Everyone would agree that the end of a marriage is something very difficult. It’s tough to end something you put so much time and effort into…
But it’s actually as difficult as the two of you make it. Depending on the two people who are separating, it can be easier or harder….
Still, it’s definitely not easy to explain the consequences and the damage it causes to those who haven’t experienced it. Ending a marriage is like a battle that makes you feel a range of emotions while putting down your weapons.
It’s like an end of a huge chapter of your life, but, at the same, it’s the beginning of a new one. Things sometimes simply don’t work out, as much as you wanted them to.
Marriage is not really that different than any other romantic relationship. Two people fall in love and believe it will last forever, but sometimes it just doesn’t.
Things happen for a reason and when two people aren’t meant to stay together forever, they don’t. Why?
You’ll have to keep going and move on to find out. It’s harder than it sounds, I know, but there’s no other way.
When things fall apart, they make room for better things. While you’re standing in the ruins, though, you experience strong emotions.
Let’s see what the ashes of a failed marriage are truly made of.
1. Failure
The word “failure” is probably torturing you after the divorce.
When you said “I do,” you really believed that you were standing beside your forever person.
Who could have known that you’d one day have to take off the ring you thought you’d wear for the rest of your life?
It’s not your fault, it’s not anyone’s fault.
You might feel like you’ve failed, but you did everything you could. And no, nothing would have changed if you tried harder.
2. Regret
What if… If only…
Please stop! It doesn’t matter what either of you did or said, or didn’t do and didn’t say.
It’s over, and it simply had to be. Things couldn’t have gone differently, because they would’ve if they could’ve.
Your marriage unfortunately wasn’t meant to last, no matter what either of you did.
The fact that you got married proves that you wanted your relationship to last.
It didn’t, and it’s not your fault, it simply couldn’t have worked out.
No matter how much it hurts, it’s for the best that you found that out sooner rather than later.
3. Guilt
With feelings of regret and failure, inevitably comes the feeling of guilt. Please, let me say it again – it’s not your fault that your marriage ended.
Regardless of which one of you decided to end things, it had to happen.
It was the right decision because if it hadn’t have happened now, it sure would have eventually.
It’s hard when there are children involved, and even just family members or mutual friends.
I understand that, but they’re not the one’s living your life, you are.
Their questions that you can’t answer make you feel guilty, but please don’t.
Eventually, the dust will settle and everyone will get used to the new chapter of your life.
Don’t ever forget that it’s your life.
Who knows, maybe you’ll even see signs of cheating husband guilt and realize that you’re not the only one feeling guilty.
4. Fear
The end of a marriage comes with the dissolution of intimacy and that can be scary, especially if the marriage lasted a long time.
It wasn’t all bad and there were some beautiful memories and great times you shared together.
From when we’re just kids, we idealize marriage.
We think that we need to marry our forever person, our best friend, and stay with them for as long as we live.
When we realize that things don’t always go according to plan, it’s understandable that we get petrified.
Sometimes there were even signs you’re were in a toxic marriage without even noticing at the time.
It’s scary when you realize that reality is a lot different than what you imagined it to be.
5. Pain
Emotional and mental pain can be so serious that it actually turns into physical pain.
You could experience panic, anxiety, and depression, and even feel your body aching.
Yes, divorce really hurts and it really is painful in every sense of the word. Afterward, you just hope never to experience anything like it again.
That feeling of pain might make you want to build walls around your heart.
You might avoid getting into a new relationship again and not even think about remarrying.
At least for a while, you just want to feel guarded.
What’s even worse, you might enter a relationship while remaining guarded and not let in someone who genuinely cares about you.
There are rules for a happy marriage, and just because you had one that failed doesn’t mean you can’t have a happy one.
You just have to be brave enough to love again, no matter how hard it seems.
How do you rise from the ashes of a failed marriage?
It may sound silly, but you have to focus on yourself. You have to learn from your experience and examine what you can improve about yourself.
Most importantly, you can’t let your experience influence other relationships you’ll have in the future.
You need to understand that you can and will love again. There is nothing wrong with that, and don’t ever let anyone convince you otherwise.
You loved someone you weren’t meant to end up with. There’s someone else you are supposed to be with for the rest of your life.
I know how silly it may sound, but it’s true.
Let go of the feelings of failure, regret, guilt, fear, and pain.
Your marriage ended, so what? Say it to yourself like that.
People get divorced every day and they find love again. You will too!
Don’t let this experience define you. You are not a divorcee, you are a beautiful person who deserves to be loved forever.
Yes, you are covered in ashes of a failed marriage now, but you know what?
You can shake it off your shoulders and proudly keep walking as clean as a whistle.
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