The million-dollar question: “What are the stages of getting back together with an ex?”
Your relationship is over. That is never easy to say but it is the hard truth. And you want to hear the truth.
Relationships are always fun and games when they start.
When you and your partner are getting to know each other, including his and your characteristics, emotions, and needs.
At the very beginning of every relationship, a man and a woman display their best behavior, their nicest clothes, and put all their effort into working things out.
Sometimes, the euphoria and blissful times end, and a couple start to notice traits or actions that are not what they were searching for.
Sometimes, things don’t go the way they were planned.
After a gruesome time together, you break up. You become exes. That is the word no one wants to hear.
Relationships end and you seem to comprehend that, but what is hard to explain is why the feelings still remain even if that person has left your life.
Getting back together with an ex should be an option if you still have emotions toward them.
Life changes and so do people. You assume that the person you meet will be the same person after some time but that’s not the case.
You discover new things about them, some things that might force you to reconsider your relationship with them.
However, once you have broken up, as time passes, no matter what the cause of the breakup was, you will still remember the good times.
Those times where your heart was filled with happiness and joy, and you didn’t worry about a thing.
Those times where the two of you just looked at the stars and thought how perfect life could be if you just had each other.
You think those cracks of happiness will never be filled.
As time progresses, you will have this urge to rekindle the old flame. Don’t worry, it is normal that you feel that way.
People have this innate desire to get back to what they once had, to continue something that they feel is not over yet.
Getting back together with your ex is hard. It takes a lot of self-reflection and self-evaluation.
After that, you could consider getting back with your ex. But, how do you even know if he wants you back and how do you get him back?
How to tell if he wants you back?
It’s hard to see the signs that he wants you back, especially when you are dealing with emotional stress after a breakup.
I will talk later about the stages of getting back together with an ex, but first, here are some key pointers to look out for if you think that he wants you back:
- Can’t stop communicating with you
- Holds eye contact
- Gives you attention
- Asks your friends if you mention him
- Is open to trying new things with you
The first sign is self-explanatory.
If your ex reaches out to you first, that is a great sign that he feels like there is some unfinished business between you two.
Pay attention to this! Don’t be fooled and go running back into his arms the first time he contacts you.
If you faithfully stick to the ‘no contact rule‘, then your chances of him contacting your greatly improve.
The second sign is something to keep in mind if you want to find out if he wants you back – his eyes or rather, his eye contact.
The first time you see him again after the breakup is vital. Just pay attention to his eye contact.
If you feel like he is drawn to you, like he cannot keep his eyes off you, then he wants you back.
The third sign is a dead giveaway – when he gives you his attention. It doesn’t get any clearer than that.
An ex who showers you with his attention day in and day out, well, girl, you know what they say: actions speak louder than words.
The fourth sign to pay attention to is whether or not he asks your mutual friends if you mention him.
He wants to know what is going on in your life. He wants to know if you have found somebody new.
It is a good sign if he questions other people about whether you have moved on or not.
Needless to say, it could also be that he is talking about you and not just asking questions about your life.
The fifth sign, and I think the most important one, is if he wants to try out new things with you.
If he is open to trying new things, even though you know he wasn’t like that before in a relationship, that’s an obvious sign that he wants you back.
Before jumping to the stages of getting back together with an ex, just keep in mind that no matter what, communication is the key to every successful relationship.
If you are getting back together with your ex, be open with each other and most importantly, be honest with yourself and your partner.
The stages of getting back together with an ex
1. You have self-doubt
Take it slow. My best advice if you are getting back together after a breakup is to take things slowly.
If you rush into things, then the same problems will arise and the ending will be the same as the previous one.
If you have decided to give you and your partner a second chance, or rather, if you have given him a second chance, there is a high probability that you will have negative thoughts swirling around your head.
There will be a little voice that will tell you to worry about whether or not you will have the same fate as you did the first time you two tried.
You start questioning yourself; is it a mistake that you have given him a second chance?
Instead of worrying about that, you should focus on the things at hand and make it work. What you put into a relationship is what you get back.
Getting back together with an ex doesn’t mean you won’t make it work. There is no gold standard that you can follow if you want a relationship to work out.
