Should I call my ex? Admit that this question crossed your mind before you’ve decided to look up some advice online. You know that all your gal-pals will tell you that you shouldn’t do it, but you hope that there is some stranger who’ll support this foolish idea.
Sorry to disappoint you, but I’ll be on your friends’ side this time. I know how much you miss him. I’m also well aware that you’ve shared a lot with each other. He was your safe harbor when you needed it. None of those girls know how you cried for hours in front of him because you had a fight with your parents.
Perhaps, neither of your besties knows the real you, the one you revealed only to him because it felt safe to feel vulnerable. I get it, believe me. But calling your ex is not a good idea.
Imagine if your girls decide to take your phone away simply because they want you to feel better, what would happen? You’d be mad at them, wouldn’t you? I know that you don’t want to lose those people closest to you, especially since their company means so much in these difficult moments.
So, help them help you. They will do anything in their power to see you smiling again, acknowledge that and thank them. If you feel like you still need more reasons (because I assume they gave you some already) to call or not to call your ex, keep reading.
In this article, we’ll go through both yes and no answers to the question “Should I call my ex?” and explain the reasons behind them.
Should I call my ex?
The answer is a big fat no in the majority of cases and I won’t change my mind. However, there are a couple of situations where you can do that, but don’t use them in a mischievous manner. You don’t want to call your ex for the wrong reasons.
Deciding to call him, or even text him may cause a lot of pain on both sides, so if you’re not completely sure that reaching out to him won’t be harmful, you can do it.
So, what are the situations in which you’re allowed to dial his number or send him a text? Time to find out.
1. You work together
If your ex works at the same place as you and you share some responsibilities at work, it’s okay if you call him. You’re not going to talk about your relationship, rather you have a business to discuss.
However, make sure that you keep the conversation going in the right direction and prevent any kind of relationship-related talk. You’re done with that chapter and there’s no good enough reason that you should go back.
2. Some of your things are still at his place
I guess this one doesn’t need any particular explanation. If you want to get your things and they are still at his place, you should call your ex. Take some time after the breakup though, until you’re not as emotional as you were initially. You’ll make this experience less weird and less painful.
You can also ask some of your friends to do this, so you won’t have to contact him at all. In case you think that it would be devastating for you and it wouldn’t be helpful in your healing process, then this is the perfect way to deal with this obstacle.
3. You called it quits for the wrong reasons
After you’ve spent enough time thinking about why you called it quits, you’ve realized that it was for the wrong reasons. Maybe you were both stubborn and couldn’t see past what you were saying, but it turned out you wanted the same. Or, the timing was simply not on your side and you went separate ways.
It could also happen that you’ve decided not to experiment long-distance because it may be a struggle, but now you’ve found yourself thinking about them constantly and wishing to work things out. These are some of the valid reasons to consider if you want to reconnect with him.
However, before you call your ex (in this particular case), make sure that he’s on the same page as you and that he didn’t move on with his life.
4. You have a kid together
“Should I call my ex since we have a child together? That makes sense, right?”
Well, this one is pretty obvious. It’s natural that you’ll call the father of your children whenever you need help raising them. If you’re in a hurry and you won’t be able to pick them up from school, it’s completely fine to call your ex to jump in.
One important thing about this exceptional case is that you should keep your conversation kid-oriented only. Don’t hurt yourself more by mentioning some of your personal things. This may send mixed signals to your ex and he may conclude that you want to reconcile the relationship.
5. You moved on completely
This is also one of the reasons why you should call your ex. If you’re not thinking about him anymore, you’re not waiting for his text and wishing that he was next to you, then you can go through the call without consequences.
You can call your ex if it’s an important day for him to congratulate his success or to simply wish him a happy birthday. Also, you can call to check up on his family members if you’ve heard that someone is not feeling well lately.
Pay attention that you do this only if you are certain that you won’t be overthinking his words or his reaction. When you’ve healed properly, all the reasons for calling your ex will be completely rational and you won’t include your emotions in them.
9 reasons why you shouldn’t call your ex
If you want to prevent feelings of sadness and sorrow to overflow you, you have to stop yourself from calling your ex, simple as that. Decide that you won’t pick up that phone and work from there. If you’re still trying to find an excuse to call him, here are some reasons why you shouldn’t call your ex.
Note: Read them out loud, maybe it will have a better effect when you’re “advising” yourself.
1. It’s a moment of weakness and you’ll regret it
Let’s be real, you’re feeling weak and you simply need to hear his voice. It’s normal that you miss him, I’m not going to deny that. I mean, your emotions took the best of you. Perhaps, you won’t be able to move on for quite some time after the breakup, but that’s not an excuse to call him.
Ask yourself these two questions and then make a choice. Will you regret calling your ex? Are you going to feel bad in the long run? I can bet that the answer is yes to both of them. So, choose not to call him. I mean, he has your number, he knows where to find you, right?
Stop believing that you have to be the first one to make a move. Let him try a bit harder if he wants you in his life and not the other way around. You shouldn’t be the one contacting him first, especially because we both know that you’ll regret it.
The ball is in your court now, but if you think you’re still on his mind, you may be wrong.
