You’ve met someone and now, you constantly feel this need to spend every second of your day with him. Whenever you don’t see each other for longer than 8 hours, you instantly start thinking that he’s going to leave you and your relationship will end.
But what if I told you that what you’re feeling isn’t love but rather codependency? What if I told you that your relationship isn’t healthy and never will be unless you change something?
We’re all looking for someone to make us feel safe and who we’ll want to spend every day with. We want that special kind of love that makes you feel alive and as if you’re living your life to the fullest.
But when your relationship is based on anxiety and fear, then it has nothing to do with love. Honestly, the only reason you want to hang out with your partner every day is that you’re afraid things will fall apart if you don’t.
This is a clear sign that you’re suffering from codependency and what you’re feeling isn’t love.
In this case, you’ll spend time with your partner because you feel like you have to. If you don’t see him today, even though you didn’t have any free time, you immediately start thinking he’ll break up with you.
You always let him pick the restaurant because you don’t know how to express your opinion. You believe that he’ll get upset if he doesn’t make the choice, regardless of the fact that he never said as much.
Or you even decide to stay in a relationship because you’re afraid of moving on. What if you never again find someone who’ll love you? And what if you break up with him and waste your chance of leading a stable life, even though this relationship isn’t making you happy?
Fear is a strong trigger and it makes you do things you usually wouldn’t do. It pushes you to ignore your values because you’re afraid of ending up alone, with no one by your side.
Right now, you could be pretending that you’re in love since you’re too scared to admit to yourself that this isn’t happiness. Your codependency is preventing you from leading a life you desire because you don’t think that you can get yourself there.
“I’m fine this way. At least I have someone by my side and I’m not all alone. Things could be worse, so I shouldn’t waste what I have for something I’m not even sure I can get.”
You can choose to live a life like this, but you must realize that this isn’t love. This relationship will never bring you joy and fulfillment because you’re not truly in love with the person.
You’re with him only because you’re afraid to take control of your life.
If this thing was indeed love, then you would’ve never felt like you had to do something. Instead, you would’ve done things because you actually wanted to.
You’d spend time with your boyfriend because there’d be no other place you’d rather be. You wouldn’t be sitting in the same room with him and dreaming of all of the things you could be doing right now.
He would be your first choice and not an option you picked only because you felt like you had to.
Love happens unexpectedly and you can’t really decide if you want it to happen or not. You meet a person and realize something keeps pulling you toward them, although you can’t tell what.
You spend time with this special human being and get to know him better. Then, as time goes by, you realize you love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together.
There are no breaks with love. Once it happens, you go with it and make other choices on the go.
You can’t pause it and make calculations about what move could take you to your final destination. You can only fly on its wings and do your best so both you and your partner end up happy.
Codependency may feel safer as once you find someone who takes away the fear, you choose to stay with him because you think that’s your best option. You settle for less than you can get because it’s right there and you don’t want to risk losing it.
With real love, you never know where it’s going to take you. And even though it can be scary, you don’t want to lose this person only out of fear.
You’ll roam around the world with him because his presence makes you happy. Not once will you feel as if you settled.
Not once will you think you’re wasting your time on someone not worthy of your love only because you weren’t sure that you could get more.
If you’re trying to play it safe, then maybe you shouldn’t choose love because it can take you anywhere. It can make you move towns or even countries. It can make you quit a job you hate so you can start your own small business.
On the other hand, codependency will make you stay in the same spot for years because it tells you that you should risk anything in life.
Its fear won’t push you forward, but will instead try to show you how not going anywhere is a good thing.
Now, it’s up to you to decide what you want to get from life. Will you let fear take control you or will you choose love and fly away if needed?
I just hope that whatever you choose, you’ll end up happy. That’s what matters the most.