Can you imagine what would happen if you were to talk to yourself like someone you love? If you were to give yourself a pep talk on a daily basis instead of putting yourself down?
Can you already tell the difference? Is it more than obvious that your whole life would go through a complete change for the better if only you modified the way you treat yourself?
Often, we put others first and we give them all of the love we have. As a result, we forget to love ourself.
We forget to treat ourself in a nice way and we persist in making our own life hell. In the end, we end up looking like our own greatest enemy instead of our own best friend.
From the moment you wake up, you start your journey of self-pity and self-deprecation. Instead of cheering yourself up, you choose to put yourself down.
You act like all of the great things you do through life are easily achievable. You play it cool and convince yourself that everyone’s capable of accomplishing your goals.
Even though you know that you’ve put a ton of time and effort into being where you currently are, you still choose to ignore your success. Apparently it’s easier to put yourself down than to say that you’re doing great.
But why do you do that? Why do you choose to not talk to yourself the way you talk to someone you love?
Is it really that hard or is there some other reason why you keep doing that to yourself? And how do you even start your journey of self-love and change the way you treat yourself?
Possible reasons why you don’t talk to yourself like someone you love
Over and over again, you willingly make the decision to ruin your each day. You treat yourself like you don’t deserve much, while all of the others around you get your utmost attention and care.
Why does this keep happening? There must be an explanation, since talking trash about yourself certainly counts as verbal and emotional bullying.
You’re making your life harder by being your own worst enemy and you finally want to know why. Well, here are some of the possible explanations that’ll help you open your eyes.
These are some of the reasons why you constantly choose to put yourself last and ignore each and every one of your successes by talking badly about yourself.
1. You assume that being nice to yourself means being selfish
Talking to yourself the way you talk to someone you love doesn’t mean being selfish. It only means that you appreciate yourself for who you are.
But throughout your life, you’ve had the idea that taking care of yourself makes you lose time you could use to take care of someone else. You assume that celebrating your own successes and being your own biggest fan is only a sign that you’re too self-absorbed.
This is the first thing you must change when you’re trying to learn how to love yourself.
There’s no reason why you shouldn’t cheer yourself on, as that only shows that you care about your well-being. And a person who loves themselves is a person who’ll know how to love others as well.
2. You think that you’re wasting your time you could use on other, more important, things
In this fast-paced world, we’re always running somewhere. The days seem to last shorter than usual and as it gets dark, you realize that there are many things you haven’t managed to finish.
That’s why adding self-care to your own daily schedule feels like another obligation. It feels like an unnecessary burden that you don’t need in life.
Why would you bother taking care of yourself when there are so many other things you have to do? Because of this, paying attention to your own needs feels like just another activity that’s wasting your precious time.
And when you have a ton of things to do, the last thing you need is one more duty on your list. You already have too many projects going on and paying attention to your own needs doesn’t sound like a priority.
But unless you find time for yourself, you’ll never know how it feels when someone cares about you unconditionally. You haven’t given yourself love, so others don’t have a reason to treat you any better than you’re used to.
3. You expect others to show you love
One of the obvious reasons why you don’t talk to yourself like someone you love is because you expect others to show you love. You don’t know how to give it to yourself since you think others will do that for you.
We’ve all been guilty of doing things for others and expecting them to give us the same in return. This happens because we’re desperate for love but we don’t know how to give it to ourselves.
Even if you don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, you’re actually putting your own destiny in the hands of others. You’re letting others guide the rest of your life since you’re unable to do that yourself.
If they don’t give you love, you’ll simply convince yourself you’re not worthy of it and this leads me to my next point…
4. You don’t think you’re worthy
You don’t treat yourself the same way you treat others as you don’t realize your value. You’re so used to putting yourself down that you can’t even see how much you’re worth.
Over and over again, you keep working against yourself. Now, you’ve got to a point where you don’t think you’re anything special.
When someone gives you a compliment, you don’t know how to take it, since it comes as a surprise that others see you as a great person. No matter how hard you try, you can’t see anything good in yourself.
In the end, you end up not talking to yourself the way you would talk to someone you love, seeing as you can’t see your worth. You can’t acknowledge that you deserve to be loved the same way as everyone else.
