If you ask me, reconnecting with your ex while married is wrong on so many levels. Why would you compromise something wonderful you worked for, just to feel the temporary rush of an old love? Your heart is not the only one that will be broken after you do this.
When you said “yes” to your husband, you promised to take care of him. You made a promise in front of God and people that you’ll be the best wife. More importantly, you swore to love him while looking into his beautiful eyes. Would you lie to him?
Is a person who once broke your heart into a million pieces worth risking everything for? I think not. Especially, since you have a wonderful person by your side now and you’re about to build a little family together and write beautiful stories.
Do you really want to revisit your past? What’s so alluring over there? Stop looking over your shoulder and don’t go back there. You moved on already. There’s no valid reason to compromise your happiness for someone who doesn’t respect you or your boundaries.
Are you wondering what can go wrong? Let me tell you a couple of things, because you and I both know, talking with your ex is everything but just talking.
1. You’ll give false hope to your ex
This may not have been your primary goal, you’ll give false hope to your ex. He’ll think that reaching out means you want to have something with him despite being married. This is something you should avoid at any cost. (Unless you really want to get back with him. In that case, who am I to stop you?)
But if you love your husband unconditionally, and you wouldn’t do anything to hurt him, avoid reconnecting with your ex. It’s definitely a wrong move and it will surely be painful for him.
Leave your ex where he belongs – in the past. You don’t want him in your present and you absolutely don’t want him to be a part of your future, do you? It’s pretty hard to stay friends with your ex and to keep it completely platonic, but if you think you can make it and your husband is okay with that, go for it.
2. Old feelings can reappear
Maybe contacting your ex was a completely innocent move from your side at the time you sent him that text. Be careful not to talk with him too much, though, because all this can easily rekindle the old flame and you may get stuck somewhere you don’t want to be.
If he reached out to you, it’s quite possible that he wants another chance. Listen to your gut feeling in this case, it’ll never fail you. Your ex has probably thought a lot about what happened and wants to make up for his mistakes.
In case you married for the wrong reasons (it happens) and you still love your past lover, talk with your husband and explain to him what’s happening. You don’t want to hurt him more than you have to, right?
3. You’re one step closer to cheating
Once you decide to answer his DM, you’re one step closer to cheating. After some time, we tend to forget why we broke up with someone, and all the vices they have now seem irrelevant. How could loud chewing bother you that much, and why is it such a big deal that he leaves his socks next to the laundry basket?
Cheating isn’t necessarily only in the physical sense. For some people, even thinking about another person and imagining different scenarios may be considered such. Things may start with texting, but who can guarantee that it won’t lead to something more?
In no time, your ex may call you to “catch up,” and before you know it, you’re flirting with each other and you completely forget you’re married to the man you don’t want to hurt.
4. You may start comparing your husband to your ex
This is one of the worst possible repercussions of playing with fire. You may start comparing your husband to your ex. This is not something you should ignore, so if just one thought crosses your mind, it’s time to set off the alarm bells.
Your ex is an ex for a reason, and you should never forget that. If you start overthinking your marriage and your decision to spend the rest of your life with one man, recall all the causes that led to your breakup with your ex.
Yes, he probably told you he loved you more often than your husband now does, but remember that your spouse is not only using words. He’s also showing his love and affection through his actions and that’s, in my opinion, more important.
5. You may mess up your priorities
One of the things that will happen before your marriage shakes up is that you may mess up your priorities. You’ll probably start ignoring everything else and neglect your obligations, simply to answer his text.
Once you slide your husband’s message (completely ignore it) or you reply to your ex first, you know you’re screwed. Get your ducks in a row – finally figure out what you want to do in your life and how you can improve your marriage.
6. Trust may be broken
Trust will inevitably be broken if you don’t tell your husband that you and your ex are texting. This is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship, so you really have to nurture it. If you’re deleting the messages so your spouse can’t see them, you obviously crossed the line and broke his trust.
You can hardly rebuild trust in a relationship after you’ve hurt the one you love, but it is possible. However, don’t be so sure that your partner will be able to forgive you. What you’re asking him to do is no easy task.
7. It can ruin your marriage
I’ve put this one last because all of the previous steps ultimately lead to ruining your marriage. Do you want it to fail? Is divorce the only option? Are there some problems that suddenly showed up and they seem unsolvable?
Reconnecting with your ex while married may lead you to the edge of the cliff and ultimately push you off. Think about everything before you act, and decide what you actually want from both men. If you continue on this path, expect your husband to start questioning himself and your marriage, which will end up weakening your union and eventually ruin it.
Leave the past behind you, because that’s where it belongs. And build a brighter and happier future with your spouse, the man you said your vows to, and the one you decided to spend the rest of your life with. It’s really that simple.