Before telling yourself, “Oh my God, my husband hates me, our marriage is over,” try to stay calm. Maybe you’re not overreacting, but something else is going on with your spouse.
Perhaps the two of you started feeling distant during a stressful or challenging period in your marriage. Your husband might have had a tough day at work and lashed out at you.
If your relationship is not as good as it was before, it doesn’t have to have something to do with you. Your husband may be dealing with certain issues unrelated to you that are causing his change in behavior.
How long you’ve been thinking to yourself, “My husband hates me,” is very important to determine whether you have a good reason to be concerned.
If you’ve been feeling this way for a long time, you probably have a problem in your marriage. Your husband may even be showing signs of emotional, physical, or mental abuse.
If the two of you have been fighting all the time and you can’t remember the last time you felt happy to be together, it’s a red flag. You’ll need to seek help, whether it’s therapy or counseling, or you may want to consider separation.
Maybe your husband doesn’t put any effort into your relationship anymore and this is also a sign of trouble. Frequently manipulative, argumentative, or insulting behavior can be a sign of emotional abuse from him instead.
You may be right to think, “My husband hates me,” if you’ve experienced any of these problems. Even if he doesn’t really hate you, there’s a reason you feel like he does.
That on its own is a problem you should definitely seek help for, in order to properly handle it. Start by reading this article but don’t neglect the help you can get from something like counseling.
Why do you feel like your husband hates you? Think about it and try to find the root of the problem, so that it’ll help you decide what to do.
If you’ve only recently started feeling this way, consider whether there are any external factors that are causing the issue.
Do you or your husband deal with a lot of stress at work? Are there some family problems or mental health issues one of you is struggling with?
Is there a lack of emotional or physical intimacy in your marriage? Speaking to a therapist will benefit you, but there are other things you can do too.
Every marriage has challenges from time to time. What matters is how you deal with them.
You need to know when you need to fight for a relationship and when it’s better to quit.
If your husband is hateful toward you or consciously harms or abuses you, it may be best to separate. The same goes for if he’s become too toxic to even be around.
In case of abuse, it’s best to end the toxic relationship, but even without it, sometimes it’s unsalvageable.
Maybe your husband literally told you he hates you and it was devastating to hear. If this isn’t a regular thing, he might have simply had a tough day, though.
In the heat of the moment or in anger, people take out emotions or stress on each other. They say things they don’t mean when they release some pent-up anger or frustration too.
The truth is, it’s highly unlikely that your husband hates you even if he told you that. If he said it during a fight or any confrontational situation, it’s even less likely that it’s true.
On the other hand, if he tells you this on a regular basis or acts toxic, it’s a reason for concern. One of the signs of emotional abuse is constant belittlement!
Let me help you answer the questions you’re most concerned about.
What are the signs my husband hates me?
1. A lack of communication
Just because you don’t communicate as much as you used to doesn’t mean that your love is gone. You need to listen to your gut when you think, “My husband hates me.”
If you’re feeling tense in his presence when you’re not even talking, fighting, or yelling, it’s a sign of trouble. We can sense the emotions of those we’re connected to, and it affects us.
If there are negative feelings and tension but you don’t communicate, your gut could be right.
2. We constantly fight
The two of you can’t even have a conversation anymore… at least not without it turning into a fight.
If he always starts an argument when you talk and he snaps at you in normal conversations, it’s a bad sign. Maybe he even blames you for everything and it’s proof that he’s okay with making you miserable.
A woman who thinks, “My husband hates me,” is sometimes actually married to a narcissist. If he acts differently from before though, he’s not a narcissist, just a mean husband.
He needs to be willing to discuss the issue with you, and if he’s not, it’s a big problem. In that case, things are probably not going to get better on their own, and you may want to consider separation.
3. Him not putting effort into the relationship anymore makes me think my husband hates me
If you’re asking yourself, “Does my husband hate me?” you need to ask yourself a different question… When was the last time your husband did something nice just to make your life happier or easier?
Maybe he used to remember all the important dates like birthdays and anniversaries, but now he just ignores them, which may be a sign of a serious issue.
Perhaps it doesn’t mean that he hates you, but he may hate himself or even the idea of marriage. He may believe that things would have worked out better for him if he had stayed single.
Problems at work or some other stressful things that are going on in his life could be the cause of it. He clearly avoids addressing the real issue and instead takes it out on you.