Here’s how you can talk to yourself like someone you love
When you’re so used to putting yourself down, talking to yourself like someone you love ends up being a hard task. Even when you give your best to change your habits, it usually doesn’t last for a long period of time.
Eventually, you go back to your old habits and put yourself down, as you can’t seem to change your mindset. You live in denial that you’re nothing special and you convince yourself you don’t deserve much from life.
Even when you work hard and get something you’ve wanted your whole life, you don’t know how to give yourself a pat on the back. All in all, you end up stuck in a vicious circle of not believing in yourself and thinking that none of the things you do matter.
But you must make a change if you want to lead a happy life. You need to start talking to yourself like someone you love.
That’s the only way you’ll learn how to grow as a person and finally start loving yourself. And until you figure out how to love yourself, you won’t know what true happiness feels like.
So, here are some tips you should follow if you’re trying to learn how to talk to yourself like someone you love. Just bear in mind that it’s not only about words but also about actions.
1. Appreciate yourself
“You can’t do that,” or, “He’s out of your league,” or, “You’re nothing special so don’t expect much from life.” These are all things you probably keep telling yourself daily.
You don’t appreciate yourself as a person and you’re convinced that you don’t have much to offer. You’re so focused on the idea that others are better than you and that ends up being the only thing you think about.
But you must start doing things differently. You need to learn to appreciate yourself in order to move forward through life.
Talk to yourself like someone you love. Replace any words of self-pitying and ignoring your worth with ones that actually show you believe in yourself.
“I can do whatever I want,” “I’m capable of achieving my goals,” or, “There’s no such thing as ‘out of my league’ as I have the full right to flirt with any guy I like.” These are the things you should keep telling yourself instead of those sayings that keep degrading your worth.
You have to appreciate yourself for who you are because no one else will do that for you. If you don’t see your worth, then how do you expect others to see it?
If you keep putting yourself down, then how do you expect others to talk well about you? It’s time to change your old habits and learn how to appreciate yourself.
That’s your first step toward living the life you deserve to lead.
2. Listen to yourself
You’re not only supposed to talk to yourself like someone you love, you’re also supposed to listen to yourself the same way.
When you’re dealing with too many things at a time, you need to give yourself a listening ear. You must allow yourself to speak your mind.
Don’t bottle up your emotions but instead process them in a healthy manner. You have every right to feel blue from time to time and that’s why you have to listen to what your body has to say.
Give yourself a break and don’t push yourself too hard. You deserve to do whatever makes you happy, even if it means that you won’t finish all of your obligations.
Your mental health is what matters the most and you shouldn’t neglect it for the sake of anything else. So, from now on, you must listen to yourself and reflect on your needs.
Stop acting like everything is fine and accept the fact that you’re not superhuman. Stop putting all of your energy into things that don’t make you happy just so you can prove your worth to others.
The only person who now needs to realize your value is yourself. So, take a deep breath and give yourself a break, and step by step, allow yourself to lead the life you deserve.
3. Remind yourself of your strengths
Talk to yourself the same way you would talk to someone you love. Remind yourself of your strengths and stop thinking about only your weaknesses.
Even if your initial reaction is to think that you have no strong suits, I must tell you that you’re wrong. We all have something that we’re proud of, something we can do better than others can.
Some of us are excellent writers and can easily create stories from scratch. Others have handy skills and can fix literally anything they touch.
You may be great at your job, while your friend could be a great painter. None of us are the same and we all have certain characteristics that make us stand out from the rest.
If your best friend was to tell you that she sucks at everything, you would probably remind her of some things she does amazingly. If she told you that she’ll never succeed at anything in life, you would make her a list of the things she does best.
On the flip side, whenever you think that you suck, you simply let yourself fall into a deep pit of negative thoughts. Instead of reminding yourself of your best traits, you keep acting like you have none.
Do you now see the mistake you’re making? Can you understand how much better you treat others than you treat yourself?
It’s time to make a change and do things differently. You have your strengths, you just need to remind yourself of them from time to time.
4. Keep in mind that your weaknesses don’t define you
Don’t give up on your dreams and goals just because you have some weaknesses. We all have them, believe it or not.
Your flaws don’t define you. They don’t guide the way the rest of your life should look.
The good thing is that you’re aware of them because that only means that you know what you should work on. You know what could be improved.
