Being in a toxic relationship can take its toll on you. It’s a constant feeling of stress and anxiety; and once you break things off, you end up exhausted.
Even if departures are hard, sometimes the part that comes after it can be a lot more difficult. You will catch yourself thinking about whether you should’ve stayed or done something differently. Don’t, just don’t.
The first major step is noticing and admitting to yourself that you were involved in a toxic relationship. Once you grasp the fact that the person you’re dating is no good for you, that’s where your journey begins.
There’s nothing you could’ve done to change that person and in the process, you’d likely end up losing yourself. I know how toxic relationships work, unfortunately.
Whatever you try to do, you can’t make it right. No matter how hard you fight for love, he will still be the person he chose to be. Don’t forget that it’s not something he was born with, it’s a personal preference.
So, why would you waste your time, patience, and tears on someone who doesn’t want to change? Keep all of this in mind once you start questioning your decision.
Once you see that this isn’t going anywhere, you’ll be able to understand that you need to put yourself first. Never apologize for loving yourself more than your toxic ex because he was the one who should’ve loved you in the first place.
You may even start blaming yourself because you didn’t notice your ex-boyfriend was showing his real face, but please don’t. It happens, and there are different easy-to-miss signs your relationship was toxic.
However, it’s not an easy task to forget someone you’ve spent so much time with and shared your life with. You feel like you’re missing a part of yourself which I completely understand.
It may seem like: if you tried to love him more, things could’ve been different. Don’t deceive yourself, because those things happen only in fairy tales – and we both know life isn’t one. So, stop feeling bad about choosing yourself over him, because he’s simply not worth it.
You might’ve missed the signs he was a toxic boyfriend, so what? That’s no reason to beat yourself up. Giving second chances to people like those won’t do you any good. In fact, you might get yourself in a lot more trouble than you already are.
It’s important to keep your head cool and try to compose yourself. Go outside, meet new people, start a new hobby, whatever makes you feel better. Always, and I mean ALWAYS apply the no-contact rule.
This way, you’ll steer clear of him and those painful memories. You’re minimizing the chances of him reaching out to you over again, which would only end up in a disaster.
When someone’s toxic, they’ll try to keep you by their side for as long as they need. If he seems to attempt to win you back over, don’t give in.
Your ex will try to play the victim because that’s what toxic people do. He will try to invoke the feeling of blame in you and he will know when you’re most fragile.
Even if you begin to feel guilty, you should know that the only guilt you’re allowed to feel should stem from not leaving him earlier.
Once you get closure and you stop hearing from him, you may think you’re out of the woods. Wrong! You’ve not reached the road to recovery quite yet.
Don’t feel discouraged because this will be a healing and mending process. It’s supposed to help you understand yourself better and make yourself a priority.
It’s never easy carrying the weight of being the one who ended things, especially when your ex wants you to regret your decision. However, don’t forget that he’s the one who’s responsible for the breakup. He may call you selfish when you’re only making yourself a priority.
Don’t let any of these things get in your head. Everything’s going to be fine, but you need to take some time for yourself. Learn how to love yourself by doing what you love the most. You can go shopping, start volunteering, try out new things, anything that suits you.
Make the best out of your new life and don’t regret it. You’re doing it for your own sake and there’s nothing wrong with that. If he didn’t want to appreciate your love then you’re going to shower yourself with it.
Also, don’t think about the time spent with your ex as wasted. Instead, try to learn something from your toxic relationship. You might be more cautious around people afterward, but this doesn’t mean you won’t be able to date again.
However, before you learn to love another person again, you must learn to love yourself. You’re the only person that’s always going to be by your side, so if you don’t pay attention to yourself, who’s going to? Yes, you have family and friends, and you’ll have a new lover, but you’re the truest friend you have.
Therefore, don’t drag yourself down thinking of other possible ways things could’ve ended. Sure, you loved him, but that’s not something he was looking for. Toxic boyfriends can crawl their way under your skin without you realizing it.
This is why they say that love is blind. You weren’t seeing all the red flags in your relationship. You’ve spent all of your love on him without getting anything in return. Constant work and putting effort in wore you out and even made you think of yourself as “unlovable”.
Your self-confidence may even be ruined after this rollercoaster of emotions. Whatever the case might be, remember that the only person who deserves you to fight for them is yourself.
Therefore, once you get through this period, you’ll come out stronger than ever. You can either be your number one supporter or your worst enemy. It’s up to you to decide how are things going to take a turn. Whatever you do, never apologize for loving yourself more than your ex.