What would happen if you saw your ex calling you on your phone? Would you answer it or would you plainly reject him?
Well, that’s exactly what happened to me a couple of days ago. The one who broke my heart into a million pieces and left unbearable scars on my soul called me. The one who knew that I’d be there for him when he needed me, but he wouldn’t do the same for me.
What did he want? Why was he calling me now after so many months have passed? What would a man like him, a man with such toxic traits, want from a girl who’s only trying to heal her old wounds?
To tell you the truth, I answered the call because I was curious to hear what he had to say to me. And as we talked for hours, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. If someone had listened in on our conversation, they’d think that my ex was a changed man.
A man who now wants to make things right and give us a second chance.
He told me that he realized how much value I brought into his life and he said that he couldn’t live without me.
Perhaps he has turned over a new leaf, but I know him better than anyone else. I know that this act is his desperate attempt to make me come back to him. He wants to reassure himself that I’m still patiently waiting for him to call me.
Now that he’s alone, all by himself, he wants to know that he can still count on me. Why? Well, like any other toxic man, he needs someone to boost his fragile ego. He can’t stand being alone because that would mean that he’d need to face his inner demons.
To tell you the truth, I was surprised by my own reaction and feelings.
For the first time in months, I was able to catch my breath when I saw his name on my screen. I didn’t tremble. My heart didn’t start racing.
I didn’t let my emotions cloud my judgment. That’s why I didn’t feel the urge to give him a second chance, as if nothing bad had ever happened between the two of us.
I couldn’t believe it myself. I started wondering: Does it mean that I’m over him now? Did my heart finally let him go?
Then it finally hit me: I’m over this man!
But the pain that I was feeling didn’t fully go away. My old wounds were very much alive – not because I still loved him, but I never got the chance to get proper closure with him.
But how could I have closure with someone who refuses to see things from my point of view? How can I find closure from a man who believed he never hurt me?
I don’t think I’ll ever get it. I have to deal with it in my own way. That’s the art of finding closure for old wounds. You just accept that you won’t get the closure you desperately want from your ex.
To ask him why he did all those bad things to me and why he took me for granted would be foolish. He could never realize how toxic his behavior was.
He always prioritized himself over everyone and failed to see how lonely I was despite him being physically there with me.
This man will never give me a proper answer to my questions because the only person he’s ever thought about is himself and no one else.
I can’t understand why he barges into my life every once in a while. It would be better for the both of us if he just let go of the idea of us being together ever again.
He should have left me sooner because he knew I would never find happiness by his side. He needs to realize that there’s no more us.
But I’m strong enough to deal with my own old wounds. I’ve learned that in order to move forward with your life and to heal, you have to practice forgiveness.
I forgave myself for thinking that we could have a future together. And I forgave him for all the bad things that he’s done to me. But I’m still learning how to forgive myself for choosing so poorly.
The most important lesson that I learned is that this man was never the guy I could spend the rest of my life with. He couldn’t change for the sake of our love.
He’d never accept his mistakes and apologize for them. And he doesn’t possess enough courage or strength to do so.
He’s a toxic man who only called me when it suited him.
And after I give myself enough time to heal, I have to let him go. I shouldn’t live in the past hoping that something might change. I have to stop obsessing over something that could’ve and should’ve been.
And I will never pick up the phone when he calls me, ever again. We should let the past be behind us and focus on the future.
The truth is, all wounds can mend. You just have to be patient and give yourself enough time to heal.
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