Is there something wrong with me when no one wants to date me?
A lot of people ask themselves that at some point… It’s a frustrating issue that can really make you feel bad about yourself.
You don’t have to let it get to you though.
Don’t give up on the search for true love just because you feel like you’re undateable. The truth is, you’re not, and the situation you’re in is only temporary.
Yes, right now, you’re not dating anyone, but it’s not going to be like that forever. This is especially true if you decide to work on yourself and fix the things that might be causing your problem.
When you say, “No one wants to date me,” ask yourself how you even came to this conclusion.
Did you have feelings for someone who did not reciprocate them? Has someone rejected you or just wanted to use you?
Maybe you got rejected a few times lately, but it’s not a reason to think that you’re undateable. You just haven’t met the right person, and I know that sounds like a total cliché, but it’s true.
Don’t give up on love just because you had some bad experiences. We’ve all had them, and yet somehow, we all eventually end up with the person we’re meant to be with.
Maybe you dated someone just to find out that they were seeing someone else at the same time. Don’t start thinking that you’re going to be single forever just because you met some jerk who’s not even worthy of you.
If your thought that no one wants to date you doesn’t stem from such experiences, but you actually feel lonely, why is that so?
Perhaps you just haven’t been on a date in ages. You’d want nothing more than to meet someone new and see if you can hit it off, but there’s no one around.
You try mingling at parties, meeting new people who have the same interests you do, chatting on dating apps. Yet you end up convinced that no one wants to date you because no one makes a move on you.
Why doesn’t anyone ask me out? Is there something wrong with the way I talk or how I look?
Don’t even think that! You’re perfectly fine, and the reason you haven’t been dating anyone lately isn’t in the way you talk or look.
There might be a problem that makes you seem undateable though.
Maybe you are in a bad place right now and you’re giving off a negative vibe, which can push new people away. So there might be something you could work on about yourself.
People are attracted to those with a positive attitude and who radiate confidence. If you’ve been feeling bad about yourself, others might have sensed it.
Since they don’t know you well enough to realize how amazing you actually are, they simply pull away from any negativity. The same goes if you’ve been acting desperate and needy.
Perhaps you haven’t yet recovered from your past relationship. I know I was thinking that no one wanted to date me when I broke up with my ex…
As it turns out, people aren’t that interested in those who can’t stop talking about their ex lover. Can you blame them?
Whatever your problem is, I’m going to tell you the most common reasons people become undateable. If you’ve had no luck in your love life for a while now, you can do something about it, and I’ll show you how.
Let me just first tell you that just because someone doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t like you. You can like someone and still hesitate to date them for some reason.
What could that reason be? You’re about to find out, but try to not want a relationship so badly.
You don’t want to settle for the first person who agrees to date you. Trust me, once you figure out the problem and fix it, there’ll be men lining up to date you.
Don’t let your loneliness make you settle for someone who doesn’t make you feel loved and cared for. As I said, the right person is out there, so let’s get to the bottom of this and work on fixing the issue.
5 Reasons Why No One Wants To Date You
1. You’re too picky
Some people can’t find a date simply because they’re too picky. Whenever they’re after something (or someone), they are in “go big or go home” mode.
They want the best of the best and don’t settle for anything less. Of course, you shouldn’t settle, but think about your expectations and how realistic they are.
Love is not just about what someone can offer you, and it’s something that grows with time.
A lot of people have also become very materialistic.
For instance, a woman might be on the lookout for only wealthy men. Maybe you don’t care about your potential partner’s money, but are you expecting someone handsome, rich, funny, intelligent, and charming?
Does the person you’ll consider dating have to have it all or else you won’t even acknowledge him? Don’t keep thinking no one wants to date you if there are plenty who you’ve never given a chance.
Maybe you’ve been on several first dates. You never went on second ones because each person wasn’t who you imagined for yourself.
They might have even asked you out again. You turned them down because they didn’t fulfill your high expectations.
My point is, you should definitely reconsider your dating checklist if no one can pass it. Naturally, you should reject those you don’t like, but can you really know from only one date?
