If you want to get married to someone, there are some important questions to ask before you tie the knot that you should know about.
This is the person you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with so it’s crucial that you know their thoughts on some important subjects.
Are the two of you on the same page when it comes to finances, children, goals, and marriage in general?
You probably already know a lot about your partner, but do you know everything?
There are some things you need to talk about that you maybe haven’t really thought about.
These questions to ask before marriage will help you determine what your marriage is going to be like.
So, if you haven’t talked about the following things yet, be sure to do so now.
Here are all the questions to ask before marriage that will help you learn more about each other:
1. Do you want to have kids and what would happen if we couldn’t have them?
You should definitely talk about whether both of you want kids or not and how many of them, but that’s not all.
A lot of people have difficulties getting pregnant; although hopefully, it won’t happen to you.
However, it’s something you should talk about before getting married. Are both of you open to adoption?
Would you still be happy in your marriage if you didn’t have kids? These are some important questions to ask before marriage.
2. Are you religious and if so, do you expect me to participate in your religion?
You probably already know whether your partner is religious or not but do you know what they expect from you?
Do their religious beliefs influence the way they make big life decisions? Is it a big issue if your spiritual beliefs are different from theirs?
When you have children, will they have to belong to the same religion as your partner?
These are all things you should talk about with your partner.
It’s really important to know that it won’t be a problem if the two of you have different spiritual beliefs.
You should also discuss the way you’ll celebrate religious holidays.
3. What would you do if we had problems in our marriage and would you try counseling?
This is one of the most important questions to ask before marriage.
Every marriage encounters some problems eventually, so how will your partner react?
You don’t want someone who will give up on your marriage as soon as things get tough.
Hopefully, your partner will always be willing to try to work things out and that could sometimes mean going to counseling.
It’s also important to find out their thoughts on divorce. Is divorce an option for them, and in which cases?
4. Is the money you make yours and the money I make mine or is it all ours?
It’s very important that you talk about finances as well. Don’t forget to talk about debt too.
If you have debt, would your partner also consider it theirs and help you out? Does it matter who makes more money?
How does your partner feel about saving money? What amount of the monthly budget would be okay with both of you?
How much do they spend? These are some things you should definitely discuss before marriage.
5. What would we do if one of us was diagnosed with a serious illness?
When you think about questions to ask before marriage, you don’t want to think about topics such as illness and divorce.
However, discussing these things before you get married is a good thing to do.
How would your partner handle it if either one of you gets ill? Would you stay together and be there for each other in sickness and in health?
6. What are your opinions on cheating?
Have they cheated on someone before? You should know if they had an affair in the past, and you need to be sure that they won’t do it again.
What does your partner consider as infidelity? Some people think that having an emotional affair is the same as having a physical one.
Maybe your partner would consider it cheating if you flirted with someone.
These are things you should know about before getting married.
7. Where would you like to live?
Maybe your partner dreams about moving to another country one day, so you should talk about this.
Perhaps your partner wants you to live with their family or would like to live close to them.
You should tell them where you would like to live and see if your visions align or if you could make a compromise.
8. What are your goals regarding your career?
For some people, career plans are a priority, so it’s one of the questions to ask before marriage.
What kind of career does your partner have right now and what would they like to do in the future?
Maybe you’ve never talked about each other’s dream job and what kind of sacrifices you would make to obtain it.
9. Will both of us equally take care of our baby?
Have you ever asked your partner whether they would be willing to change diapers or not?
If not, this is something you need to talk about as becoming parents can be stressful.
Of course, you want your partner to be equally involved in taking care of your baby.
Who will work and who will stay home with the child? Will your family and theirs help you with taking care of the baby?
10. Who is going to manage the household?
Does your partner believe in traditional gender roles? This is one of the most important questions to ask before marriage.
Does your partner believe that a husband and wife are 100% equal? Does your partner mind doing the household chores? Do you?
Maybe they believe that a woman should be a housewife and that a man should provide for the family.
You should definitely know what they think about it.
