re compromising your health and overall wellness, learn to walk away.