It doesn’t matter if you were the wrong person for me or if it was just the wrong timing. I’d still like to think that I’m not as forgettable as you make me feel.
Do you ever think of me? Do you ever open up our messages to read them for old time’s sake?
Are you just as desperate to text me as I am to text you? Or have you actually moved on?
When I think back on you, I never think of the bad days. I know there were many. We didn’t part ways because of how good our relationship was.
I can’t lie to myself and say that I was blind to how toxic we were to each other. We were everything but the best partners back then.
When you meet someone at such a young age, you don’t really know what you’re doing. You can see the potential in your relationship, but you don’t know how to act on it. It’s hard to believe that it’s going to last forever, but you also hold on to each other for dear life.
What else were we supposed to do? We would fight and yell at each other because that’s what other couples did.
We broke each other’s hearts in the process.
I met you when I needed you the most. The issue is that I didn’t stop needing you even when you decided to walk out of my life.
We met at a time where things were just getting worse. We were in our early twenties, living the life we always thought we wanted to live, yet we still didn’t know where it would lead us.
Back then, we just knew that the here and now matters. Whenever we’d kiss, you’d remind me that I didn’t have to be anxious about a future that was so far away from us. You’d hold me in your arms and make me forget about anything and everything other than you.
You’d tell me stories about the dreams you had for us and how we would move in together one day. I told you there was nothing more that I wanted in my life, and even today, a small piece of me thinks that.
We’d make so many plans, yet we still found a way to enjoy every single time our hands fit into each other perfectly.
We were that kind of couple that would send each other music because we dedicated so many songs to our love. It’s a love language that you can’t find everywhere in the world, it’s just reserved for the special few.
You can imagine how much those memories hurt right now.
I can’t play my favorite songs anymore because every single one of them reminds me of you. I can’t watch my favorite movies because I still remember every single time you’d make a joke about them.
Do you struggle the same way I do? It’s heartbreaking to think that you forgot about me and that these things didn’t mean to you as much as they did to me.
I like to believe that you remember as well. That at night, when there’s a storm out and the thunder strikes, it reminds you how I’d cry because I was scared. Part of it was to make you spoil me with your affection.
I’d like to believe that you didn’t throw away all the books that I gifted you, just like I haven’t thrown away the hoodie you gave me.
The worst part about all of this is that I tried to move on. When I realized that you weren’t coming back to me, I genuinely tried to find someone else. I wanted to love again and to feel loved.
But I would always compare them to you. They weren’t as gentle or as caring as you. They weren’t funny enough or considerate enough. Their laugh didn’t make me melt and their eyes didn’t make me weak at the knees.
They simply weren’t you. That was their only sin.
Over the years, I’ve heard that you’ve been dating as well. I don’t know if there’s anyone in your life right now, but I really hope that you’re happy with her.
I hope that you find the love of your life and that you’ll be happy with her. Because you truly deserve to be loved.
It’ll hurt me. I’ll cry when I find out that you picked someone who isn’t me to love for the rest of your life. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’ll also be so extremely happy for you.
I just hope that you don’t forget about me. I want to believe that I’m not as forgettable as these years of your silence have made me feel.
Just text me once. Whenever I get a notification, I jump out of my skin because hope tends to consume me.
I hope that it’s you and that you’ll ask to see me. Because I really do wish to see you, but I don’t have the courage to text you first. I don’t even know if you still use the same number as you did before.
Please, just once, tell me that you remember me as well. I don’t know what that might do to my already fragile heart, but it can’t possibly hurt more than the numb pain that keeps following me around. You’re the only person I yearn for.
Even if I do marry someone one day, even if I do feel something similar to the love I felt for you, it’ll never be the same. No one will ever be you.
I know that I shouldn’t put you on such a high pedestal. I know that I’m not doing myself a favor or making any sense, but the heart doesn’t choose. It just loves.
That’s why I’ll admit that I still love you.
And somehow, I feel like you still love me as well. Even if your silence doesn’t make it seem like the truth, you still remember me. Somewhere deep in your heart, the connection is still there.
So please never completely forget about me, even when time robs you of your memories. Try to hold on to that little part that reminds you of me. It would mean the world to me.
Because if you truly did forget about me… then my heart would shatter into pieces.