“We didn’t break up such a long time ago! My ex is dating someone else already and it hurts. I should be happy for him, right? So why does it hurt so much?”
I have been asked this more times than I can count. Women are at a loss for words when their exes find someone else immediately after breaking up with them.
It hurts and you don’t even know why. You want him to be happy, you two have broken up, and you shouldn’t want him back.
But somehow, the fact that he moved on this quickly just makes your past relationship seem insignificant and you want it to mean something to him.
You’re thinking back to the moment you met him, how you were so excited for what the future held for you two.
And then you remember the last time you spoke to him, how cold and dismissive he was, and how it broke you apart.
Timewas supposed to be the healer. You thought that with time you’d move on and your heart would heal.
One thing that kept you sane was knowing that he was probably hurting just as much as you were. So you wanted to keep yourself together for the sake of both of you.
You wanted to show him that you weren’t going to be the first one to fall apart.
That is, until your ex started dating a new person and this fact hurts.
Why is my ex is dating someone else already? It hurts!
Everyone has their own story. Your ex probably has his own story about why he’s dating someone new already.
He’s not thinking about his ex-girlfriend right now at all. Or maybe he is?
What are the possible reasons for his behavior? Why is he already dating someone new even though he knows that it’ll hurt you?
Well, let’s go through the list of most common reasons why your ex-boyfriend moved on this quickly.
1. He’s insecure in himself
There are many people out there who need others for validation. Your ex just might be one of them.
It doesn’t mean that he’s completely over you or that he’s moved on from your relationship. It might just mean that he’s insecure.
He probably feels like he isn’t good enough without being in a relationship, so he went looking for someone to make him feel valued again.
He just wants to feel like he can be loved after you two broke up.
Your ex isn’t dating someone new just because he knows that it hurts you. He’s dating someone new so that he doesn’t feel as insecure anymore.
2. He’s afraid to be alone
After you get out of a long-term relationship, you may be left to wonder if you’ll be able to navigate the single life again.
It’s hard for anyone! You spend months or years knowing that there’ll be someone waiting for you when you get home.
You had each other for such a long time that now being single feels like an actual crime.
So he jumped into a new relationship. His new partner is probably oblivious to his need to have someone by his side.
The new girl is probably head over heels in love with him, while he’s only able to convince himself day in and day out that their entire relationship is a good idea.
Your ex is dating someone new because it hurts to be alone.
3. He found someone to just fulfill his physical and emotional needs
Yes, it’s not that hard to find someone for this. You want someone to cuddle you when you need it and listen to you when you’ve had a rough day.
There’s not much depth in a relationship like that, but it does fulfill the basic needs you might have.
I know that it’s hard to watch your ex move on, but he might as well be using this poor woman merely to fulfill his own needs.
He isn’t able to emotionally depend on himself, so he went searching for that comfort in someone else.
So the next time the words “My ex is dating someone else and it hurts” cross your mind, just remember that he might be in pain as well.
4. They had an affair before you broke up
This shouldn’t leave you paranoid, but it is a possibility. The truth is that people usually don’t move on from their past relationship this quickly.
The difference is that they’re able to go public with their relationship now.
You’re not in the picture anymore and they have the right to show how much they love each other.
I know that it hurts to see your ex dating someone new, but if he truly cheated on you, then you shouldn’t let yourself dwell on those emotions.
One of the reasons an ex will start dating someone new right after breaking up is that he planned for it all to happen so that he could be with this new girl.
5. She’s really that special
There are times where you simply meet an amazing human being, even when you’re not ready for something more serious.
He was probably trying really hard to get over you – to move on and let himself heal – but along the way, he met her.
He didn’t plan for anything to happen, but it just did and somewhere along the line, he figured out that she was special – too special for him to let her go.
So she’s the one who’s helping him heal now so that he’s able to love her wholeheartedly just like he loved you not too long ago.
Why does it hurt to see your ex dating someone new?
You’re over and done. You broke up for a reason, so why does it still keep hurting like crazy?
There isn’t a chance in hell that you’d go back to him or beg him to come back to you.
You’re not going to be one of those jealous exes who doesn’t have anything better to do but ruin the life of her past love.
But it hurts. It hurts when you see your ex dating someone new and you don’t know what to do about this feeling.
You want to understand your own emotions, where they’re coming from, and how to deal with them.
What you’re experiencing doesn’t seem like pure jealousy.
You’re not particularly jealous of his new girlfriend. This just seems like sheer heartbreak.
Maybe you’d admit to yourself that you even might want your ex back, but the jury is still out on that one.
For now, let’s figure out why you’re feeling the way you are before we figure out what you can do about it.
1. He was your first love
You saw so many instances where someone’s first love turns to be their soulmate as well. You wanted that type of love story!
So why can’t it happen?
Your ex was supposed to be your soulmate so now you feel like you have some sort of right over them.