The reality is that the past cannot be changed. You cannot go back.
The only thing that matters is that both of you work on yourselves and acknowledge your mistakes.
If you want your relationship to work, the only acceptable way is by starting a new relationship, not continuing where you left off.
My advice to you is to put your previous problems to the back of your mind and hide them so you cannot ever find them.
Learning from previous mistakes is one thing, but carrying them as a burden into a new relationship is a whole other.
2. You worry the same ending might happen again
Once your decision has been made and you dive back into an old relationship, a feeling of comfort will kick in.
It weighed on your heart for so long and now you have come to a resolution. Besides, it was your decision to jump again into unknown waters.
Despite coming to a conclusion and deciding to try again, the voice in your head asks you, “What if?”
What if getting back together with your ex was the right decision?
You question whether or not the two of you have changed somehow. But that is a good thing.
You should have changed. If you haven’t changed then the outcome will be the same.
How do you know if this time it will work? You don’t. Every relationship has a chance to fail. That problem is unavoidable.
Don’t worry. There is a bright side to every problem. You already know what works and what doesn’t work with him. You are ahead of the game.
Getting back together and starting something new is difficult to achieve. It takes a lot of growth from both sides to work things out.
You have to go through what made you fail the first time and change that.
The negative thoughts and bad behavior have to be changed if you want to have a successful relationship with your ex.
You have heard the phrase ‘time heals all wounds’. Actually, that is true.
Give yourself enough time and distance yourself from your old relationship and believe me, you will thrive.
You will be able to figure out what went wrong the first time and work on those problems. However, that same thing applies to your partner.
3. You talk about what happened in your lives while you were apart
As you become more comfortable with each other over time, there comes a point when you should talk about what went wrong the first time and what you did in-between.
There is no need to go into every single detail about what you did; you can say something like, “I dated someone, but it’s not important,” or something like that.
Believe me, that’s good enough. You should not go into details about who they were, where you went, and so on.
Be warned. Even if your partner is hurt or jealous, be my guest, and tell him everything.
The most important thing is to tell the truth, no matter what the cost.
You should never lie to your partner.
He could be surprised somewhere down the road if you don’t tell him immediately. And I don’t mean that in a positive way.
He might even show signs of jealousy or anger, but you should remind him that the two of you were not in a relationship then and that you had the right to date another guy.
Telling each other why you want to give it another try is a part of the stages of getting back together with an ex.
If you had problems with emotional or physical intimacy, or if certain things annoyed you in the first place, then you should address them.
4. You wonder if you are meant for each other
I need to tell you right away that nothing in this world is guaranteed.
Not in love and not in life.
So if you got back together with your ex for reasons other than love and companionship, then I must inform you that it will not work.
Not this time, nor any other.
Fear is a powerful tool. Fear of failure is specific because it gives you the sense that you can overcome it if you are brave enough.
Many people get back together just to prove that they were not the one to blame for the first time they broke up.
If you put your own personal reasons ahead of everything else, you are doomed.
You do not need to prove anything to anybody and no one can fix the past. You can only learn from it so you can improve in the future.
Another thing to keep in mind is that the things that happened in the past should not happen in the present.
If his behavior has not changed since the two of you broke up, then you will fail once more.
These stages of getting back together with an ex could give you an insight into whether or not you are ready to move on from the past.
If he treats you poorly or exhibits signs of past behavior, then it is time to let him go and move on.
You cannot rate someone by your own standards. You cannot make a relationship work by yourself.
He also needs to put in the effort to make things work between you two, and make your new relationship extraordinary.
5. You work hard to fix the previously broken things
The key to getting back together with an ex includes various things.
A new relationship or rather, a new beginning, should be filled with honest communication, acceptance of your flaws, compassion, and staying loyal.
When you try to rekindle an old flame, open and honest communication is the key.
The need to express your opinion is different from the previous time because now you know how to approach him and how to make him listen.
If you have something important to share, you should be aware that you need to do so in a productive way.
Open communication doesn’t involve only you speaking all the time.
Despite having many things to say, sometimes it is far more important that you listen to your partner.
