We’ve all had our share of forced interactions. Calculating our worth by the number of people we somehow talked into going out with us. Pretending to be someone else so that we can impress that same number of people with our erroneous narrative. Word of advice: Never force anyone to talk to you.
Remember the fake smiling you had to endure to make someone less uncomfortable with your dark humor. Remember the awkward silence you had to overcome when you approached your crush with a “So, umm, do you like music?” and dipped the moment he looked at you.
Forced conversations pretty much never end with you walking into the sunset with the man (or woman) of your dreams. Nine times out of ten, they end with you regretting your decision to say anything in the first place. With you trying to think of something that could get you out of an uncomfortable situation.
Who’s the person that woke up one day and thought “We should force communication with each other and waste our valuable time trying to convince the other person we’re worth the effort”? Who’s the person that thought “Talking about the weather seems better than not talking at all”?
With that (clearly annoyed and agitated) rant out of the way, let’s circle back to the fact that you should never force anyone to talk to you. You might think that’s a great way to get to know someone or bond with someone, but it’s not.
You’re better off spending your time with a person that’s equally enticed to spend their time with you, too. You‘re better off forming healthy relationships with people based on your personality and individuality, rather than making the extra effort to have someone label you creepy. Yikes!
Why you should NEVER force anyone to talk to you
Repeat after me: Whether or not someone wants to talk to you doesn’t determine your self-worth!
There’s no way out of falling into a bottomless pit of despair other than accepting the fact that not everybody wants to talk to you. And you know what? That’s completely fine.
You wouldn’t want to surround yourself with people who don’t want to be there for you, would you? So, why would you want to force anyone to talk to you? Why would you want to force a friendship? Or a romantic relationship, for that matter?
Trust me, there are so many reasons you should never force anyone to talk to you that we’d be here all day covering every single one.
So, do me a favor. Forget everything social media‘s told you about having as many people in your life as humanly possible. Forget everything your family members have told you about settling down, getting into a serious relationship, and getting married ASAP.
Forced conversations can only bring you forced relationships, forced happiness, and a life filled with forced attempts at pleasing someone who‘s never going to be pleased with you. On the off chance that wasn‘t convincing enough, here are a couple of reasons you should take this advice.
1. You’re wasting your time
You might think you’re doing yourself a favor when you’re actively trying to get someone to give you their time of the day.
“Oh, I need him to respond to my messages and he’ll see what a catch I am in no time!” Or “I’m one hundred percent sure she would like me if she just gave me a chance and went out on a date with me.” Or my personal favorite “He hasn’t returned my calls in three days. He’s probably just busy.”
You have to face the fact that you’re only wasting your time on people who clearly aren’t interested in you. Whether you’re trying to meet new people or start a romance, there’s no point where harassing someone becomes acceptable.
There are better things you could be doing right now instead of wasting your energy on a guy that may or may not ask you out on a date. There are other ways you could achieve your goals – start a hobby, travel to a new place, or ask your loved ones for advice.
Sure, there might be something appealing about the “I’m going to be spontaneous and talk to every single person at this party – somebody HAS to like me” mindset.
But, that’s not to say that you should waste your time trying to convince people you’re smart enough, interesting enough, and… good enough. So no, don’t ever force anyone to talk to you. They know where to find you if they change their mind.
2. You’re making yourself appear desperate
“Louder for the people in the back!” Truth hurts (thank you, Lizzo). But, there are times when the truth can make your life so much easier, you’d give everything you have for someone to straight up say “You’re making a fool out of yourself.”
So, why should you never force anyone to talk to you EVER AGAIN? Because you’re making yourself look desperate. You’re making yourself seem like the kind of person who would hear “you’re creepy” and say “thank you.”
And yes, you’re making yourself seem like someone no one wants to have a conversation with. A conversation has to be a two-way street, right? You can’t have one when you’re the one talking the entire time. You certainly can’t have one when you’re making the other person feel attacked.
“Hey, how are you? My name‘s Jasmine!“
“Don’t you want to give me your name?”
“Yeah, I’m actually waiting for someone…”
“That’s great, we can totally wait together! How about you tell me your name so we can get to know each other better?”
“Oh, I’m not sure about that…”
Do you see what we’re talking about? You have to admit this entire conversation seems PAINFULLY CRINGE only because Jasmine’s clearly trying to force a conversation with someone who isn’t interested whatsoever.
Now imagine what this conversation would sound like IRL. And just like that, you will never force anyone to talk to you ever again.
3. You’re giving them the power
What does a healthy relationship look like? And what does healthy communication look like? I’m placing bets that you wouldn’t describe either of these things as forced or coerced. And that neither of these things would cost you your mental health.
But, force-talking with someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart can leave you feeling vulnerable, weak, and utterly helpless. Forced communication with someone who’s aware of the power you’re giving them can leave you rotting away in a toxic relationship.
Trust me, there are way too many people who would notice your attempts to talk to them and think to themselves ”Oh, she’s obsessed with me! Nice, she’ll probably do anything to go out with me.” And, trust me, you don’t want to give those kinds of people the power to hurt you.
Give people space to show you they’re worth the effort you’re putting into talking to them. Give them the reason to respect your hustle and admire your persistence (rather than condemn your obtrusion).
4. You’re bound to break your own heart
That’s right, the more you try to get closer to someone, the more they slip right out of your fingers. You can’t force your way into someone’s heart – and you certainly can‘t charm your way out of a restraining order (right!?)