So, stop self-pitying and finally realize that you mustn’t focus only on your flaws. Just because you’re not good at something doesn’t mean that people will think only of your shortcomings when they’re talking to you.
There are many other things about your personality that define you and your imperfections certainly aren’t one of them.
5. Remind yourself that no one’s perfect
If your friend was to constantly bring herself down and keep repeating how she’s a terrible person for making a mistake, what would you tell her? Would you join her and keep showering her with negative comments or would you remind her that none of us are perfect?
The answer is more than obvious and you don’t even have to say it out loud as we all know it. But what matters the most is that you should treat yourself the same way.
Talk to yourself the same way you would talk to someone you love. Remind yourself that nobody’s flawless and that you shouldn’t expect perfection from yourself.
You can only strive for it but even when you do your best, the chances are that something will go wrong. Still, no matter what, it doesn’t mean that you should give up on yourself.
It’s important to live your life as you want and it doesn’t really matter whether you do it perfectly. As long as you’re happy, everything will be fine.
6. Be your own best friend
You need to be your own best friend. You need to talk to yourself the same way you talk to someone you love because it’s the only right recipe for success.
On those days when you feel like giving up, pick yourself up by giving yourself a hand. Be a friend who helps a friend in need.
Don’t expect others to lavish you with love and support but instead do that for yourself. You’re the only person you can rely on at any moment of the day, so don’t let yourself down.
Instead of hating on your flaws and focusing too much on your weaknesses, offer yourself a nice word or two, the same you would tell your best pal. Once you do that, you’ll then be able to find strength when you need it the most.
7. Celebrate your successes
We all celebrate the successes of the people who mean the most to us but we often forget to give ourselves a pat on the back. We ignore our accomplishments, thinking that anyone could achieve the things we did.
But do you really think this is the right way to treat yourself? Do you really want to keep putting yourself down and ignoring all of your achievements?
You deserve to talk to yourself the same way you would talk to someone you love. And since it’s obvious that you would always celebrate the successes of a person who means a lot to you, it’s only fair to do that for yourself as well.
No matter how trivial your success may seem, you should praise yourself for it. Your accomplishments belong only to you and you must learn how to cherish them.
Once you finish something you started, remind yourself of the goal you met. Give yourself a word of acknowledgment, a small gift, or a day off to enjoy some alone time.
Choose whatever makes you happy, as long as you remind yourself of the success you’ve achieved. Even if you think that everyone else could do the same, you still have every right to be proud of yourself.
8. Love yourself on both good and bad days
You need to learn how to love yourself on both good and bad days. When you don’t feel like getting out of your bed, you should still be your own best friend.
You should shower yourself with love, both when you’re thriving and when you’re falling. That’s the only right way you can treat yourself.
You deserve all of the love of this world but you won’t be able to get it unless you learn to love yourself first. That’s the first step you should take in order to live a brighter future.
9. Stop criticizing yourself and be objective for a change
Are you really being honest with yourself or are you looking for a ton of ways to put yourself down? Because constantly criticizing yourself doesn’t seem like an objective standpoint.
If anything, it looks like you’re only looking for ways to talk badly about yourself without ever considering complimenting yourself. And I’m sure that you’re not as bad as you portray yourself to be.
So, this is your chance to change your behavior. Stop talking trash about yourself and be objective for a change.
There are 100% some things that you do amazingly and succeed at them but you still only keep talking about those that you’ve failed at. Talk to yourself the same way you would talk to someone you love and see the change that’ll happen.
10. Fall in love with yourself
You need to fall in love with yourself, with every single part of your personality. You have to learn how to accept yourself for everything you are.
Even though you’re not perfect, you still deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin. You deserve to shower yourself with compliments and be your own biggest cheerleader.
Only then will you be able to lead a happy life. Only then will you experience true love, as no one can love you the way you can love yourself.
11. Cook yourself a meal
While you’re trying to figure out how to talk to yourself like you’re talking to someone you love, you should feed yourself some amazing food. Cook yourself a meal that makes you happy and keep doing that day after day until you finally learn how to love yourself.
Even after you open the door to the world where you accept everything you are, don’t ever forget to feed yourself a meal that puts a smile on your face. Let that be your way of thanking your body for everything it’s done for you.
You’ve got this battle and you should be thankful for that.