The special breed of people out there who make us miserable day in and day out are definitely selfish humans.
You might not believe me when I tell you this, but selfish people usually don’t know that they’re being selfish.
Sometimes, a person’s selfishness comes after some very hard times have occurred in their life. For example, if they’ve been through a lot and they learned that being selfless only brings them pain and suffering.
However, most of the time, selfish people have been taught throughout their childhood about certain values that have brought them to where they are today.
They grow up into people who think that they’re nice and considerate but they don’t see the misery of the people they walk all over to get to where they want to be.
This doesn’t just include their work, but also relationships.
They mess them up, whether romantic or platonic, without even realizing that they’re truly at fault.
This also makes it hard for them to improve themselves.
Someone has to confront them outright about their selfishness in order to make them aware of their mistakes.
It’s easier said than done, especially when they’re so self-centered that they believe nothing can ever be their fault.
Of course, selfishness doesn’t always have to be related to narcissistic behavior, but in most cases it is.
It’s very obvious that narcissists and selfish people are connected once you realize that selfish people are also extremely manipulative.
You can’t always see their true colors, especially because they’re so good at hiding them.
The warning signs are always so subtle and their traits are extremely hard to notice. They’re born people-pleasers who don’t know better and manipulation comes naturally to them.
Are you surrounded by selfish people?
If you really think so then you should keep an eye out for all the things that will be mentioned in this particular article.
After making sure you’ve learned about all the ways you can spot a selfish person, you should then be able to avoid them.
1. They’re neglectful of your needs
Selfish people aren’t usually even able to realize when they’re being neglectful of the wants and needs of the people around them.
However, depending on the person, they might be aware of their influence and knowingly manipulate people with it.
Selfish people won’t listen to what you have to say, but are rather blinded by their own needs.
That’s exactly why you’ll hear sentences like: “If you really loved me, you’d do it for me,” or, “You can’t say no to me, do you know how much that hurts me?”
Words like these make you believe that you’re the one at fault and they make you feel guilty even though you’re not the bad guy.
2. They never show their vulnerable side
Showing their true vulnerable side would bring a selfish person to a place where they’re not in control.
Selfish people usually need a lot of control in their life, so even when you think that they’re genuinely vulnerable, they’re probably just pretending.
They need something from you and if showing a few tears is the way to do that, they’ll cry.
A selfish person will use any means possible to get to their end goal, even if it hurts you.
Selfish people won’t let anyone too close.
No one knows them or what they’re scheming and because of that, you always have to be on the lookout for their manipulation tactics.
Is your partner selfish? Does he only cry when you accuse him of something you know he’s responsible for?
He probably gets like that whenever you try to confront him. Either he’s defensive or he becomes a sobbing mess.
That’s not vulnerability, that’s manipulation.
3. Selfish people look out for their own interests
Have you ever heard someone say: “Okay and what’s in it for me?”
Words like these don’t slip through the lips of someone who isn’t selfish. People want to help one another, because we’re social creatures.
However, when you’re in the presence of someone who’s selfish, they will always look out for their own interests above anyone else’s.
When someone of their interest needs help, they’ll jump at the opportunity to prove themselves.
But when it’s someone who isn’t, they don’t feel the need to do anything.
In order for a selfish person to be interested in helping someone, there needs to be some type of reward for them too.
4. They can’t accept constructive criticism
Have you ever tried to give someone feedback on their work or their behavior and all they did was get annoyed at you?
Selfish people tend to be extremely enraged by the thought of getting any type of criticism.
In their own mind, they’re absolutely perfect, and even if they do see their flaws, they won’t admit them aloud.
They will work on themselves silently, but will never accept someone else’s help.
A selfish person or a narcissist can’t handle being criticized, to the point where they will lose their cool.
They can’t keep themselves poised or calm when they’re being criticized.
The only thing they hear is an attempt to devalue their work.
A selfish person will see your words as an insult and not as a means for them to become better at what they do.
Your words can only turn into white noise once they start to defend themselves.
It’s so hard for them to realize that they’re at fault that the only thing they can do is start insulting you.
5. They don’t take your boundaries seriously
The best way to spot a selfish person is to see how they react when you set certain boundaries.
For example, how do they react when you tell them they can’t touch you?
Selfish people won’t even give you a second thought, they’ll just ignore your boundaries.
When you tell them they can’t touch you, they’ll do whatever they can to do exactly that.
Another example is when you say that you don’t feel like going out and they make you feel guilty about it.
