We all strive to be accepted by others. And even though we sometimes don’t like to admit it, we need other people’s validation and affirmation. But here’s the truth: Not everyone is going to like you.
We’ve evolved to survive better in groups. For ages, people have joined together to hunt for food, build shelter, and create an identity that others may or may not belong to. That’s because all of us have the need to be part of something.
But there are times when those needs come to the front, and what others think about us becomes more important than what we think about ourselves.
This is why you get upset every time someone says a bad word to you or tries to diminish your worth. You analyze every look that comes your way and assume that others are always judging you.
If someone you know passes right by you on the street and they don’t say hello, you start questioning their intentions and are convinced that you don’t deserve to be noticed.
The reason you’re like this is that you’re a people pleaser. You prioritize others, which leaves you in a vulnerable position where others may take advantage of you.
But remember, not everyone will like you. You don’t have to chase others and aim to be better just because someone doesn’t appreciate you the way you deserve to be appreciated.
It doesn’t mean that your life is over either because you have other things to be grateful for. Your identity and self-worth don’t depend on someone else. It’s okay that not everyone is going to like you and here’s why.
Why it’s alright to be disliked
What you think about yourself shouldn’t depend on how others perceive you.
You’ve probably been heartbroken before and the person who left you told you that you weren’t right for each other. At that moment, perhaps you thought you’re unworthy of receiving love and you questioned your value.
You believed this person was meant for you, but it turned out that wasn’t true at all. So, you analyze your actions to see whether or not the breakup was your fault. You build walls around your heart because you don’t want to be hurt like that again.
You start asking yourself “Why didn’t my partner like me?” or “What could I have done differently?” But you have to remember that some people are meant to stay in your life, while others will teach you a valuable lesson and then leave.
There are lots of benefits when you do finally realize that not everyone will like you, and here is a couple of them:
1. Haters are usually the ones with the problem
It’s very difficult to see things from another person’s perspective when you’re hurting.
Yes, they said something bad about you and their actions have hurt you emotionally. Still, there’s a possibility that the other person has a problem within themselves and they try to project their negative feelings onto you.
Usually, those who feed on negative energy don’t feel good about themselves, so their coping mechanism is to make someone else feel as bad as they do.
That’s why it’s okay that not everyone is going to like you. You shouldn’t seek validation from those people because they’re trying to wreck your good mood.
2. You gain the power to say no
Everyone hates people-pleasers. You don’t need to say yes to everything someone suggests to you just because you want to fit in. If someone asks you to do something, and those things don’t align with your core values, you have the right to say no to them.
It’s in human nature to test each other’s boundaries. And when you aren’t worried about being disliked by someone, you’re able to say no when you need to.
Remember, your answers shape your future. You have to choose wisely and not let others gain control over you.
Let’s say your friends ask you to go out with them, but you don’t feel like going out tonight. You tell them that you’re staying home and they immediately get upset with you.
Let me tell you something you probably already know. Those aren’t your true friends. They’re just using you for their selfish needs and don’t care about your needs at all.
But who cares if they don’t call you again. It’s okay that not everyone is going to like you – focus on those who do.
3. You’ll make an emotional impact
The simple truth is that people will either love or hate you. But you’re going to make an emotional impact on the other person in one way or another.
You can’t expect your crush to go on a date with you if you don’t have an emotional impact on him. And you can’t expect your client to buy anything from you if you don’t touch their heart somehow.
You can’t play it safe your entire life and fight to be liked by everyone. Chances are you’ll never meet the love of your life if you act this way.
You’ll have a bunch of random people who think you’re somewhat okay, but who won’t call you first if something good happens to them.
4. You’ll be surrounded by people who truly care about you
Some people aren’t true to themselves and they alter their personality to gain everyone’s approval. Those types of people aren’t satisfied with their own lives, so they seek validation from others.
On the other hand, there are also people who don’t give a damn if they’re going to pick up some haters because they know they’ll be surrounded by those who truly care about them.
That’s why it’s alright that not everyone is going to like you. Be yourself and you’ll attract those who genuinely love you.
5. It means you’re being genuine
A lot of time people pretend to be someone they’re not just to please others and be accepted by them. They’re afraid that if they show their true colors, they’ll be alone and lonely.
