Have you started a new relationship recently, or can you still not get used to having a boyfriend even though you’ve been dating for some time? Do you have relationship anxiety or are these some warning signs that the two of you may not be compatible?
Both of these situations may make you ask the same or similar questions. Those only confuse you and you’d like to solve the dilemma: Is he the one, or should you run away?
Some red flags in a toxic relationship are easy to spot, but what if it’s just you overthinking things? Should you speak up for yourself and find someone who’ll appreciate you, or are you just being super anxious about relationships overall?
There are plenty of reasons you may feel anxiety in your relationship, starting from your childhood traumas and ending with your ex. All of the experiences that built you may be why you’re questioning your current boyfriend.
I’m here to help you to find out the answer to the critically important question: Do I have relationship anxiety or are we simply not compatible?
Through this article, I’ll answer a couple of questions that may cross your mind in both situations and you’ll be able to finally figure out what to do. Good luck!
1. Does he care about me?
This often crosses your mind, right? Some of the reasons that may make you even consider this include him spending a lot of time with his friends, or you two having different levels of empathy.
If he’s not able to see when you’re hurting and you feel like he’s constantly neglecting your feelings, I think you already know the answer deep inside. Does he keep choosing his friends over you, and you kind of don’t feel appreciated anymore? If so, hit the road, babe.
These are clear signs that he doesn’t care as much as he says and you two are not compatible. This can be worked through if both of you agree to do so.
However, if you’re making assumptions on your own, questioning if he truly likes you and cares about you, this may be relationship anxiety. Especially if he didn’t do anything that could cause suspicion.
Try not to end up being that clingy girlfriend every guy runs from. If he’s being gentle and considerate about you and your feelings, there’s nothing to worry about. You can also talk with him about your insecurities if you think that may help.
Work on your self-esteem and walk with your head high. Of course, he cares – he chose you.
2. Are we on the same wavelength?
If your plans for the future don’t align and if you feel like he’s not ready to take this relationship one step further and make it serious, you’re not compatible. He may constantly avoid get-togethers with your friends and family, and he’s never mentioned bringing you to one of his family and friends’ gatherings.
You have different schedules and it seems like he never has time for you or vice versa. You could also have different me-time requirements or senses of humor, and it simply doesn’t feel right for you. I mean, if you can’t laugh with him when you get grey and old, what the heck will you do?
On the other hand, it’s simply relationship anxiety if you can’t shake off the feeling that he wants to break up with you, even if he says differently. This can cause you to skip important relationship milestones for the fear of losing him.
You’re afraid to be intimate, to tell him how you feel deep inside, and you just can’t say “I love you” because you think it’s too soon. Relax a bit, he’s there and he has no plans on leaving unless you push him away with constant questions about his feelings and your future.
3. Will all this bickering ruin our relationship?
A little argument will never hurt a relationship, it can only strengthen it. Unless you give each other a very low blow every time some problem arises. If your primary goal is hurting the other and not solving the problem, sorry to disappoint you, but you’re not compatible.
Constant picking on his flaws and refusing to apologize if you did or said something wrong are not signs of a healthy relationship. To make it work, you’ll need a lot of patience and you’ll have to dedicate a lot of time to getting to know each other better.
On the other hand, anticipating something bad to happen and picking fights where there’s no apparent reason to do so, may be signs of relationship anxiety. You may think everything is too good to be true, so you start hunting for reasons to break up.
You could unconsciously be trying to sabotage your relationship because of your previous bad experiences. If you’re feeling insecure, talk with him and solve the issues you’re facing. But, don’t persist in ruining what you have – because you’ll only succeed in pushing him away, that I guarantee you.
4. Is something off with our communication?
Is it possible that you’re not speaking the same love language or that your communication between the two of you fails every single time? Do you have a tendency to overreact or have you often found yourselves not having anything to say to each other?
If your daily routine is equal to the one you’re supposed to have when you turn grey and old (even some 90-year-old couples have more lively relationships!) you guys are simply not compatible. There’s no reason to force something that clearly can’t grow.
That said, people who have relationship anxiety are mostly unable to open up to their partners completely. So, if he’s trying hard to get you talking but you’re the one not cooperating, it could be this.
Try a bit harder to communicate with him and stop drawing your own conclusions. You also have to vocalize how you’re feeling and clearly express your opinion without fear. Conflicts are bound to happen, so don’t be afraid of them.
5. Are we a good match?
It’s completely normal that you ask yourself this question from time to time, but don’t let it ruin good moments that you share with your partner. If you listen to yourself carefuly, you’ll know the difference between relationship anxiety and incompatibility.
You’ll sure as heck know when your gut feeling is telling you something’s wrong and that you should run as fast as possible. Also, some of the thoughts may feel a bit irrational, but accept them.
Talk honestly with your partner about your experiences and feelings. If he’s the right one, he’ll understand you and he’s going to stay, no matter what.