This article would not be complete without telling you that admitting you are wrong is one of the key components of a successful new beginning.
You can get stuck from being right all the time. And most couples are stuck.
You should not be afraid to admit when you are wrong and you need to listen to your partner’s perceptions and opinions despite everything.
You should be able to understand his viewpoints because that is the man you chose to be with, to love, and to trust.
Remember, fighting is part of a relationship. Disagreements happen and you cannot avoid them.
How to deal with them will be a determining factor if you want your relationship to succeed.
Don’t be afraid and avoid fights just because you don’t feel comfortable with them.
Problems need to be addressed and they need to be resolved one way or another.
If you avoid those problems, sometime in your future they will arise again. So you guys have to talk about what went wrong and why.
6. You feel like things are repeating themselves
As time passes and as you become more comfortable with each other all over again, sometimes you will have this strange feeling like something is not right.
You may find that despite starting anew, certain situations are starting to repeat themselves all over again.
I’m not saying that those situations are always negative, but rather that it seems fairly familiar.
Maybe you find yourself knowing what your partner thinks in certain situations because you experienced them in the past.
Getting back together with an ex can give you such a feeling. It’s not like he is someone whom you just met and began a relationship with.
Nostalgia can sometimes be tricky.
Sometimes you will find yourself stuck in the past, and not be able to enjoy the present moment.
Maybe the best way to get out of this feeling is to try new things, make new memories, and experience new emotions.
You can suggest to your partner that you try a cooking session or learn a new skill together like dancing.
Making new memories will definitely help you avoid being stuck in those dark and gloomy past experiences.
7. You reach the critical point
I know, the stages of getting back together with an ex sometimes seem complicated, but trust me, it will be worth it if you continue to read.
Now that you have dealt with previous problems, you can hope a fresh start will bring you the happiness that you deserve so much. And trust me, it will.
Remember that you cannot continue where you left off. This situation that you are in is new.
You should treat it as a new beginning. You should be prepared to create new memories, to date again and maybe to find another favorite song of yours.
Treat this as a blank canvas that you are ready to draw on. Draw your best sunsets and best moments and don’t worry about the past. Let it go.
You should be eager to discover new things about your ex and discover the world that awaits you two. Don’t rush into things. Don’t hold onto the past.
If your partner suggests that you move in together, feel free to decline his offer if you are not ready for that step.
Don’t have any expectations for where your relationship should be. And for goodness’ sake, don’t listen to what other people have to tell you.
You have a lot more to discover together.
That fear that you had of not succeeding is now over and you can feel ‘normal’ once again in your relationship.
After that, the stress that you had of wanting something more will slowly fade away this time. That’s when you will feel reborn with your partner.
You realize that this will be a whole new relationship.
8. You are ready for a new beginning
The final stage of getting back together with an ex is when your emotional state is stable, you feel free and happy and you are ready to accept the new circumstances.
You might be two different people now and that’s a beautiful thing.
It can be scary sometimes, but you should embrace it and move on. Life isn’t about having expectations but living in the moment.
Don’t assume something bad will happen somewhere down the line.
Have fun getting to know them all over again. To rekindle an old flame takes a lot of work and dedication.
If you have made it this far, believe me, you are dating like every other regular couple. The past should be just that, THE PAST.
How long should you wait before getting back together with your ex?
That’s a great question. The answer is not that simple and it depends on several factors.
Maybe you implemented the ‘radio silence method’ or ‘the no contact rule’.
The time factor can be difficult sometimes because you never know what the other side is feeling at a particular moment.
My advice to you is to do so whenever you feel you are ready.
I don’t believe that there are a set number of days that need to pass by in order for you to call your ex or reach out to him.
You need to be emotionally ready. You need to let your soul and mind heal first and then you can reconsider getting back with your ex.
When you are ready to surprise your ex with how much you have improved and emotionally grown over time, that’s when the time is right.
Your mindset is important. You have to make a positive impact on your ex and vice versa.
Prove to him that you have evolved, matured, and learned from your previous mistakes, even if you were the one to blame for the previous breakup.
Don’t be afraid to reach out first. Trust me, for the two of you to succeed, the key is to be mature and to have honest and healthy communication.