But what’s the point in being surrounded by people who don’t mean you well? Is it really better to have dozens of acquaintances or one friend who will always be by your side?
The answer is pretty obvious, but the only way you’ll be able to attract those real friends is when you’re being genuine.
If people take offense easily by what you say or do, usually it’s just a case of you being honest and true to your personality. You don’t hold anything back, and those who appreciate that will sense your energy and be drawn to it.
6. You’re able to express your thoughts freely
If you really want to express your appreciation for someone, then you can do that by listening to them without judging.
And even though you deserve to be treated the same way, you won’t always get it. That’s because people form opinions about you as you speak.
Usually, many don’t listen to what you have to say since they are self-absorbed and sometimes even a bit narcissistic. But that shouldn’t stop you from expressing your emotions and needs.
Their words may hurt, but you have to get over it and let them hear what’s on your mind. Choose your words carefully and don’t overstep anyone’s boundaries, but be fearless at the same time.
You only live once, so don’t be afraid to let others know what you want. God’s given you the ability to speak for a reason.
7. You can use your time wisely
Many people whose goal is to be liked by everyone are working so hard to be there for them that they don’t have any time for themselves.
Their only goal is to keep everyone happy because that’s their only way to be happy too. Yet, being sometimes unavailable doesn’t mean you’re selfish at all.
Chances are that you’re doing something productive to be better with each new day, and you don’t worry what others may think about you.
That’s why it’s alright that not everyone must like you. Those who care about you will understand that you need time for yourself – they won’t try to take it from you.
8. You can inspire others
I’m sure you know someone who seems as if they’re unbeatable and that every obstacle they face, they come out as winners. And I’m certain that you’ve asked yourself how they do that.
Well, the thing is they don’t really care about what other people think about them. They know what their end goal is and they won’t stop at anything until they achieve it.
And that’s exactly why you shouldn’t be bothered that not everyone is going to like you.
Just be yourself and let others judge you if that’s what they really want to do. By showing your true colors all the time and fighting against all odds, you’re going to inspire other people as well.
9. You can’t please everyone
I assume you haven’t made a physical list of all the people you’re trying to impress and who you’re obsessed with. After all, you can’t please everyone – there will always be people who’ll not like you for their own reasons.
That means you have the opportunity to be yourself and enjoy your life to the fullest. There’s no point in trying to please everyone because not everyone is the same.
10. It’s easier for you to find like-minded people
As I mentioned earlier, we all strive to belong somewhere. It’s not in our human nature to be alone and walk through this life by ourselves. We search for people who are like-minded because we feel that they will understand us.
So, when you accept the fact that not everyone is going to like you, those who resent you will quickly disappear from your life. You’ll get rid of any kind of toxicity that was preventing you from reaching your true potential.
On the other hand, those who are on your wavelength will stay by your side and you’ll form a little “tribe.” That kind of belonging will set you free and you’ll discover yourself more deeply.
How to stop caring about other’s opinions
Perhaps I convinced you that you shouldn’t worry about what other people think about you, but you still don’t know how to go about doing that.
Hearing that someone might hate you for something is a tough pill to swallow. You may even begin to self-doubt. But not caring about others’ opinions is the right step toward keeping your mental health in check.
It’s not impossible to reach that level of freedom, but it certainly takes a lot of work and patience on your end. There are steps that you can take to get back to a healthier relationship with yourself and others.
1. Stop criticizing others
If you wish not to be bothered too much about others criticizing you, you must do whatever you can to stop criticizing them.
Rise above that behavior yourself if your goal is to not care that much what other people think about you. Only then will you be able to see how juvenile it is to judge others by the way they speak or dress.
You never know what the other person is going through. You must put yourself in their shoes and see things from their perspective if you ever wish to understand them better.
Then, if they still don’t like you for some unknown reason, that’s their problem and not yours.
2. Keep things in perspective
Let’s be honest here for a second and admit others aren’t that preoccupied with us – everyone is fighting their own demons and insecurities.
Truthfully, people have already got a lot on their plate. Forget about whether or not someone likes you because chances are that they aren’t even thinking about you.
Or perhaps they’re asking themselves the same thing, which is especially true if you’ve just met them.