11. What kind of relationships will you have with our families?
Maybe your partner is really close to their parents and other family members. Even if they’re not, their family and yours are important parts of your lives.
How often would you visit them and with which family will you spend the holidays?
These are some questions to ask before marriage because you’re all going to become one big family.
12. How important is it for you to spend some time alone?
You should know how much privacy your partner wants and whether you can be okay with how much alone time they need.
What about having a life outside of the relationship?
Will your partner include you when they spend time with their friends, or would they like to do so without you?
How much alone time do you need and are they okay with that?
13. What is your family’s medical history?
If there some genetic abnormalities or diseases in your partner’s family history, you need to know about them.
This is very important to know before having children.
Do any of their family members suffer from alcoholism? You should also talk about what will happen if your parents or theirs become ill.
Would you take care of them and is living with them an option?
14. What would we do if we stopped loving each other?
Love often fades away in a marriage, so what will you do if it happens to you? Will you get a divorce or try to rekindle the old flame?
How would you try to fall in love with each other again if you did?
Would you still respect each other and talk about this if it happened? How would you keep the love alive so this wouldn’t happen?
15. What are the best and worst things about marriage?
Finding out what your partner thinks about marriage before you get married is crucial.
Maybe they have some fears regarding marriage, and that’s okay but you should know about it.
These questions to ask before marriage are all about having an honest conversation with your partner.
They’re also about realizing what kind of marriage you’re going to have.
16. How important do you think wedding anniversaries are?
A lot of married couples have fights when one of them forgets about their wedding anniversary.
Is this something that the two of you will argue about too? Maybe your partner doesn’t think that wedding anniversaries are important.
On the other hand, they could be one of those people who think of it as a big deal and want to celebrate it.
Either way, you should know what their thoughts about anniversaries are.
17. Is there something you’re afraid to talk to me about?
Your partner should feel comfortable telling you anything. If they’re not, this is something you need to work on before getting married.
The best marriages are those in which both partners feel free to speak their mind and tell their loved one everything.
Don’t forget that healthy communication is the key to a happy marriage.
18. Would you like to have a pet?
The two of you will probably want to have a pet one day, so is your partner a dog person or a cat person?
This really isn’t a deal-breaker but it’s something to discuss before getting married.
Maybe your partner is allergic to cats while you would love to have one someday.
Perhaps they would like to have three dogs and that seems like too many for you.
If you get a pet, who will take care of it, or will you both be equally involved?
19. What are your political views?
More importantly, would it be an issue if the two of you had different political ideals? Do their political views impact the way they make decisions?
Maybe they don’t even care about political issues, but you do, so is that a problem?
Is there something about your partner’s political ideals that bothers you? Could it cause fights in the future?
20. Will you always tell me when something’s bothering you?
As I already said, healthy communication is the key to a happy marriage. Your partner shouldn’t keep quiet about something that’s bothering them.
Let them know that they can always tell you anything and that you don’t want them to bottle up their feelings.
If the two of you can be open and honest with each other, you will have a happy marriage.
21. Do you apologize after a fight or do you hold grudges?
All couples fight sometimes, even those in the happiest marriages. So, it’s very important that you know how your partner reacts after a fight.
Are they ever the first one to apologize? Do they hold grudges and bring up issues from the past?
Would they stop talking to you if you had a fight, or would they try to get back on track?
22. What are your life goals for the future?
Where does your partner see themselves in five, ten, or twenty years from now?
If you are going to spend the rest of your life together, this is something you should talk about.
Do they want to raise a family, retire early, become an entrepreneur, or travel? What about you? Do you share any of the life goals they have?
23. What do you want to do when you get old?
Does your partner have a retirement plan? If the two of you are going to grow old together, you should know what it’s going to be like.
Will there be any regrets they’ll have when they grow old if they don’t do something while they’re young?
24. What is the longest relationship you had before this one?
How did that relationship end and what did they learn from it? You should talk about your past relationships before you get married.
This is especially important if your partner has been married before or has children.
How do they see your relationship with their children in the future?