2. You can’t change him
Time to face the facts – you can’t change him. No matter how hard you tried during your relationship, his bad habits still stayed there. In the beginning, those weren’t bothering you, because you were looking through rose-colored glasses.
Yes, I’ve heard the saying that people can change, but let’s be real here. How much can you change in fact? Do you think that at least a couple of your qualities and habits aren’t annoying someone, even those that you emphasize as your best traits?
Don’t bet your life on it, because I’m sure that your perfectionism drives some people crazy and your punctuality is a curse to those who are always late. Yet, it’s who you are and you hardly can change that.
3. You broke up for a reason
Why did you break up? Was it a mutual breakup, one of you cheated or did you simply stop nurturing what you had? Whatever it is, you broke up for a reason. Keep that in mind next time you’ll want to call your ex and decide not to do so.
Not every relationship is a perfect one and destined to last forever, but don’t lose hope just yet. Take some time and analyze everything that happened between the two of you. It may not be easy to start, but with time, words and memories will come effortlessly.
Trust me, there is no point in trying to relive something that already ended. You’ll use your energy on things that truly don’t matter and then you won’t have the strength for new, better opportunities. Are you willing to compromise your future for someone who betrayed you? I thought so.
4. Being friends with your ex is mission impossible
“Should I call my ex since I’d really like to stay friends with him? I somehow feel there’s nothing wrong with that.”
This is not the real Mission impossible (you know the one with Tom Cruise) and you won’t discover a shocking truth. Being friends with your ex is really hard and most of the time truly not possible. Are you wondering why?
Some people maintain a good friendship with their exes, that’s inevitable, but why are you so sure that you can be one of them? If being around your ex only brings you discomfort, you shouldn’t even try to maintain that friendship, nor call him.
No matter how important he is in your life, you have to be your own priority. So, if being in your ex’s presence is only making you feel uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to avoid it. Just because someone else does the whole friendship thing, it doesn’t mean that you have to.
5. You don’t always need closure
You have to be at peace with this one – you don’t always need closure. When I broke up with my ex, I didn’t know what exactly was the reason and I was seeking closure. I was devastated, tried to talk with him plenty of times, just so I could get nothing in return.
I wasn’t capable of moving on and I wounded myself more while I was tightly holding onto my past. Do you want that too? I wouldn’t recommend it. It’s terrifying how much pain we can cause ourselves, so please don’t do it.
You have to simply accept that figuring out why he left or cheated, is not going to make you feel better. It’s not going to help you heal, rather it may cause more harm. So, next time when you feel the urge to find that closure, don’t call your ex. Find it within you.
6. Loneliness is temporary
Undoubtedly, you’re feeling lonely. You used to spend a lot of your free time with someone you thought was the love of your life and now you seem a little bit lost. Loneliness is temporary and in order to escape it, you have to entertain yourself, not call your ex.
He has to realize what he lost and he has to start pursuing you again if he wants to repair what’s been broken. You have to have confidence and think highly of yourself. Stop creating an illusion that you’ll be the one chasing all the time.
Instead, start doing yoga, go hiking, and spend more time with your friends. Hang out in a local pub, go to parties and life may surprise you. Because in the end, we never know what’s destined for us, nor do we know what’s waiting behind the corner.
7. Drunk-calling is never a good idea
Were you out with friends and you drank a shot more than you should? You took your phone to call him, but something stopped you. Good job girl! Drunk-calling your ex is never a good idea. I’m happy that you were strong enough at that moment and decided not to dial his number.
The temptation was really strong, but you found a way to resist it. It’s never an easy task, but you need to delete him from your social media and his number from your phone (if you didn’t do it yet). This is going to make it a little bit easier for you since you won’t be able to find a way to contact him.
Your feelings are probably a mess right now and that’s why you feel that sudden urge to contact him from time to time. Healing takes time and you have to be aware of that. Don’t rush it, take one step at a time and let yourself feel all the emotions. It’s going to be okay.
8. You may end up in a vicious circle
Once you call him and start talking with him, you may end up in a vicious circle – again. Even though you don’t want to admit it, and you may never actually say it out loud, he’ll know that you’re the one who cares more. And he may use it against you.
Simply because you’ve decided to make that call or send that text message, he’ll conclude that he can have you whenever he wants. And that’s when your problems start, all over again. I’m sure you don’t want to be stuck in a toxic relationship, so opt not to contact him.
It may be hard in certain moments to control yourself not to press that send button or dial his number (that you probably know by heart), but you can do it. Choosing not to call him means you’re doing yourself a favor. You’re saving yourself for someone who’ll be worth everything you’ve got.
9. He moved on
Last but not least, if you’ve asked yourself should you call your ex after you’ve heard he moved on, don’t. This is never a good option, because you may hurt him and yourself more. If the guy moved on, wish him good luck and please, don’t look back.
Calling him may recall some magical memories you two shared and it may confuse him. Be respectful towards his new girl and their relationship, because surely, you wouldn’t enjoy the situation if it was vice versa.
You may still love him, but you have to move on. I understand that this is not an easy task, but I know that you can do it. So, chin up, smile, and conquer the world girl!