We all know that love is a two-way street and you can only have a successful relationship if both partners put in an equal amount of effort. So, how do you know whether the things that you’re experiencing right now are a narcissistic illusion or real love?
How can you be sure that your boyfriend genuinely loves you and isn’t hesitant to marry you someday? Can you be sure that he’s not a narcissist in disguise who’s only using you to boost his ego?
The thing is that narcissists don’t perceive love the same way other people do. For them, love is just a tool that gives them an opportunity to lure another victim into their web of lies, manipulation, and fake promises.
They don’t possess enough emotional capacity to feel as profoundly and deeply as we do. It’s easy for them to pretend they’re someone they’re not and most of them develop that skill to perfection.
That’s the scariest thing and can leave you with a scar that will take a long time to heal. I know that it’s awful that you have to be careful not to fall into their trap.
After all, shouldn’t real love be easy and something that occurs naturally? Well, the answer is yes but in today’s dating world, many guys have commitment issues and they’re afraid to let you in.
Saying, “I love you,” lost its real meaning and many narcissists actually use those three words to manipulate you to believe they want what’s best for you. And knowing that you’ve fallen for a narcissist’s fake words can be extremely discouraging and force you to believe that real love doesn’t exist.
That’s why I’ll list four ways to know whether he’s the real deal or just a narcissist.
1. A partner who loves you will never make you choose between your loved ones and him
If he genuinely loves you, then he will never force you to choose between spending time with him or your family and friends. A real man who cares about you would never do that.
Instead, he would accept those who are closest to you and consider them a part of his inner circle. It would be his pleasure to do that.
On the other hand, a narcissist will want you all to himself and would even threaten to leave you if you ever decided to spend more time with your loved ones than him. A relationship with a man like that is excruciating, as you slowly lose touch with those closest to you.
He’ll do anything he can to make you believe you don’t need those people in the first place. He would go to extremes and slowly alienate you from your support system.
Perhaps by the time he’s done, you’ll think that he’s the only one you’ll ever need but deep down, you know that’s not true. His ultimate goal is to turn you into his possession, someone who provides him with all the attention he needs.
2. A man who loves you will treat you as his equal
If his love for you is real and not an illusion, then he’ll consider you as an equal. He would never try to belittle you or make you feel like you’re worthless.
Your relationship would thrive on your mutual effort and love and he would never take you for granted. But if you fail to see all the red flags that he’s a narcissist in disguise and stay in a relationship with him, then he’ll be the one in control and not you.
He’ll make all the decisions for you and you’ll always feel like you’re not enough. He’ll have the upper hand and not you.
But deep down, you’ll know you’re being played by a narcissistic coward. He’ll try to blame you for everything bad that happens in your relationship and when times get tough, his words and actions will be the only things that matter.
3. A partner who loves you will never force you to do things that make you feel uncomfortable
A real man who loves you will definitely respect your wishes and won’t ask things from you that make you feel uncomfortable. You won’t have to worry that he may upset you or make you feel uneasy because you know he cares about your feelings.
On the flip side, if your love is an illusion, then he’ll do whatever he wants and make you believe that’s what you want as well. He’ll use any manipulative trick and convince you to believe him.
Living in an illusion can slowly start to make you feel sick. Your gut will be telling you that the way he treats you is not okay but it’ll be hard to leave a man like that.
4. A man who loves you will always treat you well
When one person represents your entire world, you treat them kindly and the way they feel is important to you. You want them to feel good about themselves and you’d do anything to preserve their happiness and well-being.
But living in an illusion feels different and scary. A narcissistic man will pretend he’s doing something for your own good but he won’t hesitate to hurt you or make you feel insignificant.
His actions won’t match his words and he’ll only prioritize himself. Even though he may seem like a kind and honest guy on the surface, his actions will be mean and degrading.