Think aloud
Everyone has heard the sentence, ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater.’ At one point, it became nothing more than a saying, and no one knows if they should actually believe in it. However, we find ourselves saying it whenever the right moment arises.
So, is it true that a cheater will forever be one? Does that mean that whoever has made one mistake will continue to do so for years after that?
It’s a complicated question, but there are a couple of facts that everyone should be aware of. This is only important if you want to continue your relationship with someone who has already cheated on you, or they have a history of cheating.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who has always been faithful but made a stupid mistake back in high school, and it never happened again, then you may want to consider that this man wouldn’t harm you.
“Once a cheater, always a cheater” – is that true?
No, it’s not. Let’s just be plain honest about this. People’s lives are very complicated, and even though I don’t condone this behavior, it’s proven that people are able to cheat and still understand the consequences of their actions.
When they understand what they’ve done and how it affects their partner, they can change for the better.
Of course, this comes with many issues, and a lot of work has to be done in the relationship. For example, you have the right to have trust issues after that. Your partner will have to go through so many troubles to get you to trust him again, but that doesn’t mean that your relationship is over.
If you’ve had an agreement, and you set the boundaries at the beginning, then breaking up is more than normal. However, if you choose to stay, your partner can and will have to put in the extra effort just to convince you that this was a one-time thing.
This is when you should set new boundaries and always keep them in mind. Nonetheless, if you choose to stay with that man, then you can’t just hold that against him for the remainder of your relationship.
If you choose to stay, that’s your responsibility.
None of the excuses for the betrayal are valid
It doesn’t matter what your partner uses as an excuse for the betrayal; it’s important to remember that none of them are valid. There’s no way that substances are a proper reason, even though intoxication can cloud someone’s judgment.
How many times do people get hammered, and they still don’t make such a huge mistake?!
Another reason that people choose to use when they’ve cheated on their partner is to say that there were some relationship problems, and they needed an escape. Well, the cheater could’ve easily broken up instead of betraying their partner’s trust.
So, once you understand that there’s no valid reason for cheating, the only thing that the cheater can do is acknowledge their mistake and promise to work on the relationship. After that, it’s up to the other party if they want to give them a chance.
In this situation, if you’re the one who’s been cheated on, you can definitely choose to move on from the relationship. It’s hard to forgive such behavior, and you’re not obligated to stay just because you’ve been together for a while, or just because your partner feels remorse.
If you can’t trust them after this, then it’s a done deal. Don’t torture yourself just for their sake. Just leave. They’ve made their decision.
A cheater is 3 times more likely to betray his partner again
This is a very hard thing to comprehend, but it’s true. A cheater is 3 times more likely to cheat again and to betray their partner’s trust.
So, when you’re in a relationship, and this happens to you, there’s a good chance that they’ll do it again.
In the first part of the article, I said that a cheater can change, but that’s only if it’s on their own accord and if they’re willing to admit that they’ve made a mistake. When they’re ready to make that move into a new mindset, then they’ll do something to work on the relationship.
However, statistics don’t lie.
Similarly, people who have been cheated on in the past are twice as likely to be cheated on again in their next relationship. And folks who have suspected infidelity in their past relationship are four times as likely to suspect infidelity in every upcoming relationship.
But, as stated before – it’s not your fault. You deserve someone who’s loyal to you, and just because you’ve been cheated on once or multiple times in the past, it doesn’t mean that you won’t find a man who’ll be faithful to you until the end.
Signs your partner will cheat again
1. You catch him lying
If you choose not to believe in the saying ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ and you choose to forgive your partner, you have to see the signs that they’ll probably cheat again.
The first thing that you may notice is that they continue lying to you. For example, they’ll tell you that they’re going out with friends, but you see on their friend’s social media that they are nowhere around.
Or, they say that they blocked the other woman everywhere, yet you still find her in their list of people that they follow. They may have even said that they deleted her number, yet your partner continues to receive suspicious messages, just under another name.
So, they’re going to cheat again. Even if they promised that they won’t.
2. He doesn’t allow you to check his phone
We are so conditioned to believe that it’s an invasion of privacy to check someone’s phone, but when you choose to be in a relationship with someone, it should be the most normal thing in the world.
When the man who cheated on you continues to tell you that you’re crazy for wanting to check his messages, he’s gaslighting you, and he’s probably still cheating on you.
If he wasn’t cheating, then he wouldn’t have something to hide.
3. He goes out without you
I know that being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you should cut off all of your friends, however, it should be normal to go out with your partner, especially when he’s going out to parties.
There’s a good chance that he’s cheating on you if he says that you’re not welcome at the party, or that he doesn’t want to seem like a simp to his friends, or if he says that he feels like you’re watching his every move.
What he doesn’t seem to understand is that you have the right to watch his moves after he’s cheated on you. You have the right to go out with him, just to make sure that your heart is safe. This may seem controlling to him, but if he wants to prove that he’s faithful to you – then he should be happy to bring you everywhere.
4. He tries blaming you
If your partner cheated on you and betrayed your trust in the process, he should take full responsibility for his actions. A man who knows that he’s done something wrong won’t find excuses for his behavior, but he’ll try to show you that he truly is remorseful.
So, if he blames you for cheating on you, then he’s likely going to cheat on you again. He doesn’t understand how serious his betrayal is, and he doesn’t want to change. He’s only going to use those excuses as long as he can, to make sure that you feel guilty.
On the other hand, you did nothing wrong. He’s just a piece of crap that thinks that guilt-tripping will give him a pass to do it again.
5. He refuses to accommodate your boundaries
After you’ve been cheated on, you have to set boundaries to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. Those boundaries are there to protect your heart! And if he’s truly sorry for his actions, he’ll make sure to respect each and every one of those.
So, what happens when he doesn’t accommodate your boundaries? He doesn’t let you see his phone? He doesn’t let you know his location? Or maybe, he’s trying to convince you that staying friends with the other woman is normal?
Whatever his excuses are, he’s showing you that he doesn’t respect you enough to agree to your boundaries. He’s going to cheat on you again, for certain.