Women especially often stay single because the men they meet aren’t the men they’re after… But what are they after and is it even realistic?
Maybe you stay away from all guys who drive a certain car because your ex drove that car. This is just a silly example, but things like that actually happen.
You might reject someone based on their hair color, posture, or their sweaty palms. When you start doing this, you tend to keep it up and just search for a reason to reject someone.
Once it goes on for a while, you come to the conclusion that you shouldn’t date anyone. There aren’t any good men out there anyway, right?
Yes, you should definitely have standards, but don’t make them impossible to achieve. Stay flexible – the perfect person for you might not be who you imagine them to be.
Plus, no one’s perfect anyway. Maybe you don’t like a person’s appearance or their career, but these things don’t define who they are.
These are situational things and they can always change. Maybe they don’t feel like looking their best right now and they’re working on changing their career path.
If not now, it could happen sometime in the future, so don’t judge them because of their job and their looks. They might be a lovely, caring person, but your impossible standards are preventing you from noticing that.
The solution? Try coming up with five attributes you want in a partner and not one more.
Choose the things that mean the most to you and don’t include things like annual income or thick hair. While these things may seem important, they shouldn’t determine who a person is and who you aren’t going to give a chance to.
Don’t be too quick to judge them either. The person you end up with will change and grow with you during your relationship.
They aren’t going to be the same person you’ll meet on your first date. The important thing is that your personalities and core values match.
To know whether they do though, you will need to get to know each other better.
If you instead keep searching for a perfect person, you might lose your chance with someone who’d be perfect for you.
Keep an open mind and try to overlook some flaws that you notice if they’re not the ultimate dealbreakers. The person you don’t fall for instantly might surprise you and make you love them for the rest of your life.
2. You’re not trying to improve yourself
When I was in a really bad place, I thought that no one wanted to date me. Instead of trying to be the best possible version of myself, I was a wreck and just wallowed in self-pity.
Now that I think back, I’m not surprised that no one wanted to date me in a state like that! How could I have expected a perfect man while I was so messed up and negative?
The thing is, we attract the same type of people that we are. If you’re a mess, you’ll most likely attract those who are equally broken.
They say that two broken hearts don’t make a whole, and they’re so right. You want a high-value person to date you, but it’s impossible if you aren’t aware of your worth.
Instead, you will find someone equally broken and, with time, you’ll be okay with it. Should you though?
Work on yourself while you’re single and improve your odds of attracting a high-value partner.
Maybe your emotions are in chaos and you live in fear that the person you fall for is going to hurt you. This is because you’re trying to save your heart from getting hurt again, but all you’re doing is just pushing people away.
Before developing the kind of relationship you want, you need to learn to process your emotions and keep them in check.
Don’t get involved with someone just for the sake of being in a relationship, even if your family or friends are practically forcing you. When you enter a relationship, you need to do it for the right reasons.
You also need to learn how to make yourself happy when you’re single and lonely.
Eliminate the hurt feelings that your past relationships left you. You don’t want them to interfere with your new one.
Work on your self-esteem too. And once you’re confident enough, you’ll attract high-value people into your life.
How can you know whether you really need to improve yourself? It’s simple really, you just need to ask yourself whether you’d date yourself.
If not, why? The answer to this question can help you realize what exactly you need to work on.
Until you can say that you would, work on those little imperfections. No one is perfect, but small flaws are fixable and you can improve your odds of finding the love you truly deserve.
Think about the qualities your ideal partner should have. Do you have the same ones?
You need to have similar qualities as the person you’re trying to manifest. If you want a partner who is kind and confident, you need to become kind and confident too.
Never stop working on yourself because it will improve other aspects of your life as well, not just your love life. You deserve to feel good in your own skin and, once you do, other people will sense that and be attracted to it.
3. You still have feelings for your ex
Be honest, do you still have feelings for your ex? You can’t be ready for a new relationship if you’re not really done with your old one yet.
Maybe your ex even hurt you so badly that it could influence and ruin any new relationship. Breakups should be taken seriously because they sometimes leave deep scars that affect our love life.