They don’t understand that you need time to recharge.
Many people have their own issues and yet they still always make time for their friends but that doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to help someone if you’re not feeling good yourself.
A selfish person won’t care. They want your attention, they demand it then and there, and they think that they’re entitled to it.
6. Selfish people are never there for you
As stated before, you’re not obligated to return every single call from your friends if you know that you’re not doing well yourself.
That doesn’t make you selfish.
What does make a person selfish is if they are never there for you even if you know that they don’t have anything better to do.
A selfish person makes a long list of excuses for their lack of interest in your problems.
This is especially an issue if they tell you that they’ll be there for you whenever you need them but they never show up.
That doesn’t stop them from asking for your help for every small thing that crosses their mind, though.
Selfish people will ask for your assistance with things without ever giving anything in return.
Someone who genuinely cares about you would never leave you hanging like this, especially not if you’re there for them as well.
Every healthy relationship is always built from the knowledge that you will receive just as much as you give. Selfish people don’t understand that.
7. They will scheme against you
“Wow, you look so happy with him. It would be a pity if something happened to your relationship.”
You probably thought that you’d only hear this on television, but those movies and shows had to be inspired by something.
Selfish people will actually go out of their way to scheme against you.
For example, a selfish woman you know will be all over your guy until he finally cheats on you, and she does this just to hurt you.
A narcissist won’t back down from a challenge, so if they have to steal your papers right before a huge presentation, you’ll know who you’re dealing with.
Someone who’s selfless would only want the best for you. They would never want to make you miserable like this.
A selfish person doesn’t care about that. Why would they?
Your happiness makes them miserable so they want to ruin every little bit of it.
That’s also why you’ll know about their little schemes from their remarks and threats.
8. Sharing is difficult for them
You might think of a person as selfish but you immediately dismiss this thought because you always remember all those things they have lent you.
However, they always wanted something in return. Selfish people need something in exchange for their kindness.
For example, if you ask them to help you prepare a presentation for work, they will definitely ask you to add their name to it.
If they lend you a shirt, they’ll ask for it back before you’ve even worn it.
Their favors can be exchanged for the same kinds of things or for something else. So if they lend you money, they might want money back.
However, selfish people will ask you for things like information or anything really in return. You’ll always be able to spot this type of behavior.
9. Selfish people don’t surround themselves with people who aren’t like-minded
If you think differently from a selfish person in your life, they won’t spend their time on you.
You’ll always be able to spot them because they’re always surrounded by people who don’t talk back to them.
The people they surround themselves with don’t dare to voice their opinions. All they do is agree with the selfish person.
Whenever someone doesn’t share their thoughts and opinions, they usually think of it as a personal insult.
Of course, they think that they’re better than anyone else, so thinking differently only makes them look down on you.
This is also obvious when they ask for all of your attention. They won’t give you the time of day, but they demand to have all of yours.
Things like these are extremely obvious when you’re dealing with selfish people.
10. They gossip
Selfish people aren’t as brave and confident as they might seem and because of that, they tend to gossip about others.
They need to be sure that they have enough input about a person or a situation before they attack someone.
They will rat you out for something before you’re even able to realize what’s happening.
A selfish person will win their way into the hearts of authority figures by being disloyal to their own co-workers.
They don’t care about who’ll get hurt in the process of them getting what they want.
11. They’ve never heard of humility
This is an over-exaggeration in itself, as they’ve probably heard of humility but they never thought of it as important.
Selfish people love to flaunt their achievements to everyone and they always make themselves seem better than they actually are.
This happens because of their huge ego. They need to stand out somehow and that’s exactly why they exaggerate their achievements.
When they get a promotion at work, they’ll make everyone else feel miserable for not getting it.
They’ll probably say something like: “I knew this was coming with how much I have contributed to this company.”
It’s probably nothing meaningful, but they’re convinced that they’re an asset to everyone’s lives.
12. Selfish people are scared of failure
Narcissists can’t bring themselves to accept failure.
It makes them look bad and it makes them lose something, whether it’s their reputation, social status, or something materialistic.
Those things are extremely important to selfish people and this is closely related to the fact that they can’t endure criticism.
They won’t think twice about criticizing someone else or laughing at someone’s failure, however.
More often than not, they’ll end up telling you something along the lines of: “You should have known better. If that was me, I would’ve known what to do.”
They will stare daggers at anyone who laughs at something they did. If they fail and you point it out, it’s like you’ve put yourself on their revenge list.