You are not his punching bag, and he can’t take it all out on you just because he’s having problems. Try to communicate better and if nothing helps, try counseling.
4. He takes me for granted
No matter how poorly he treats you and what he does, he thinks that you’re still going to be there. It irritates him and he takes you for granted because of it.
Regardless of how badly he behaves toward you, you still show him love and he almost hates you because of it.
He has such negative feelings toward you because you always take the high road. Instead of leaving him, you’re still willing to fight for the man you fell in love with… and it makes him feel bad.
He’s not brave enough to fight for your marriage or mature enough to walk away, so he simply drowns in hatred.
The sooner you accept the situation you’re in in your marriage, the sooner you’ll be able to make things better.
5. A lack of intimacy makes me think my husband hates me
It’s very alarming when there’s no more intimacy in your marriage. Just because you’ve been together for a long time, it doesn’t mean that you should stop showing physical affection.
If your husband avoids physical touch, it’s a very bad sign. He should be glad to cuddle with you, hug you and kiss you whenever he can.
Maybe the lack of intimacy only started recently, so there could be something else going on with him. He may have other problems, but if the problem persists, it needs to be addressed.
Maybe he’s losing interest in you, and if so, you should definitely try couples counseling to try to fix things.
6. Everything I say seems to irritate him
Everything you say sounds stupid to him, and he seems to have no more respect for you.
When you talk to him about your career, he just makes you feel bad about yourself. Maybe he tells you that your job doesn’t have a point or that you’re not good at it.
When you try to let him know how you feel, your husband just tells you that you’re overreacting or exaggerating. Maybe he calls you crazy, even though you made some reasonable points.
You feel like even your breathing irritates him, and, unfortunately, maybe you’re right.
Show him how much he’s hurting you, and don’t allow him to belittle you. If things don’t change, you’ll have no choice but to consider separation.
7. I think that he’s cheating on me
He used to share almost everything with you, but now he shares almost nothing. He’s mysterious about his private life and overly active on his social media profiles.
Unfortunately, these things indicate that he’s losing interest… and may even be cheating on you.
If he hides his phone or never leaves it out of his sight, it’s a red flag. The same goes for if he smiles at his phone but then acts irritated or offended when you ask what’s funny.
When you ask him about his emotions or his private life, he either snaps at you or leaves the room. This is a very big problem in a relationship, and if he’s cheating on you, it will have to come to light.
What can I do if I think my husband hates me?
1. I have to accept the situation I’m in
Acceptance is the first step when you’re trying to deal with toxicity in a relationship. You need to recognize the negative things in your marriage and call them what they are.
Often, we don’t see what we don’t want to see, especially when we love someone.
Maybe you’re making excuses for your husband or blaming his past for his bad behavior. You have to stop that because treating someone who loves you badly is inexcusable.
Acceptance doesn’t mean that only you need to acknowledge the situation to move things forward. Your husband will also have to acknowledge his behavior.
Speak up and let him know whenever you notice his toxic behavior, but do so politely and calmly.
Don’t make him feel cornered because you’re not enemies, and you’re in this together.
Once both of you admit the problem, you can work together and find a solution. As long as you’re on the same page, you’ll find a way to continue your love story.
2. I can’t beat myself up about it if my husband hates me
You probably didn’t expect to find yourself in this situation when you married your husband.
Most of the time, toxic behavior in a relationship isn’t always present. Usually, a spouse appears to be something they’re not for the first few years.
Once your husband shows his true colors, you start feeling bad about yourself because you didn’t notice it before.
You need to remind yourself that your husband’s behavior is certainly not your fault. If he’s a toxic person, nothing you would have done could have changed things.
He may lead you to believe that you’re to blame but that’s not the truth. How can you force him to act badly toward you?
He is responsible for his own behavior, and you need to remember that.
Maybe your husband doesn’t hate you, and perhaps instead your husband is not affectionate or romantic and it makes you feel like he hates you.
Maybe you’re instead feeling bad because you can’t fix the toxicity you’re facing in your marriage. Perhaps you tried working on your relationship, but with no luck.
That’s perfectly normal, and the path to growth is never easy. Every recovery process takes time, and failure is a part of it.
If you let your doubts stand in the way and prevent you from growing, you’ll repeatedly end up in the same situations.
3. I have to keep the people I care about close to me
You need all the help and support you can get while you’re dealing with an issue in your marriage. Surround yourself with your loved ones and let them help you.
