When you’re looking for the signs he’s not ready for a relationship, you can easily get confused by the moments of joy he creates for you. He doesn’t want to commit, obviously, but he also doesn’t make a move to exit your life.
A healthy relationship doesn’t require you to question things like this. But you believe that there’s something more to this whole thing than meets the eye.
A committed relationship is what you want. You don’t want this back and forth game anymore, because you know that you deserve so much better than that.
You deserve someone who’s ready to get into a serious relationship with you, not someone who scrolls through dating apps while he thinks you’re sleeping.
If we know one thing, it’s that men are more prone to commitment issues than women. We tend to commit easier because we see the good in people. We also believe that it’s better to find one person you can vibe with than to have many people in your life without ever creating a real bond with them.
You’ve probably already spent a lot of time trying to figure out the psyche of this man, am I right?
That’s why I’m here to help you out a bit. You shouldn’t have to go through this by yourself, so let’s have a look at possible reasons behind his issues and the signs he’s not ready for a relationship.
Why is he not ready for a relationship?
First, let’s start by looking at the possible reasons for his behavior before we get into the signs he’s not ready for a relationship. There is always a cause behind it all, so don’t automatically assume he’s doing this to hurt you.
Of course, just because you have an explanation for things, doesn’t mean you need to excuse them. You can easily decide if you want to stay after you figure these things out.
You shouldn’t have to teach anyone how to handle their own demons or be the one to hold their hand through it. We’re all responsible for our own healing process.
Of course, if you feel like you can help him out and you have the energy for it, then, by all means, stay by his side. It’s your choice at the end of the day, but you have to know that it’s not an obligation.
1. He’s still not over his ex
Does the man you’re talking to have an ex that he’s been frequently mentioning? Did they break up quite recently?
There’s a huge chance that he’s still not over her and that he simply isn’t ready to move on yet. This is understandable.
You know what happens whenever you get out of a relationship, no matter how long it went on. It seems like your entire world is crashing down on you, which leads to feelings of despair, sadness, and loneliness.
So why would it be any different for a man? Of course, he shouldn’t be dating in the first place if he’s not over his ex, but at the same time, he’s just trying to cope in the only way he knows how.
You can clearly see that this is the case just from the fact that he mentions her a lot, he still follows her on social media, or he’s going as far as physically trying to get back to her again.
This is an extremely scary thought, but you can’t control how much time it takes him to move on from her.
2. He’s had too many painful experiences
It doesn’t matter if he got over them or not, a series of painful experiences can leave a person fearful. If you’re looking for a sign he’s not ready for a relationship, just take a look at the pain in his eyes.
Don’t just dismiss the fact that he’s been either cheated on or betrayed by some past lover, because he dismisses it. He does so because he’s scared of the feelings that may surface.
You need to be the one to take those things seriously.
That’s why it’s so important to always ask about someone’s dating history and what they’ve been through. It can tell you a lot about a person and their love languages, their attachment style, as well as their fears and boundaries.
If you’re with a man who hasn’t had the most pleasant dating experiences, then you won’t really get him to commit that easily.
3. He has other priorities in his life
Is the man you’re seeing really busy with his own life?
When you met the guy, you probably fell head over heels over his work ethic and the fact that he’s so career-driven. You saw just how inspiring he was and felt more motivated when around him.
You want that energy in your life, so you definitely do want to make things more serious between you.
But when you try to get things to the next level, you can see clear signs that he’s not interested in a romantic relationship. He wants something casual, something that doesn’t interfere with his life.
When you have a guy like this, you want him to stay so that you can build an entire empire together. But he doesn’t seem as interested as you are.
The biggest issue here is that he’s the one who’s doing all the choosing. You may want him to stay and try as much you like, but if his career is his biggest priority, then you’re only holding him back.
4. He’s interested in someone else
Well, this right here is a scary thought. When you start seeing the signs he’s not ready for a relationship, your first thought is that you’re the issue in the scenario. You assume you’re not good enough for him and that’s why he may be interested in someone else.
Well, there are many different signs you may look for to see if your partner is actually interested in another woman. He’ll probably hide his phone from you, he’ll frequently go out with her yet try to convince you that they’re just friends.