Other questions you can ask are whether they have ever lived with someone before or were engaged.
25. Do you have any health problems I don’t know about?
If your partner has an illness, takes medication, or is suffering from an addiction, they need to tell you about it.
Talk about the health problems they used to have as well, even if they don’t have them anymore.
You can also ask them whether they have been a smoker and whether they’ll smoke again.
Another topic you can talk about regarding health is whether your partner goes to the gym.
Are they on some sort of diet? This is also something you should ask them.
26. How important is the way I look to you?
What would be your partner’s reaction if you gained a lot of weight or stopped taking care of your appearance?
It’s important that you ask them that before getting married.
How important is the way they look to you? Do they undergo any cosmetic procedures on a regular basis?
27. How often do you spend time with your friends?
Naturally, your partner should spend some time with their friends but you should be a priority to them.
Do they still go out and go to parties? How often?
Would they take you along or go alone? Is it important to them that their friends like you? Do they talk to their friends on the phone every day?
28. Have you ever been in trouble with the law?
Did your partner ever commit a crime, get arrested, or go to jail? Were they involved in a lawsuit or legal action?
Have they ever been a victim of a crime? It’s good to know these things before getting married as well.
29. Where would you like to travel?
How often do they travel and how much money do they spend on traveling? Where will you go for your honeymoon?
Traveling is another topic you should discuss before getting married if you haven’t yet.
30. What do you do when you get really angry?
You need to know whether your partner gets violent when they get angry.
At some point in your marriage, they will surely get mad, and it’s important to know how they’ll react.
What can you do to calm them down when they are angry? Ask them that too, so you will know how to help them relax when they are mad.
You can also ask them about what they do when they are really sad and really happy.
31. What makes you keep going when things get tough?
How can you help them stay strong when there are major life problems? You need to be your partner’s biggest support, just like they should be yours.
Ask them what they need from you when they are experiencing any problems and how you can be there for them.
32. How soon after we get married would you like to start a family?
Does your partner want to have kids right away or for there to be just the two of you for a few years?
How about you? You could also talk about what you will do if you accidentally get pregnant sooner than you planned to.
33. What will we do if one of us loses our job?
Would your partner be willing to provide for you while you are unemployed?
What if they lose their job, would you help them until they got back on their feet again?
Would you be able to live with only one income? Will you have some savings in case something like this happens?
34. Will we buy a house one day?
Making plans for the future is important in a relationship, as well as in a marriage.
How will you manage to buy a home and when would you like to be able to do that? What kind of house would you like, and in what sort of neighborhood?
35. How much will you talk to others about our relationship?
Would you be okay with it if your partner talked to their friends and family about the problems in your marriage?
Will you keep things private or will you ask others for marital advice?
It’s great if you can be on the same page about this before you get married.
36. Do you expect me to change something about myself or will you change something about yourself?
A lot of people have expectations that their partner will eventually change.
For example, you could think that your partner is a little selfish but believe that it will change when you have kids.
When you are getting married to someone, it’s important that you don’t expect them to become a different person.
You have to love and accept each other for who you are before you get married.
37. Are you always going to take my side?
There could be a conflict where your partner will have to pick a side. Maybe you’ll have an argument with their family or friends. Will they take your side?
When you are a married couple, you need to work as a team and have each other’s back.
38. Do we have any unhealthy habits when we communicate and can we work on them?
These unhealthy habits can be eye-rolling, name-calling, minimizing feelings, blaming…
They can also be shutting down and making judgmental statements.
If either of you does any of these things while you communicate, you should try working on that.
Once you have better communication, you will have a better relationship.
39. What kind of childhood did you have?
You should talk to your partner about their childhood, as it greatly impacts who we become as grown-ups.
Do they want to raise their children the same way they were raised?
How does their family handle conflict? Were they allowed to freely express their emotions?
40. Why do you want to marry me?
Ultimately, your partner should know why they want to be married to you. Love is the only right reason to get married to someone.
As long as the two of you love each other, you will always find a way to make it work.
Congratulations on getting married and good luck!