My husband wants a divorce, but I still love him. Our marriage is definitely worth saving and I can’t let go of him just like that… I really believe that he’s my soulmate, so is there anything I can do to save my marriage?
Whether he caught you by surprise or if you’ve been sensing it for some time, it can be quite scary to hear your husband say “I want a divorce.”
After all, this is a person who’s not just your life companion, but also your best friend. You’ve been through thick and thin to get here.
But somewhere along your journey, you two changed. You aren’t the same people as you used to be and maybe the spark that you had at the beginning of your relationship slowly faded away over the years.
You might be wondering what happened, but the thing is, life happened and you’ve lost the connection that you two once shared. And now that your husband is talking about divorcing you, you can’t help but wonder whether or not your marriage can be saved.
No one besides you can tell you if your marriage is salvageable. There are countless factors and many problems that could be affecting your husband’s difficult decision. You never know, it could be that he’s going through a hard time and he acted impulsively.
But before you get handed those actual divorce papers, you have time to figure out why your marriage fell apart and find a glimmer of hope that could save it.
I believe that’s not the first time you two had problems in your marriage, and marital arguments aren’t unusual. But you have to have a lot of patience and put in extra effort because results won’t happen overnight.
Marriage counseling should be your last option, but before making that decision, you must know the dos and don’ts when your husband wants a divorce but you still love him. So let’s get to it.
What you SHOULDN’T DO if your husband wants a divorce but you still love him
I understand that you’re going through a difficult time right now, but before trying to find out how to get your husband back, it’s important that you keep a cool head. If you don’t, your overall well-being and mental health will take a significant hit and you might shut down emotionally.
1. Use manipulation to win his heart back
My husband wants a divorce but I still love him, so I have the right to use anything to get him back. If you really believe this, you’re well on your way to completely fail in your mission.
Even though you’re going through a roller coaster of emotions right now, you don’t have the right to manipulate your husband in any shape or form.
You’re probably thinking that it’s your divorce so you can make your own rules, but that’s not true at all.
The hardest thing for anyone is to put themselves in other people’s shoes, but that’s exactly what you should do. Try to see things from his point of view.
Even if you don’t get to spend the rest of your life with him, that doesn’t give you the right to control or manipulate your husband (or soon-to-be ex-husband). Manipulation will only further break your already-cracked relationship.
Love is never about controlling the other person. Even if you’re saying “I love my husband,” you can’t force someone to love you back. Love is natural and organic. It isn’t something that can be manipulated in any way.
So, instead of in desperation playing mind games with him, you can always turn to your friends and ask them for a piece of advice. Share with them what’s on your heart.
Don’t ever stoop so low as to resort to plain tactics to save your marriage.
2. Call or text him way too much
Ask yourself this: How would you react if your husband or anyone for that matter calls or texts you excessively and without giving you time to properly reply?
Would you be more attracted to that person? Or would you immediately back away since they’re invading your personal space?
Well, the answer is obvious and the same applies here if your husband wants a divorce but you still love him. You can’t suffocate him with texts or calls, even if you two are on good terms.
He’s figuring out whether or not he made the right move when he started the divorce process. The last thing that he wants right now is to hear from you all day.
You need to give him space and time to think about his decision. Show that you’re compassionate and considerate of his space and not the opposite.
Have some self-respect and take a step back. Remember, phone calls will only irritate him more.
Perhaps he needs some time to cool off. After all, divorce is a huge step.
If his decision is made impulsively, giving him some alone time will allow him to consider what this means. Your chances of getting him back will significantly increase if he’s allowed the time to think about his choice.
3. Freak out
It’s tough to keep your composure if your husband wants a divorce but you still love him. That’s especially true if you have kids and you’re thinking about child support, how your children are going to receive the news, and so on.
But your behavior will have a significant impact on whether or not you’ll win your husband back.
Don’t indulge in mad drinking or partying every night – your husband will distance himself more from you when he sees how crazy you’ve become.
Don’t stalk and bash him on social media either because you’ll only look desperate in his eyes.
Your best bet is to remain cool and collected, and spend some time thinking about how to avoid the divorce proceedings.
Don’t immediately think that you’re going to end up being alone for the rest of your life and that you can’t go through the whole dating and new relationship thing again.