These situations are definitely not appropriate, even if you’re not officially dating. He’s obviously being disrespectful to you, so you should reconsider your feelings for this man.
He’s clearly ready to commit, just not to you. He should at least be able to honestly talk to you about it.
5. He has low self-esteem
When a guy has low self-esteem, he’ll feel like he doesn’t deserve to have good things happen in his life. This doesn’t mean that he’s a commitment-phobe, just that he genuinely believes you’re too good for him.
He’s petrified that you’ll abandon him the very moment he gets attached to you. He feels like you’re only using him for attention right now and later on you’ll discard him.
This also comes from past trauma. But by talking to him and getting to know him better, you’ll soon get to understand his self-esteem issues.
Of course, you shouldn’t just walk away from a guy like that. He’s probably a kind man, he just believes that he doesn’t deserve anything good in life.
While you’re trying to convince him that a relationship is a good idea, you could also talk to him about his confidence and reassure him that you’re not going anywhere – you’re here to stay.
6. Being single is much more appealing to him
Not everyone is eager to get into a relationship. People actually enjoy being single! He must be one of them.
It’s probably quite painful for you to think about all the reasons he loves to stay single. For example, he can go out with multiple girls. He can hang out carefree with the guys, he doesn’t have to accommodate anyone or stick to any plans and promises.
Those reasons are all valid. He finds more pleasure and happiness in being alone than in a relationship. If he’s communicated this with you, then you’re the one at fault for wanting him to change his mindset because of you.
If he does choose to change his stance on things, then let that be his decision only. Don’t force your beliefs on him because you could end up losing him, even as a friend.
His past relationships have probably taught him to stay single, that’s why he’s showing obvious signs he’s not ready for a relationship. Or he genuinely doesn’t want to be in one, without any issues as the cause. Is that really a bad thing?
7 signs he’s not ready for a relationship
Now that we understand where he comes from, it’s time to see how we can look out for his commitment issues. He’ll likely show them through telltale signs that you will have to catch on to in order to figure out where you stand in this relationship.
You should definitely listen to what he’s saying, even if he’s love-bombing you from time to time. You’ll be able to recognize his true intentions quite easily if you listen closely.
Okay, so let’s get into all the signs he’s not ready for a relationship before you completely lose your mind panicking and stressing about him.
1. You can’t even get him to talk about it
Relationship talk is extremely important, even if you’re both just trying to get to know each other. You should be able to talk about whether or not you see each other as suitable partners and if you’re ready for a committed relationship.
Pay attention to how he acts when you’re trying to start this conversation. It’s always these little things that in real life seem huge. Is he avoiding the topic of commitment and relationships like the plague?
He’ll tell you that you don’t have to talk about that, that you should simply enjoy each other’s presence, and that you shouldn’t have to deal with this subject right now. That’s all fine and well at first, but after a while, you want to make things official between you two. Otherwise, you’re just wasting your time with him.
He may even get angry or defensive at times. He doesn’t want to always be reminded of his reasons for this behavior and it’s probably very triggering.
Of course, you can choose to walk away from him at any time. Being in a committed relationship is very important to you and someone who avoids it is just showing you a bunch of red flags that you don’t have to deal with.
2. When you do talk about it, he tries to manipulate you
Usually, a guy doesn’t actually want to lose you. He would much rather have you around than lose you. He just doesn’t understand the need for a label or a ring on your finger.
He may simply believe that an exclusive relationship is a waste of time. Or that he’s too young to settle down just yet.
So, when you do try to talk to him about it, you can see that he does care about you. He tries to compromise you as much as possible to keep you around, but still gets his way.
He manipulates you into believing that your thinking is wrong and that you should think just the way he does. You’ll even fall for his sweet-talk more times than you’re able to count.
Has he ever twisted your words to fit his narrative? Has he ever ignored your emotions completely, just to make sure that he gets his way?
If that’s the case, then he’s probably manipulated you into agreeing to his idea of things.
3. He’s talking to other women
One of the most obvious signs that he’s not ready for a new relationship is when he’s talking to other women while he’s seeing you.
This man doesn’t believe that he should stop flirting just because he has you by his side. That’s a huge red flag just screaming that he’s not ready for anything serious.