They will find a way to get better at it out of spite more than anything else.
13. They don’t like teamwork
Asking someone selfish to share the spotlight with other people is just asking for them to have a tantrum.
If they somehow agree to teamwork, they will ask to lead the entire project and be put in the limelight.
At the end of the day, if they can’t work alone or lead a project, they’ll somehow sabotage it.
For example, they will withhold important information from you that could be vital for the success of your project, simply because they are too selfish to realize how bad their behavior actually is.
Selfish people aren’t even aware of how poorly this influences other people, because they’re too centered on themselves to realize.
How to deal with selfish people
There’s always a way to deal with people, even when they’re extremely selfish or narcissistic.
Now that you’ve gathered all the information about how to spot a selfish person, it’s time to figure out how to save yourself.
You’ll be better off if you have a game plan when you’re dealing with these people.
They need to be put in their place and they have to be aware that they can’t play with you anymore.
Their negative energy affects you too. So let’s figure out how to deal with selfish people.
1. Set clear boundaries
Setting boundaries is needed in every type of relationship, but especially when you’re dealing with someone who has no regard for your emotions.
My advice is to make a list of boundaries that can’t be crossed by anyone.
As an example, if you really don’t like people to touch you, especially if you don’t know them well, make sure to add that to your list.
When this selfish person comes up to you, demanding you let go of your boundaries, you can stand strong and voice your opinion.
Don’t let anyone bully you into believing that you don’t deserve to have your boundaries.
If you need a night off and they demand your attention, let them know that you’re busy taking care of yourself.
That should be explanation enough. End the phone call, don’t reply to their texts, and if it’s an emergency, you’ll know.
Just because they’re dramatic doesn’t mean that they really need you.
2. Realize that their selfishness means you’ll never be a priority
People don’t change that easily, especially not if we’re talking about selfish people or narcissists who can’t take no for an answer.
If you still want them in your life (for whatever reason), stop hoping that things will change one day.
They won’t, you’re just breaking your own heart.
You need to be completely aware of the fact that you’ll never be a priority to them. You’re merely a liability to them.
I’m sorry to be so blunt, but it’s the truth. They need you for an end goal that might forever be a secret to you.
Once you understand this, it’ll give you a clear overview of your relationship and its future.
If this person is your partner or friend, you have to keep them at arm’s length.
If it’s a partner, walk away from them before they drain you completely.
However, with family members, you can still talk from time to time without getting them involved in your life too much.
3. Selfish people need to be starved of attention
How will selfish people know that you’ve had enough of their torment? Easy – don’t pay attention to them.
When you indulge their need for attention, they will always come back to you and continue to drain you.
Otherwise, these people will find someone else to torment with their self-absorbed agenda.
You will achieve a level where they feel starved of attention by being completely cold to them.
Ghost them when they write to you, for starters. Secondly, when you’re talking to them, give them short, non-committal answers.
For example, if someone broke your selfish friend’s heart, what are you going to do?
Instead of telling her: “I’m so sorry, you poor thing. You deserve so much better,” reply with, “Yeah, I guess that’s life.”
She will be extremely confused by your behavior. To add another little dig, scroll through your phone when she’s talking to you.
4. Actively seek better friends
A selfish friend isn’t your true friend but don’t just wait for someone else to make an appearance in your life.
Rather than that, go out there and actively search for better friends.
The less time you spend with selfish people, the better you’ll feel. The only way to actually achieve that is if you actually have much better friends.
Reconnect with some old friends or go out with some co-workers until you have a stable friend group.
You’ll see how possessive and jealous your selfish friend will get because of your lack of interest in their life.
Don’t be surprised if they show up uninvited to your gatherings, simply because they feel entitled to.
You shouldn’t even pay attention to them and just enjoy yourself with your new friends.
If a selfish person had any type of respect for you, they would respect your decisions.
5. Stay true to yourself
It’s difficult to be kind and nice to people around you when you’re constantly surrounded by selfish people.
They push your buttons and you wonder how long it’ll take you to lose your cool.
Sometimes, they make you want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
Don’t let them get the best of you. You know who you are and you need to stay true to yourself.
I know that it can be hard considering that we’re easily influenced by the people around us. However, you are so much better than them.
You are an amazing human being and you need to start taking care of yourself instead of wanting to please others.
Don’t be a people-pleaser even when it tears you apart on the inside. No.
Be kind and generous like you always have been, and don’t let them change your beautiful soul.
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