They’re analyzing you the same way you’re analyzing them. And if it turns out that they don’t like you, then don’t be worried. Just carry on with your life as if nothing ever happened.
Just be yourself and let others have their own opinions about you. After all, you know how much you’re worth.
3. Reanalyze your values
It’s fairly easy to get swayed by the opinions of others because we fail to recognize our own beliefs, values, and principles.
If you really don’t want to be disturbed by what others think about you, and you want to live freely, then take some time to reanalyze things that are important to you.
Identify your priorities and what makes you get out of bed in the morning. It would be good to think about your past relationships as well and why they didn’t work out.
Perhaps you value freedom above anything and you don’t want a partner who is clingy or needy in any way. Maybe self-love is a top value for you, while others don’t think the same way as you do.
Don’t forget to take it easy and don’t judge yourself for your values. Your right to stick by your principles is just as valid as anyone else’s.
4. Speak your truth
Your goal is to stand firm in your beliefs and opinions whenever you engage in conversation with friends or coworkers. As I said earlier, you have the right to speak your mind and no one can take that from you.
I understand that you’re tempted to back down if someone confronts you, especially if it’s someone who is close to your heart. You don’t want them to think bad about you, but you have to speak your truth. Keep in mind that not every conversation or exchange of opinions will lead to conflict or you not being liked.
When you finally gather the courage to speak what’s on your mind, you’ll begin to gain confidence and improve your self-esteem. Don’t forget that your opinion matters as well.
Furthermore, others will start to appreciate and respect you for not being fake. You can gain so much by being yourself, but not everyone possesses the strength to achieve that.
5. Take minor risks
Many people are afraid of taking risks because they’re scared of being judged. They hide in their shell and don’t ever reach their full potential.
So, let me ask you this: Are you ready to live your entire life like those people? If not, then you need to start taking risks that you usually wouldn’t take because of your fear of what others would think.
Perhaps you can volunteer to dance at a show, or change your outfit and wear something edgy. Whatever you decide to do, just be brave and take the bull by its horns.
Eventually, those minor risks will teach you to disregard your fear of rejection and judgment. You’ll feel liberated from your mental shackles.
The only way you can grow as a person is to get out of your comfort zone. You can’t expect to evolve if you don’t get out and do things that challenge and scare you.
That uncertainty will push you to be braver and not care so much that everyone should like you.
6. Focus on things that make you unique
If you wish to boost your self-confidence, then try focusing on things that make you stand out. Perhaps you’re embarrassed about your guitar skills or afraid to hit the gym because others may judge your physical appearance.
But rather than focusing on those negative things, think about how these attributes make up your identity. After some time, you won’t care that someone is looking at you while you’re working out or hears you strumming a song, and says that you don’t know what you’re doing.
Be daring to follow your dreams and passions and do whatever it is that makes you happy. Sooner or later, everything else will fall into place.
7. Take everything with a grain of salt
Even though it’s important that you stay open-minded and listen to what others have to say, sometimes it’s for the best to just tune out and focus on yourself.
If you take the opinions of others too much to heart, you’ll constantly be depressed and question your every decision and belief.
Not everyone shares the same lifestyle and ideology as you, and while they’re entitled to speak from their own experience, you have to take everything with a grain (or whole bucket) of salt. Don’t believe in everything they say but don’t completely dismiss their opinion either.
8. Be your own best friend
The reality is that some people will like you and others won’t, no matter what you do. So, if you’re unable to make a connection with someone, don’t dwell on it too much. Instead, focus on the steps you can make that’ll bring you closer to being the kind of person you want to be.
The most important relationship that you can have is the one with yourself. Even if everyone leaves you and judges your decisions, go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back and move on.
You’re stuck with yourself for life, so why not be your own best friend!
9. Accept your good and bad
We’ve already established that not everyone is going to like you. Then, why are you so hard on yourself?
If you want to stop caring about what others think about you, you need to give yourself permission to make mistakes every once in a while.
Embrace all of your qualities, the good and the bad, because they’re all essential to your identity. After all, who can say that what you did was wrong if it felt right in your heart?
In the end, some people are not meant to stay in your life. So, don’t let others get in your head. Stick to your values.