The problem in your marriage may have caused additional issues you’re not even aware of. Maybe you already isolated yourself from your loved ones to hide your husband’s behavior.
Marriage troubles can also cause depression, which can lead to isolation as well.
Regardless of what you’re going through or how hard it is, you have to maintain the other healthy relationships you have. To succeed, we need encouraging and positive people who care about us in our lives.
When experiencing marital problems, you need to have other healthy relationships that you can lean on. This is necessary if you want to heal the toxic relationship you have with your husband.
Healthy interactions can recharge you, and they will help you deal with the problem at home. Having someone to lean on can be very helpful to you because you need support.
Struggling with marital issues can be tough and having a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to will be of great help to you. A healthy outlet for the emotions you’ve been experiencing is exactly what you need right now.
Who can help you more than those who care about you? Maybe your husband thinks he does nothing wrong when he isolates you from your loved ones, but it’s very wrong.
4. I must stay calm
If your husband has negative feelings toward you, he may often hurt you. On those occasions, it’ll be tempting to reciprocate his behavior and you’ll want to hurt him back.
By doing so, you’ll only make things worse and create more negativity in your marriage. Building up resentment and hatred can only damage the healing process.
When you find yourself in toxic situations, you need to take a minute to relax and just breathe. Calm yourself down by closing your eyes and focusing on your breathing.
Until you can be calm and think clearly, don’t even engage with your husband. Allowing negative interactions can destroy all the progress you’ve made so far in a matter of seconds.
Encourage your husband to at least try to remain calm too. Pay attention to any signs of a bad mood being present and suggest that your husband leaves the room for a few minutes to collect himself.
You’re surely not the real cause of the anger he feels, but you can be your husband’s support. Maintaining a supportive capacity as well as avoiding placing blame on him will give you a much better chance of success.
This is not the same as walking on eggshells. A lot of people do everything they can just to avoid upsetting the person they love and it costs them emotional troubles.
You need to remain expressive and genuine but not in an abrasive way. Don’t ever censor yourself just to please your husband.
You need to be able to express your emotions and thoughts without any fear, but stay calm.
5. I have to consider separation when I feel like my husband hates me
Maybe you see signs your husband is not attracted to you anymore and may even hate you. Sometimes even the couples who are the most dedicated to each other struggle with fixing their problems.
Even if you try really hard to fix things, you may end up in the same situation again. Sometimes, a more radical approach is necessary.
You may need to consider other options, such as separation. A marriage attorney can help you understand this option better.
If you don’t want to end your marriage, it’s not necessary at this point. Separation, on the other hand, may be the best option for you.
Giving your husband some time and space to think about everything may even be a good step to start fixing your problems.
If you choose to go down this path, you need to be committed to it. Getting back together too soon could get you right back to where you were.
A separation needs to last long enough for both of you to get the best out of it. If you stay separated for too long, though, you could cause even more harm to the relationship.
Determine the goals of separation before taking that step. If one of you feels given up on or abandoned because of it, it won’t work.
You can’t keep feeling like your husband hates you either, so the two of you must sit down and talk about it. If your husband realizes that he could lose you, it may get him to snap out of it.
6. I have to know when to give up
Love sometimes simply isn’t enough to have a happy marriage. If your husband doesn’t stop his bad behavior and it affects your life negatively, ending things may be the right call.
This is a very difficult decision but if it’s your only choice, you have to make it.
Yes, you’ve spent a lot of your time building a life with your husband and loving him… so how to end it? Simply, you have to put yourself first.
You deserve to have a life without all the worries and stress a toxic marriage can bring. At first, it’ll probably be painful and hard but in the long run, you’ll see that it’s worth it.
If you have children, don’t think only about how they will live without their father… Think about what kind of example he’s setting for them.
Your children deserve to have happy and healthy relationships when they grow up. Growing up in a toxic family will just make them seek such relationships as adults.
7. I need to seek counseling
You should definitely consider counseling because a third person’s perspective could shine some light on things. Even when it seems like everything’s lost, a counselor could help your marriage get back on track.
Once you talk to your husband about what’s bothering you, see if his behavior improves. If it doesn’t, suggest that you try counseling.
A lot of married couples try this, and sometimes it’s all you really need to understand each other again. Whatever you do, don’t just tolerate bad behavior and take action when you notice it!