Trust is fragile. It is hard to earn but easy to break. Or, as Lady Gaga and Beyonce say, “Trust is like a mirror, you may fix it when it’s broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother*ucking reflection”. And what is a greater leap of faith than giving someone your heart? But if they brake it, you are left with the pistanthrophobia – fear of trusting people.
Women who have been cheated on have a harder time getting to trust again in new relationships, and that is perfectly normal. If your previous partner betrayed your trust, how do you know that your new boyfriend won’t do the same? The answer is – you don’t. None of us do. You just have to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt.
Use your past relationship not as a trigger for your lack of trust but as a lesson from which you can learn. Maybe you are simply choosing the wrong men, or you are ignoring the signs of infidelity. Whatever it was, your past relationship can help you see the signs in your new one.
You can never be 100% sure that your trust isn’t going to get betrayed, but for all those people who will hurt you there will be that one person for which it is worth to trust all of them just in case one of them is that special someone who will make you believe in love again.
Remember, every person is, in fact, three persons – the one others think she is, the one she thinks she is, and the one she actually is. So your opinion on them is only one-third of the truth. It is best to believe that people are good because by nature they are.
Everyone was born good, and that is their natural virtue. But what disappoints you isn’t the belief that people are good, but the expectation that people have to behave in a certain way. Expectations are the only reason for disappointment.
And what do repeated disappointments cause? The fear of trusting people or pistanthrophobia.
What is Pistanthrophobia?
Trusting people can leave you with a broken heart, and nobody is more aware of that than the people who suffer from pistanthrophobia. This is also a fear of betrayal because people who suffer from it have had a bad relationship experience in the past.
What are the pistanthrophobia symptoms?
If you have a fear of trusting someone, you might want to see if you have any of the following pistanthrophobia symptoms:
1. You think every relationship will end with a heartbreak
If you think that every new person you meet and fall in love with is, in fact, going to hurt you, it is actually what could define pistanthrophobia. Your experience taught you that you shouldn’t trust others because they are just going to betray you and break your heart.
But just because you stabbed yourself on one rose doesn’t mean that you will never like roses again. Don’t let someone from your past define who you are and dictate what you think of others.
Why do you always think of the worst case scenario? Maybe those you doubt didn’t deserve it, and actually, you are the one who is hurting them.
2. You need reassurance
If you need constant reassurance from your partner that he really does love you and worry that he will betray you have a fear of trust. Did your ex lie to you that he loves you while he cheated on you behind your back?
You have to understand that this guy you’re with is not your ex and never will be. Just because one person hurt you doesn’t mean that everyone will. Trust me, men aren’t the same.
3. You are jealous
Instead of enjoying your relationship, you are constantly obsessing about the ideas that your partner will cheat on you. You need constant reassurance from your partner that he is not going to betray your trust.
Irrational fear is causing you to have trust issues and have a negative view of your relationship, which is stopping you from truly enjoying it.
4. You easily get attached
When suffering from pistanthrophobia you can start believing in fairy tales, and so you easily get attached to strangers or even objects.
You are expecting from your partner more than he could give you at the moment because it takes time for him to become the love of your life, it doesn’t happen overnight.
5. You think all man are cheaters
Many of the people in your life may step away from you because of the negative vibe you are spreading because of your trust issues, which are causing you to believe all men are the same, and that they are all cheaters.
To cure pistanthrophobia you have to realize that this isn’t true, and that there are good men out there. Believing it will even help you find one while staying negative might cause you to lose one.
6. You think you are not good enough
If you have the need for constant reassurance and feel you are not good enough for your boyfriend, you might be pistanthrophobic.
After the many failed relationships, you have become more conscious about your looks and personality, so you believe you are not good enough. You have a fear of trusting your partner, which is the pistanthrophobia definition.
7. You think that you will never find love
You believe that no man will ever commit to you fully and value who you are. You think he will take you for granted and betray your trust. Have you ever heard about the saying that your life is like your thoughts? What you think shapes your life and determines what you bring to it.
Bad experiences might cause you to have a fear of trusting others, but thinking they will hurt you might actually cause that to happen. In any case, it certainly won’t help for it not to happen.
8. You don’t like meeting new people
Because you think you will not like them and won’t be able to pretend you do. What’s worse, you are even more afraid that you will like them, but that it will just cause you to get hurt again.
Trust me, just because some people in your life have hurt you doesn’t mean that everyone will, and you are losing diamonds while you are too busy throwing rocks.
9. You don’t believe anything you hear
You see everyone as potential liars, so you are not believing in their stories. It seems like you are programmed to question every word you hear, and it is just a matter of time when your doubts will be confirmed. The nicer the person is, the harder it will be for you to believe them.
10. You have decided never to trust again
What is actually behind all this is that you have decided never to trust anyone again, whether you are aware of it or not. It is just the choice you made after the last person in your life hurt you.
Never again will you give a chance for someone to do that. But this may cause you not to give a chance to someone who could actually hold you like a drop of water on his palm.
11. You are constantly checking his phone
All of us sometimes get into the temptation to check out our partners’ phone to see who has he been getting messages from and what is he doing when we are not around, but if you have started to do this obsessively, you might be suffering from pistanthrophobia.
