In a desperate attempt to avoid loneliness, we have accepted awful and toxic beliefs about love.
It’s like we just wanted an excuse to still love and feel loved, even when it wasn’t healthy for either of us.
Through media, like movies and music, we started idolizing the troubles people go through.
They speak of pain that led to finding the love of their life.
Many of us have lost touch with our own truth.
We have stopped believing that love can be easy and we have fallen victim to these awful and toxic beliefs about love.
Nonetheless, if we want to love and be loved in our own authentic way that will make us happy, we have to let go of these toxic beliefs about love and relationships.
If you keep holding on to them, there’s no guarantee that you’ll be truly happy in any of your relationships.
1. Love can change someone
No, it can’t. Let’s just stop here for a moment and take this in: Your love can’t change someone else.
You can love him from the bottom of your heart, you can give him a thousand chances and he will always be the same person.
Toxic and manipulative people tend to convince their partner that their love is the key to changing their ways.
Don’t fall for this belief about love, because people just use it to get something from you.
Most of the time, they make you stick around for longer than you’d want to.
Love is a great starting point.
You can be supportive, loving, and caring toward your partner, but unless they choose to change, you can’t do anything about it.
However, even when he does make the decision to change, you can still take a few steps back.
It’s a boundary you can create to protect your heart and you’re entitled to do that.
No one should start a relationship if they’re not ready for it, so loving the toxicity out of him isn’t going to work.
2. If he wanted to, he would
I myself am guilty of believing in this one.
This belief about love is rooted in the thought that if he wanted to love you right, treat you nice, and always be there for you, he would.
It’s a very common thought, but it doesn’t matter whether you’ve known each other for years or for days, he still can’t read your mind.
This might upset some of you, but no one can instinctively know how to love you right.
You have to communicate your thoughts, desires, wants, and needs. People can’t just assume the way you want to be loved and cared for.
Your entire relationship is based on communicating with each other and how patient you’re willing to be.
If you have a nice guy who’s simply had different experiences with women, you need to sit him down and explain your needs to him.
“If he wanted to, he would,” is a nice thought but it can only be used if we’re talking about someone who really doesn’t care about you.
Nevertheless, this same logic can’t be used when you refuse to talk about the way you want to be loved. He can’t just assume what you want.
3. Love should be easy
This is also quite a common belief about love. You probably believe that if they’re the right person, it should be easy.
It should feel like you’ve fallen into the arms of the person you were always meant to be with.
You believe that love should be easy if it’s with your soulmate.
You couldn’t be more wrong.
But you keep on believing this because it makes sense to you that when you love someone, you shouldn’t have to work like a dog to please them.
Well, you see, those are two very different statements.
You don’t have to work on a relationship that is manipulative and toxic. There are people out there who will take advantage of you.
However, there is love so pure out there but it still requires work. Relationships will always need work!
You have to learn how to live with this person for the rest of your life.
There will be fights, there will be arguments, but if the two of you believe that things can change and you’re right for each other, you have to work on it.
You can’t just expect things to fall into place. It’s not that easy.
4. You should always be his main focus
It’s quite normal to want to be your partner’s biggest priority and to always have his attention. However, that screams codependence and toxicity.
Yes, you should be his priority in the matter of whether he goes out with his friends tonight or out to dinner with you.
Or if you’re sick, he should be there for you and not out getting drunk.
You shouldn’t even debate things like that; however, your partner has his own life, so you can’t always demand his attention.
He needs his own free time, to relax and meet his friends.
It’s an awful belief about love when it makes you think that your partner should leave everything to be with you.
Yes, you want to spend the entire weekend with him, but you have to take his wishes into consideration too.
He spent the entire week with you. You shouldn’t make a big deal out of it if he chooses to go out drinking with his friends.
On the other hand, you have to understand that you don’t have to always run after him either.
You’ll be much happier if you spend some time apart every once in a while.
5. Not taking no for an answer
Have you ever been in a situation where the guy simply didn’t take no for an answer?
He made these huge romantic gestures just to prove to you that he was worth it.
If you wanted to break up with him, he would tell you that he couldn’t live without you and so on.
You probably said that you didn’t want to talk to him, but he did everything to catch your attention.
How manipulative and toxic is this belief about love? We have been convinced that it’s all right if he continues to try and persuade us.
Those ‘romantic’ gestures that should make you change your mind are obviously a sign that this person doesn’t respect your boundaries.
It’s a very bad belief about love and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.