So, you’re bound to break your own heart trying to force someone to talk to you because you can’t deal with the fact that you’ve been refused. You’re bound to break your own heart because you can’t stop overthinking every look, word, and smile exchanged.
And here’s the thing no one warns you about – heartbreak is an inside job more times than not. When you think about it, you’re the one creating fake scenarios while you’re lying in bed trying to fall asleep.
You’re the one pushing the boundaries and blurring the lines of what’s acceptable and what’s not. And you’re the one chasing people away with your “He hasn’t texted me in a couple of hours, he’s probably sick of me” and “Let me send him another ten messages to check whether he’s home.”
Now, realize that there’s nothing wrong with being alone and spending time with yourself. Accept this “never force anyone to talk to you” narrative. Trust me, there’s nothing wrong with giving people space to miss you and contact you on their terms (while you’re living your best life without them).
5. You’re on the verge of emotional abuse
“She‘s everywhere around me, she keeps sending me messages although she never receives anything back from me, and she keeps acting as if we’re together. She’s a psycho!” You might have recognized a little bit of yourself in those words. And, you might have sensed that feeling of “Oops, I might have messed up!”
There’s nothing wrong with that as long as you recognize your mistakes. You’re not the only one who gets carried away with their emotions and desires and does something out of the ordinary. You’re not the only one who gets obsessed with someone and tries to get their attention.
But, the moment you see someone’s uncomfortable with your attempts and advances, you’re supposed to give up and move on. Not continue harassing them and trying to change their mind. Trust me, you’re not going to change their mind.
We’ve witnessed society teaching young boys “Oh, when she says no, she’s just trying to get you to try harder,” or “She’s just playing hard to get.” But, we’ve grown to understand that these things aren’t true and that we’re making people miserable by expecting them to react this way.
Stop for one moment and think about the way you’ve been trying to gain people’s attention. Then put yourself in their shoes – you’d never want to have someone forcing you to talk with them.
6. You deserve better
You sure do! Whoever told you that you needed to force people to talk to you made a big mistake. Whoever made you feel like you’re not good enough for people to fight for your attention made a fool out of themselves.
Trust me, you’re the one who’s supposed to take your life into your own hands. You don’t need a man or a woman to “pump you up“ (thanks again for that one, Lizzo). You don’t need a man or a woman to make you feel better about yourself and validate your attempts to have a conversation.
Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. Don’t settle for a superficial conversation with someone who clearly doesn’t want to talk to you – that’s totally fine, remember? And don’t settle for a person who doesn’t worship the ground you walk on.
Simply walk away from anyone who doesn’t appreciate your company and conversation.
“Never force anyone to talk to you” quotes you can use whenever you’re feeling down
What better way to deal with what you’re going through than to relate to other people who have gone through the same thing? Words have a way of healing your wounds and making you feel like everything’s going to be fine.
Maybe you need more convincing and you’re looking for something tangible to show you that you’re making a mistake by forcing people to talk to you. So, here are some relationship quotes you can turn to whenever you’re in need of a push in the right direction.
1. “The moment you feel you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment to absolutely and utterly walk away.” – Alysia Harris
2. “Don’t force anyone to talk about how they are feeling or to tell you something. Just give them their space and time, and if they feel like telling you, then they will tell you on their own.” – Neha Maurya
3. “Trust yourself and walk away from situations and people that don’t have your best interest at heart.” – Ben Ruston
4. “The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.” – Ernest Hemingway
5. “You will never gain anyone’s approval by begging for it. When you stand confident in your own worth, respect follows.” – Mandy Hale
6. “Never chase a person that doesn’t know your worth because the moment you catch him you will always feel you were never good enough.” – Shannon L. Alder
7. “You can’t force someone to keep their word, or to communicate, or to realize that something special is in front of them.” – Keyshia Cole
8. “You can’t force raging water to be calm. You have to leave it alone and let it return to its natural flow. Emotions are the same way.” – Thibaut
9. “In life don’t force anyone to talk to you… And don’t neglect anyone who always wants to talk to you.” – Asmita
10. “You won if you walked away from a toxic, negative, abusive, one-sided, dead-end low vibrational relationship or friendship.” – Lalah Delia
11. “I would say that if you don’t feel like talking to the crowd, something is wrong, and if you force yourself to talk to them, things will happen and to that extent, things aren’t choreographed.” – Leo Kottke
12. “Do your best, then adopt a ‘whatever happens, happens’ mindset. Don’t try to force things. Just let go and allow the right blessings to flow.” – Marcandangel
13. “The more you try to impress, the more you become depressed, and the more they get tired of your coercion. It doesn’t make them love you, instead, they’ll see you as a little child, trying to draw a senseless picture on a piece of paper, begging people to look at it and admire it by force. You can persuade someone to look at your face, but you can’t persuade them to see the beauty therein.” – Michael Bassey Johnson
14. “I realized that there was no point or sense in chasing after happiness that had perished.” – Mikhail Lermontov
15. “I don’t force it. If you don’t have an idea and you don’t hear anything going over and over in your head, don’t sit down and try to write a song. You know, go mow the lawn… My songs speak for themselves.” – Neil Young
17. “If it comes, let it come. If it stays, let it stay. And, if it goes, let it go.” – Nicholas Sparks
18. “If they don’t chase you when you walk away… Keep walking!” – Nitya Prakash
19. ”Learn to walk away from the arms where you don’t belong before you end up suffocating there.” – Sai Pradeep
20. “Every woman that finally figured out her worth has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.” – Shannon L. Alder
21. “There are people who can walk away from you… let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you… Your destiny is never tied to anybody.” – TD Jakes