Loving a narcissist is like stumbling down a downward spiral without an end. A bottomless pit of absolute misery and pain, with little sparks of joy here and there.
He was so good at disguising his true intentions. You thought that he was the right man for you because he played the role so well.
He made you believe that you were his one true love. He told you that you were the person he had always been looking for and this man actually convinced you that he could love you more than he loved himself.
So what happens once you succeed in walking away from him? What happens when you’re done with the narcissist who’s been abusing you for years now?
You’ll feel the aftermath of loving a narcissist as clear as day. When things start becoming more apparent to you, your own mind starts to recognize all the things that happened to you.
It’s not just that you’ve been broken by a narcissist, but the memories of it make it even harder to heal.
You’ll go back to every time he belittled you and you didn’t know how to respond.
He made you feel like you were the most awful girlfriend out there, even though you tried so hard.
He told you that you were the only problem in his life and that everything would have been so much better without you.
But when you tried to leave, he made you feel guilty for choosing yourself over him.
This man actually believed that you were his property and that all your stress was your own fault and never his.
So when you remember how he treated you, you burst into tears again.
This is PTSD, without a doubt.
You dream of these moments like they’re your current reality. You wake up in a sweat, praying to God that when you open your eyes, he won’t be there.
If you’re someone who loved a narcissist, you know how vulnerable and frightened you always are.
You constantly expect him to show up somewhere.
You jump when someone raises their voice at you and you flinch when other people approach you.
Even if your symptoms aren’t this severe, you still feel your entire body tense when you smell the same aftershave that he used.
You’d recognize it anywhere and that’s what’s so scary about it.
You always feel like he’s close. Other people see how vulnerable you are, but they probably don’t comment on it for your own good.
You cry so easily now that everyone is being extremely careful around you as they don’t want to upset you.
They’ve seen enough of your broken heart to know that it’s better to make you feel safe than to mention him.
Only those closest to you know that your smile is nothing more than a facade.
You put on your make-up and a smile, thinking that you’ll fool the world into thinking that you’re all right.
Nevertheless, you’re breaking inside. You’re breaking from the inside out.
Someone must know how you’re feeling? They see the way you’re breaking on a daily basis.
Your smile doesn’t reach your eyes anymore. You laugh, but your laughter is hollow and without the same energy it had before.
So as not to alarm anyone, you put a smile on your face. You believe that they’ll feel better if you smile.
The truth that people don’t see is that you’ve forgotten how to genuinely smile. Happiness seems like such a strange concept to you now.
And when they ask you to tell them what happened, you feel like someone slapped you.
They’ll never understand the things that you went through.
You don’t think that you even want them to understand and you wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone.
So you simply don’t talk about the things that happened.
It hurts. It hurts to go back, even though they’re just memories.
However, you also can’t bear to see the looks on their faces.
Their pity is absolutely unnecessary because you’ve come out so much stronger than you were.
You don’t want them to pity you. You don’t want them to look at you and see a victim, but a survivor.
The aftermath of loving a narcissist leaves you with scars that come with trust issues.
Those scars he left burn every time you try to trust someone new.
They remind you of what you went through and what happened when all you wanted was to love and be loved.
You stopped trusting people before you even left the relationship.
Narcissistic abuse leaves you absolutely broken inside and makes you believe that everyone wants to hurt you.
He convinced you of that. He made sure you believed no one, not even yourself.
This man made you believe that you were crazy every time you doubted him.
So how can you be naive and so paranoid at the same time? Well, that’s what happens when you escape the claws of a narcissist.
You’re recovering from him. But you know that it’ll take a while before you’re fully capable of healing.
You’re convinced that it’ll hurt forever but let me be the first one to say that it won’t.
Yes, your recovery will last a long time. You’ll feel like you’re falling apart inside and out but you’ll be fine.
You can’t give up just because he made you feel worthless. Show him just how wrong he was about you when he called you weak.
Show him that you’re stronger than he ever knew!
You deserve this! You owe this to yourself!
After going through hell, you finally have the strength to stand on your own two feet. At times, you’ll feel like it was a curse, but unless you get past it, he wins!
You can’t let him win.
There’ll be someone in this world who’ll show you that love isn’t supposed to hurt like that.
Even if you don’t find your special someone, if you decide that you’d rather be alone, then do that.
But never forget that you’re strong enough to find happiness. You have to know that you’re so much stronger than you let yourself believe.
So please don’t give up on yourself, even if the aftermath of loving a narcissist is awful.