How long has it been since you broke up with your ex? Maybe you think that it’s been long enough, but it took me more than a year to truly get over my ex.
How long were you in a relationship with your ex? They say that it takes half that time to truly move on and get over them.
Time is not enough to heal your wound, though. You have to make a conscious effort to finally end the relationship, no matter how long it’s been since the breakup.
Your ex might still be a part of your love life, leaving no room for someone else to walk in and sweep you off your feet.
Even if you don’t talk to him anymore, if you still have feelings for him, it might be the reason you’re not dating anyone yet.
Maybe your new potential partners can sense that you’re not over your ex or you even sabotage yourself. You might purposely put yourself in a situation where no one wants to date you because you’re still hoping your ex will.
It’s also important not to let your past relationship make you think that all men are the same. They aren’t, and thinking that way is bad for you and your love life.
Think about why you and your ex broke up as well. If it was something you did, try to apologize and make amends.
Maybe it was their fault instead, and in that case, try to forgive them. Write a letter to them, say goodbye in it, put it somewhere safe, and finally get some closure.
4. Your fears sabotage you
Do you have any fears that are causing you to sabotage yourself in your love life? Perhaps your ex cheated on you and now you expect everyone new you date to do the same.
You see betrayal everywhere and you actually want to see the signs you’re being cheated on. This way, you are causing these things to happen.
When we expect something to happen and constantly fear it will, we even cause it.
Also, your expectations determine the way you act, and your behavior attracts a certain type of person.
You need to deal with your fears before you get involved with someone new. Don’t cause the new relationship to fail for the same reason your last one did.
This doesn’t happen because all men are the same. It happens because you invite it into your reality by fearing it and expecting it to manifest.
Try to always hope for the best possible outcome instead. If you have any trust issues, deal with them before getting involved with a new romantic interest.
Eliminate all negativity from your life and try to have a more positive attitude.
I try to help myself do this by writing in a diary, but I write down only the things I know will make me feel happy when I read them later. Writing down what I’m grateful for, what I’ve achieved, and what I aim to achieve has become my habit, and I highly recommend it.
By keeping a journal, I don’t focus so much on the negative and I help my future self feel good too.
5. You don’t put yourself out there
Last but not least, there are likely plenty of people who would be interested in dating you, they just don’t know you! Maybe you have low self-esteem and think that no one would want to date you, but have you put yourself out there?
These days, everyone uses dating apps and it’s a great way to meet new people and chat. You can also meet new people on social media and other platforms where you can connect with others.
You might not even need to use the internet to meet someone.
Are there some new hobbies that you could try? You might meet someone who has the same interests you do, and that’s a great starting point.
Do your friends know that you are interested in jumping into the dating pool? Let them know because, who knows, your friend might introduce you to someone they know.
You don’t have to get into a relationship. As long as you keep meeting new people, you’ll realize that there are those who’d date you.
Don’t rush into anything though, because you don’t want to settle out of loneliness.
If you still need to work on yourself or get over your ex, try to be happy being single before getting involved with someone.
Don’t hesitate to flirt, though – it will boost your self-esteem. Maybe it will even lead to something more, but take things slow and get to know your date.
Ultimately, it’s not true that no one wants to date you, you just haven’t yet met the person who does. Maybe you even have but you didn’t realize that they like you and they haven’t asked you out.
You might have dated bad boys and it made you think that all men are the same. You will learn that that’s not true when you date a nice guy.
When you meet him, look for signs he wants to date you and if all works out, you won’t be lonely anymore! Until then, try not to feel bad about flying solo.
After all, being single means that you’re not prepared to settle because it’d be worse to be stuck in a bad relationship. This way, you’ll be available when the right person does come along.
That person might be an understanding guy that an overthinking girl needs, or a caring girl a broken guy needs. Either way, your perfect match is out there, so go on and let them find you!
Always know that there are people who’d want to date you, even if you don’t know them yet. One of them is the person you’re meant to end up with, but you have to be ready to meet them.
So, don’t be overly picky or let fear sabotage your chance at happiness. Improve yourself, get over your ex, and put yourself out there!
You got this!
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