Oh, and how do you know that he’s talking to other women?
There’s nothing easier to find out. Men aren’t that careful about these things. You can probably sense it.
I know that it sounds like hogwash, but you know just as well as I do that women have a sixth sense that helps them in these situations. You can sense that something’s wrong and you simply can’t trust him anymore.
It may be more obvious – you notice that he’s messaging other girls. He’s using dating apps even though you’re seeing each other or he’s simply hiding his phone from you completely. And even if you think he won’t do it in front of you, you’ll still catch him flirting with another girl.
This man is only into playing games. He wants to have you, but also see other women. Insolent, isn’t he? When he tells you all those beautiful things about how you’re the perfect match for him, you truly start to believe that he wants you just as much as you want him. However, he clearly has other plans.
4. He’s never really there for you
He comes knocking to have a good time. But if you could use a little help with something or need him to simply be there for you, he’ll avoid you at any cost.
When you need advice or a shoulder to cry one, he’ll only make you feel worse about it. Even if he doesn’t say something to insult you or to bring you down, he’ll simply ignore your problem. Sometimes, he won’t even show up to talk to you if he doesn’t feel like it.
This man genuinely doesn’t care about your needs. And you know why? He doesn’t want a relationship with you.
If he did want to be with you, if he had feelings for you that could be translated into something serious, then he wouldn’t just dismiss your feelings like that. He’d be there for you to help you go through whatever you need to.
If you need help with moving your furniture around, he’d be the first one on the scene to show you just how reliable he is. If he shows up when you need him, then take it as a good sign that he wants you and wants to impress you.
But he’s definitely not ready for a relationship when he only wants to see you when he feels like having fun with you.
5. He doesn’t open up to you
Granted, it’s usually hard for a man to be vulnerable. He doesn’t know how to do that without looking weak, because he believes that a man should always be the stronger party in the relationship.
You and I both know that it’s a stupid stereotype, but most men respect it religiously.
Nonetheless, when it comes to a man who’s ready for a relationship and has found the woman he wants to try one with, he’ll move past this issue and open up to her. Even if it’s just a little bit at a time.
That’s why I have to ask: How long have you been seeing each other? If it’s been a while and you still don’t know basic things about him, then there’s no point in waiting for him to commit to you. He’s obviously avoiding letting you get to know him, as well as any type of vulnerability.
He’ll tell you more often than not that he simply doesn’t see why you’re so interested in his life. He’ll tell you that he shouldn’t have to know these things.
But if you’re going to spend so much time with him, then you have a right to ask. And if he chooses not to respond, then it’s on you to decide what you’ll do next.
Just know that this is one of the classic signs he’s not ready for a relationship.
6. He disappears and then comes back like nothing ever happened
It doesn’t matter if he chooses to ghost you or to completely disappear from your life, he just does it. Then, when the dust settles and you almost forget about him, he’s back in your messages, trying to get you to go out with him.
Even if you try to confront him about his behavior, he still finds a way to put your mind at ease and worm his way back into your bed.
This guy always manages to find an excuse for being away for so long. And he rarely feels any need to apologize.
But the question you have to ask yourself is this: Why would he even disappear like this if he truly wanted to be with you?
He’s not ready for a relationship when he can’t even communicate with you for longer periods of time. He probably gets scared when you’ve been seeing each other for a while.
So he just runs off, thinking that he has the right to do that. That’s exactly why he feels free to text you whenever he gets lonely and misses you.
Who knows what he’s doing in his absence? A hundred bucks says it’s nothing innocent.
7. He always makes small promises, but never big plans
When a guy makes plans for the future with you, you can be sure he’s ready for a relationship. You don’t have to question him, because he’s proving he wants you as a part of his life.
So when you don’t have that from the guy you’re seeing, you’re just wasting your time on someone who will deliver lip service just to keep you by his side. He doesn’t want to lose you, so he’ll make small promises to shut you up.
Whenever he feels like you may get angry at him or leave him, he finds another way to keep you interested.
He’ll promise you that you’ll meet his family members or his friends from high school when the time is right.
Your love life is like a game to him and he’s just playing his cards right. To me, this all seems like just another bad Netflix show.