Think aloud
To you, putting someone on a pedestal may mean that you love and appreciate them. But what you don’t realize is that this type of relationship is creating more harm than good.
Often, we idealize people we meet, thinking that they’re better than us. They seem to have it all and their lives seem to be the perfect examples of what we want to have. So we focus so hard on their perfections that we forget that they also come with flaws, like every other person in this world.
This happens with your partner, your friends, and even your coworkers. For some reason, you believe that a certain person is perfect so you look at them through rose-colored glasses.
Even though it feels like there’s nothing wrong with that, putting someone on a pedestal is much more than appreciating the person and giving them credit for who they are. It’s about creating these unrealistic expectations that are impossible to meet.
So, what happens when you treat someone as if they’re perfect in every way, shape, and form? Here’s the truth!
What are the consequences of putting someone on a pedestal?
You’re probably familiar with the feeling of meeting someone new and thinking of them as if they’re the best person you’ve ever met. “Wow, he really is a dream man! I wish I was more like him.”
Even though it’s great to embrace someone’s traits, there’s a thin line between cherishing someone for who they are and thinking that they have no flaws at all. Let’s be real, we’re all humans and we all come with our own imperfections. And at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with that!
However, when you fail to realize that, you reach a state where you idealize the person standing in front of you. They could be hurting you again and again but you wouldn’t see that. For some reason, you would still treat them with utmost respect and ignore everything about them that doesn’t fit your description.
This type of behavior comes with many consequences. It affects you and your relationship with them in the following ways.
1. You don’t see them for who they are
No matter how hard they keep showing you that they’re not perfect, you’ll only be able to see the picture of them you’ve created in your head. Your mind simply can’t accept the fact that they’re flawed the same way we all are and instead, you treat them as if they’re way out of your league.
This is wrong on so many levels since it can allow them to hurt you. When you don’t see someone for who they are, you give them room to treat you however they want. This person knows that you won’t get up and leave which allows them to play with your heart and emotions as much as they want.
In the end, you’ll always justify their actions with some weird excuse. Or even worse than that, you won’t notice what’s going on in front of you.
When you’re highly convinced that someone is almost god-like, you give them a chance to treat you the way they want to.
2. You feel submissive to them
Putting someone on a pedestal leads to an unhealthy relationship dynamic. It doesn’t matter if it’s your partner or a friend, you’ll start to feel submissive to them.
You’ll follow their lead, do as they say, and ignore your own feelings simply because you assume that the other person knows better than you. And in a situation like that, it’s your self-esteem that suffers.
At one point, you’ll lose your confidence and you’ll no longer listen to the voice inside of you. This other person will become your guide and you’ll follow them blindly, without ever asking yourself if you’re doing the right thing.
No relationship should look anything like this. The moment you realize that you’re feeling submissive to someone is the moment you have to change something in your life or you’re going to end up hurt.
3. You start to feel anxious about your relationship
Let’s say that you’re in a romantic relationship with someone and you have this unhealthy dynamic where you assume that your partner is better than you. Can you imagine what will happen next?
First of all, you’re going to start walking on eggshells around them. You won’t want to mess things up so you’ll hold your breath and try to act as you think that they want you to.
Once that happens, you’ll never feel free in your relationship. Your inside voice will keep reminding you to step up your game since you’re not worthy of the person you’re with. This will make you feel anxious about everything you do since you’ll be afraid that they’ll leave you.
Does this feel like the type of relationship you want to be in? Do you really want to feel like you’re not good enough for your partner?
There likely isn’t a person in the world who wants to experience this but still, it’s a common feeling for all of us when we put someone on a pedestal. The moment you start to treat someone as if they’re better than you is the moment you’ll ignore your own emotions completely.
4. You make the other person feel pressured
Idealizing someone doesn’t only affect you. It also affects the person on the throne. How is that possible, you may ask?
Well, when you treat someone like they’re perfect, you assume that everything they do is going to be right. And when you place these expectations on someone, you don’t realize that the other person feels pressured.
We all make mistakes, that’s just how life works. But when you keep repeating to someone that they can’t be wrong, you make them feel like they have to justify your trust.
This can mess up their self-esteem since they will feel ten times worse if they do something wrong. They’ll blame themselves for it simply because they let you down.
How do you stop putting someone on a pedestal?
Now that you see the consequences of putting someone on a pedestal, you may want to change your ways. But how do you do that? When you get used to treating someone like they’re the best person in the world, it’s hard to stop acting that way.
Still, it’s possible, as long as you want to make a difference. And here’s how you can do that.
1. Be honest with yourself
First of all, you have to remind yourself that the person standing in front of you isn’t perfect. That’s simply impossible.
We all have our flaws and there’s nothing wrong with that. Our imperfections make us who we are. So, you can’t expect someone to do everything perfectly since that’s too much to ask for.
This is the first thing you have to realize. Once you’re honest with yourself and accept the truth that we’re all equals in this world, you can move to the next step.
2. Try to think of something they do that you don’t like
It doesn’t mean that you care less about this person if you’re aware of their flaws. It simply means that you’re accepting of them and that they won’t prevent you from loving them.
So, even though you’ve been trying so hard to think of them as perfect, it’s time to be honest with yourself. Try to figure out what’s something they do that you don’t like. Try to think of one thing that makes you realize they’re human.
Once you do that, it’ll become easier for you to take them off a pedestal. This one simple realization will change the way you treat them and your whole relationship dynamic will become much healthier.
No one is perfect and sometimes, we need a bit more time to realize that. But once we become aware of it, it’s much easier to build an honest relationship with someone and establish a real connection.
3. Speak to someone you trust
Usually, people around you are much better at seeing what others are like. So, a good way to stop putting someone on a pedestal is to have a chat with a person you trust. It could be your family member, a good friend, or even a therapist.
These people will give you their perspective on the story and will help you realize what’s going on.
Think of it this way. When you’re friend is dating someone who’s clearly not good for her, do you happen to notice that early on? Do you happen to see his real face before she does?
It’s the same for you and the people you hang out with. Your closest friends and family members will see through the person you’re putting on a pedestal. They will share the truth with you and let you know what’s actually going on.
So, if you need someone to help you open your eyes, talk to anyone you trust and let them tell you how they feel about a certain situation. After that, you’ll take off your rose-colored glasses and see things for what they actually are.