For as long as I can remember, I’ve fallen for the wrong guys. My love life has always been a mess as I’ve never been able to figure out whether it was my fault or someone else’s.
There were times I couldn’t take it anymore and I started to lose faith in love because every guy took me for granted. However, I picked myself up, believing that next time would be different.
I would get my hopes up, thinking that I’d finally found someone who’s normal, only to find out he was a toxic maniac who only thought about himself.
And that’s when the emotional abuse started. He would manipulate me into thinking that I was the one to blame for everything bad happening in our relationship, guilt-tripping and criticizing my every decision. All of that proved to me that most guys are toxic and actually enjoy being just like that.
The next thing that would happen is that I’d leave him and take time to emotionally and physically heal from his toxic behavior. However, the scars would never heal. The wound would only get deeper and I’d become weaker.
I knew something didn’t feel right. I couldn’t say that it was my fault because I knew I was emotionally mature enough to know what I want.
So, then what was it? What was the root of my problem?
I kept asking myself: Did I do something wrong? Is there something inside me that causes them to treat me so poorly? Am I giving too much of myself?
But, one day it struck me. I had an epiphany. Everything became crystal clear to me.
Once I left my manipulative ex, I finally found the reason why toxic men were drawn to me like a magnet.
The thing is, I possess certain traits that toxic men desperately need or want to have. And I’m not talking about just one thing, but several smaller things that I subconsciously do because I truly care about my significant other.
So, hear me out.
Sometimes, I was too available to him and that’s why my toxic ex was manipulative.
I’m not like some girls who would rather play mind games with a guy and be unavailable because they think it will make them more attractive. I was never like that.
I knew from the start that I wouldn’t play such games because I simply can’t ignore someone who is important to me. I can’t do that.
But that’s why my toxic ex was toxic in the first place. The minute my phone rang, I’d pick it up and answer his call. I’d do it even though he’d ghosted me the whole day.
He knew that was something I couldn’t handle, but still, he had the audacity to ghost me.
I thought he would change, so I kept forgiving him.
But as you guessed it, that never happened. He was always prioritizing everyone besides me – his friends, family, hobbies. I was on the bottom of his priority list.
But the second he called me when he thought it was convenient for him, I would pick up the phone and answer. He took me for granted because he knew he could.
I’m an empath and he used that against me.
Those who are closest to me know this is my weak spot. I empathize with other people and I fully invest myself in a romantic relationship. And he knew that about me. He saw that I have traits of an empath and used it all against me.
He would tell me lies, saying how badly life treated him, how his ex used him, and how he only needed love in his life.
I would believe him. I fell into his trap and didn’t realize that those were all excuses and nothing else. I quickly forgave him, even before he said he was sorry.
And I trusted him.
I believed in his stories despite my better judgment. He only gave me excuses and unrealistic promises, yet I chose to trust him.
I believed him because he meant the world to me and I really, truly loved him. I just wanted to have someone I could trust. Someone who’d be there for me when I needed him.
My gut feeling was telling me that something was wrong, but I chose to listen to my heart instead.
I put everything I had into the relationship and got nothing in return.
I’ve always been the type of girl to give her heart and soul to her significant other. I’ve always made an effort to ensure my partner’s always happy.
But the more I gave, the less I got in return. Eventually, I started to feel the emptiness building up inside me.
It wasn’t long before I realized that he didn’t care about me at all. He only used me and called me when it suited him.
Soon I missed having someone I could have a cup of coffee and good conversation with. I missed the harmony and peace you get when you love someone and that someone loves you back.
I stayed for longer than I should have, genuinely believing things would change.
Oh boy, was I wrong to think that way. You can’t fix something that’s already broken, someone who thinks he’s perfect as he is. You can’t force someone to change.
And I know that now. I’ve learned from my mistakes through every relationship and I’m not planning on making the same ones ever again.
So, that’s why I’m not a magnet for toxic men anymore. I’m the opposite of that.
Luckily for me, I’ve learned my lesson and established boundaries that will never be crossed again. I will always speak my mind and won’t settle for someone who doesn’t deserve me.