What are you hoping to find there anyway? Are you so sure that he is hiding something that you have to check everything to justify your doubts? What if you do find the justification, and what if you don’t?
Meddling in his privacy won’t bring anything good, and you could lose his trust. It’s time to think twice before letting your lack of trust ruin the good thing you got going on.
12. You are stalking him on social media
Sure you can pretend that you care about his new status update and pictures he posted because they have something to do with you or you want to know about his life, but be honest to yourself and admit that you are actually stalking him to find proof that he is lying to you.
Maybe you’ll even check out the profile of a girl that liked his picture and get jealous. The solution is – delete him from your social media. If this is the only way you can control yourself, it’s better than nothing.
13. You always expect the worst things
If you are always picturing the worst-case scenario and assume he is cheating just because he hasn’t answered your text right away, you could be, in fact, ruining a good thing because of your fear of trusting him. Unless there are clear signs that he is unfaithful, relax, and let him have a life outside of your relationship.
Otherwise, you might push him away from you because of your jealous actions, and you don’t want to prove to yourself that he is going to hurt you by causing it to happen.
14. You are clingy
You have to keep an eye on him to make sure he is not doing something he shouldn’t be? Has he given you any reason for such suspicion? You have to allow him to breathe. It is not his fault that you are feeling insecure or threatened by anyone he speaks to.
15. You test him
All those Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock movies are causing you to make him do some kind of a grand gesture to prove his love for you. When you are in a relationship, you have to trust that he loves you.
What is the pistanthrophobia cure?
1. Tell your partner about it
The pistanthrophobia meaning is the fear of trusting someone, and you should say that to your special someone. By knowing this, he will understand why you are behaving the way you do and be more considerate. Having trust issues is nothing uncommon and also nothing to be ashamed of.
But it is something you should work on, and your partner could help you with it. If he really cares for you, he will be more patient and accepting of your condition, and it won’t surprise him so much if you are obsessively looking at his Facebook profile or have a problem with him talking to other girls.
Talk to each other. The more we talk to each other, the better we know each other. And by communicating, we increase the mutual trust we have. Communicate about the reasons that are causing you to have pistanthrophobia and explain your problems.
2. Try therapy
It’s always best to seek the opinion of the third party, especially if that person is a professional who can really help you deal with your pistanthrophobia.
Seeing a therapist is nothing to be ashamed of, and more and more people are aware of that every day, as they go out and seek professional help for their problems.
An expert could find the root of your problem and a deeper reason for your fear of trusting people. Who knows, it might date back to when you were just a kid.
3. Put an effort to change
By changing your mindset, you will be more open to new opportunities in life and what they bring, without the fear that they will bring only pain. You have to relax and let destiny handle things.
Whatever will happen will happen. If someone wants to cheat on you, they will, but it doesn’t mean that everyone wants to cheat. You have to accept that you can control your actions, but you can’t control the actions of others.
4. Give yourself time to change
Change doesn’t happen overnight, and old habits die hard. As I said earlier, whatever will happen will happen. You need to relax and let things take their course. Pistanthrophobia is something that has deep roots inside you, and you need help and time to find and resolve them.
5. Try to be positive
It should be your daily task to try to think positive and change your mindset. Your current train of thoughts didn’t get you anywhere did it? All it got you is pistanthrophobia.
Try and change the way you think and invite positive things into your life by being positive. Remove anything in your life that disturbs your peace. Go away from toxic people and make room in your life for people who will get you to believe in love again and never betray your trust.
6. Be honest
Honesty is what trust is based on, and lies are the thing that causes pistanthrophobia. But if you want honesty from others, you have to give them the same and be honest. Especially with your partner.
By telling the truth, you will teach people around you that you expect the truth from them. Sometimes it’s better not to tell the whole truth, but without honesty, there is no trust.
7. Be open and involved
Accept new people in your life and realize most people don’t mean harm. You can take the risk of having faith in people. There will come that special someone who will make it worth it.
8. Keep your promises
When you make a promise, keep it and make your word count for something. This is necessary for a trusting relationship, and you will show to others that you expect the same from them.
Making fake promises and not sticking to your word can cause people to have trust issues. Maybe it’s the exact root of your problem. Don’t treat others the way you don’t want them to treat you.
9. Find things in common with your partner
Some research showed that it is easier for us to trust someone with whom we have much in common with. When you are looking for a partner, this should be one of the factors on which you will decide who to date, because having similar interests and being alike is what means to be soulmates.
10. Have confidence
Sometimes, the reason for pistanthrophobia is low self-esteem and not having enough confidence. Strong and confident women rarely have trust issues and know what they want, how to get it, and what to expect.
Work on your confidence, because you deserve to be to the best version of yourself and see how great you really are!
11. Stay rational
You should see things realistically. A bad experience can repeat, but that doesn’t mean it necessarily will. Leave your past behind you and open your heart and mind to see the bright future ahead of you. And you are the one who should create it by working on yourself and your issues.
Trust me, it is much better to be able to trust people because sometimes they will even exceed your expectations instead of letting you down.