Every married couple has its ups and downs. Figuring how to solve issues and stay together at the same time is what actually matters.
4. Don’t try to buy back his love
In an age when everything is for sale, the one thing you can never buy is someone’s love for you. And this is especially true if your behavior is what made him think about divorcing you in the first place.
Whatever it is that you give him, no matter how extravagant or lavish the gifts are, love isn’t for sale and it will never be. That’s why you should never try to buy his love. It will only bring you more misery and nothing else.
Your goal is to reconnect with your husband and ignite the spark you once had in your marriage. That’s why you have to dig deep to find out the cause of your problems and put in the effort to make the marriage work.
Put those negative feelings aside and focus on the stuff that really counts. Try to make him feel like he used to do when the two of you were dating.
By all means, surprise him with little things that will make a difference, but don’t try to buy his love ever!
You have a lot of work to do if you want your husband back, so you better start before it’s too late.
5. Try to get him back by reminiscing about the good times you had
My husband wants a divorce but I still love him. I’ll just remind him about how happy we used to be and he’ll come back to me. Right?
He’ll never give your marriage another chance if you think this way. He already knows and remembers all the happy moments you two shared.
It’s not like they’re completely gone from his mind and he can’t remember how things once were.
Reminiscing about memories won’t do the trick if you want to get your husband back. He’ll only suffer more because he’ll realize how different things are now – and not in a good way. Your goal isn’t to make him your ex-husband, right?
Don’t send him pictures about your past or rub it in his face how happy you were. He’s well aware of it all.
As I already mentioned, giving him some alone time to figure things out by himself is your best option. Give him an opportunity to see how bleak his future is without you and he may just reconsider his decision.
6. Turn his loved ones against him
Marriage consists of two people. And so do divorce proceedings.
Your ultimate goal is to get your husband back. You won’t succeed in that if you involve your family or close friends and make them part of your problem.
The issues that you have are between you two and no one else.
If divorce is the only option and you see that you have to start a new life without your husband, then begin talking about your joint bank accounts, child support, and other things that need to be sorted out.
Always keep your dignity and don’t act on your impulsive emotions.
The more people you try to bring into it, the messier it will become. Eventually, not only will you have to divorce your husband, but you’ll have to “divorce” those other people too.
You’re a lady – keep it classy. You don’t need any more toxicity in your life on top of all those problems you have with your husband.
7. Spy on him
When you said your vows, you promised to trust each other no matter what.
There is truth in what people say, that trust is the foundation of every strong marriage. Without it, your marriage doesn’t stand a chance against all of life’s challenges.
It’a never been easier to spy on someone, especially someone who’s close to you.
But despite being in a messy situation right now, never stoop so low as to spy on your husband, follow him wherever he goes, and read his texts.
It’s not something that a lady does and that’s who you are, right? It’s beneath you.
I’m sure that you’re aware of the fact that spying on your husband is a red flag that shows your marriage is beyond salvation.
You trusted him all this time, so why would you break that trust now? I understand that you don’t believe him if he had an emotional affair or if he physically cheated on you, but don’t ever breach his privacy.
Perhaps he kept certain things from you, but that doesn’t give you the right to invade his personal space and go around spying on him.
We often forget that sometimes all we have to do is ask and the person will reply to us.
8. Chase and beg him to come back to you
A strong woman should never chase, beg, or force someone to love her. And neither should you. Love isn’t about going around and chasing a guy. A healthy relationship would never require you to do that.
I’m sure that you don’t want him to come back to you just because he feels obliged to you. Begging and chasing after him will only make you look like you’re the desperate one and not him.
I understand that after years of marriage it’s difficult to hear that your partner wants to divorce you. That’s why you should be calm and collected before doing something you’ll definitely regret someday.
Keeping your distance and not invading his privacy is your number one priority. Even though it’s tough for you now, keep your dignity and sanity, and be respectful no matter what.
What you SHOULD DO if your husband wants a divorce but you still love him
Now that you know the things you should avoid if you’re trying to get your husband to come back to you, there are a few tips you can follow to encourage his change of heart.
9. Focus on improving yourself and being better each day
Sometimes being married can feel like a burden to some people. Many couples fail to see that marriage doesn’t mean you have to stop working on yourself now that you’ve found your life companion.
True love means that you’ll push each other each day to become better versions of yourselves.
And now that you have all the time in the world, it’s a perfect opportunity to improve yourself in every aspect.
I know that you’re thinking right now My husband wants a divorce but I still love him, but sometimes it’s not about him, it’s about you. Shift the focus back to you and be your best self.
Increase your self-esteem and nurture your soul more. Be aware of and do things that satisfy your inner self. And most importantly, love yourself more.
For one moment, put your husband aside and don’t think about his emotions and needs. Even if it seems like it’s the hardest thing to do, you have to do it if you want to keep your sanity.
Even though he might think differently, you also deserve to love and be loved. Just because your husband wants a divorce while you still love him, it doesn’t mean that you should stop being happy.
Take care of yourself and everything else will fall into place.
This is your time to shine and not to fall apart.
Don’t do it for him to get back to you, but do it for yourself!
Once he sees you being all glorious and gorgeous as you are, then he’ll reconsider divorcing you.
10. Keep your distance from toxic people and toxic arguments
Everybody has the right to raise their opinion, but that’s completely fine if you have asked them for one.
But if someone tries to talk nonsense while you’re torn apart about divorcing your husband, then get away from those people as far as you can.
On top of that, if your husband tries pulling you into endless, meaningless toxic arguments about how everything is your fault, then don’t indulge him. Don’t give him the pleasure of retaliation.
Always be the bigger person and try to deal with it in a healthy and respectful way. You’re better than that.
I understand that it’s hard to keep your composure when everything around you seems as if it’s falling apart, but you have to. Clear your mind and focus on the positive things.
You don’t have to engage in pointless arguments if you don’t want to. No one gets to have that much power over you.
Don’t force yourself to do stuff that doesn’t bring you any calmness and peace to your soul.
11. Always be respectful
Even though you’re in a messy situation right now, it doesn’t mean that your husband doesn’t deserve to be treated with respect.
No matter what happens between you two, you should never be disrespectful toward him.
After all, he’s still your husband and perhaps even the father of your children. If you seek respect from him, then you must be ready to give it back.
Remaining calm and classy throughout this whole situation will definitely help to keep your mental health in check.
The truth is, you might not get your husband back, but you’ll prove to him that even though your life is overshadowed by sadness and grief, you can still gather enough strength and remain respectful.
The scariest thing for every kid is going through their parents’ divorce procedure. But if you show your children that you can be civil around each other, then they’ll admire you even more.
12. Listen to what your husband has to say and don’t judge him
There’s always someone to blame when it comes to marital problems. But the last thing you want to do now that your husband wants a divorce is to point fingers at each other.
That’s why you should keep it classy, civil, and clean at all times.
Perhaps your husband is mad at you because you did something that might have hurt him, but he has to know that you’re ready to tackle the problems and save your marriage. It’s the only way that he’ll give your love another chance.
It’s important for you to create a safe environment in which he can speak what’s on his heart without you judging him in any way. Without that level of trust, you don’t have much.
Let him share his feelings openly without you acting all out. He has the right to feel the way he feels right now. Appreciate him more because he wouldn’t be honest about his feelings if he didn’t trust you not to judge him.
13. Give him enough space
Giving him enough space to think about the entire situation is a key component in getting your husband back.
Instead of trying to be there for him because you think he needs you and you still love him, it’s time to face facts. Your husband wants a divorce, so what he really needs is for you to give him room to breathe.
Even though he’s a man in every sense, he has feelings and he’s suffering the same way as you are. Just because he was the one initiating the divorce, it doesn’t mean that he’s thrilled about it.
Years of an unhappy marriage can certainly wear people down and the last thing you want is to be clingy and needy.
If you want to have a chance to reconcile with your husband, then don’t crowd him.
14. Try couples therapy
Sometimes it’s tough to suggest to your partner to go see a professional, but it could prove very helpful if he’s prepared to join you.
This might be the right step toward mending your relationship and improving the connection between the two of you.
It’s never easy to accept the fact that you need someone’s help. Since marriage consists of two people, it may seem daunting to let a third party in.
But if you think of all the benefits such help can bring, then it’s at least something worth considering.