When your ex starts going out with someone else, you feel like he betrayed you. She doesn’t deserve him and he should be able to see that, too.
When your ex is dating someone else already, it hurts as much as the moment you two broke up.
At the end of the day, you want him to come home to you and not to someone else, and you simply can’t let that thought go.
You’re not able to let him go because the emotions you feel for him are still intense and real.
I mean, imagine this, you met someone so stunning and special that they changed your life.
Then they change their mind and just walk away from you and before you know it, they’re giving that love to someone else.
When you experience that, it’s normal that you’d feel lost and confused. It’s understandable that you’re hurt and bruised.
2. You’re in a rebound relationship
Rebound relationships seem like so much fun when you want to figure out a way to avoid dealing with your feelings.
We get into these relationships to mask the fact that we’re broken inside.
We let ourselves be held by this person, we let them kiss us and convince us that we aren’t as undesirable as we believe we are.
These relationships are extremely dangerous because once reality hits you, you’ll feel the full blow of your broken heart.
I fell victim to this need as well. I wanted someone to want me and tell me that I am worthy of the love of others.
But then when I saw my ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend, I was devastated. I wanted him to be just as miserable as I was!
So I decided to confront him about it, asked him if I really didn’t mean anything to him, but all he did was tell me that he was happy.
My ex was happy with someone else while I was miserable.
I didn’t deal with my emotions, so when they eventually came crashing down on me, it was more painful than ever.
I was so devastatingly hurt that my ex was dating someone else already, but it was obvious that he’d actually moved on.
3. Your ego is bruised
One of the reasons why you’re experiencing this much pain even though you and your ex have broken up is because your ego took a knock.
Some would argue that this is a good thing. You’re not pining over your ex and you don’t want him back.
You just don’t feel appreciated when he was able to move on so quickly.
That person was your best friend and you wanted him for yourself.
And even though you moved on already as well, you simply don’t want to feel insignificant.
You’re human! You don’t have to worry about your mental health, this is completely fine.
Another reason why your ego is bruised is that you’re jealous. You want him for yourself.
You want him to be yours forever and you can’t imagine him with anyone else.
Even though you had a new boyfriend, you were still waiting for your ex to come back to you.
The new guy doesn’t mean much to you, so it breaks you to know that his new girlfriend makes him that happy.
I really do understand what you’re going through because when my ex was dating someone else a while after we broke up, it felt humiliating that he was able to get over me that quickly.
It took a long time to get over that pain and realize his actions don’t determine my value.
4. You’re comparing yourself to her
We make the mistake of comparing ourselves to our ex’s new partner. And let’s be honest, that doesn’t help our self-esteem!
When I found myself in this situation, I wondered why I wasn’t good enough and found all the answers to that in her.
She was more feminine, more beautiful, and she radiated positive, calming energy.
The first time I saw her, I made a mental note of the way she looked just to compare myself to her when I got home.
Even if you had a happy relationship before things went south, he seems so much happier with her.
Believe me, I know that feeling. It’s like you hate this woman and you don’t even know her.
You can’t be happy for him when you’re miserable.
My ex started dating this gorgeous woman and it hurt to know that they’ve been together longer than he and I were.
Does that mean that I was never good enough for him?
How to cope with the pain of your ex dating someone else already?
After experiencing this firsthand, I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put some effort into coping with these negative emotions.
There are certain ways you can deal with this situation, just like I did.
When your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts, the best thing you can do is find healthy ways to cope with it.
That will be your best revenge.
1. Don’t act on those emotions
I made this mistake. I acted on my emotions, sending him text messages that showed just how desperate I was. And then I lost him forever.
Just because you feel this insatiable urge to confront him about this new woman in his life, doesn’t mean that it’s a good idea.
You might lose the chance to be his friend one day.
The best thing you can do is acknowledge these feelings – realize that they’re there.
These emotions make you want to walk up to him and say some nasty thing to his face and to the poor girl accidentally caught in this fire.
We’re not in high school anymore and you should be able to figure out how to control your emotions. Don’t cause a scene.
Another thing you might experience is a sense of longing for him.
He’s off the market, your ex is dating someone new, and it hurts. You want him now!
You ignore the fact that your relationship was unhealthy or that he was a narcissist, you just want him back.
Don’t. Don’t act on these emotions. Take some time for yourself, clear your head, and the next day things won’t seem that bad.
2. Stop stalking him
No one’s saying that you’re some crazy stalker, but you have to admit that you’ve looked him up at least twice today on social media.
You’re making sure you’re always up to date on what’s happening in his life. You might have even asked your mutual friends about him.
Just imagine how that makes you look. It makes you look like a desperate little girl who can’t get over her ex and now she’s jealous of his new girl.
You’re so much stronger than that! Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise!
You’re just opening up new wounds every single time you scroll his profile. You’re longing for a man who isn’t yours anymore and never again will be.
So instead of constantly waiting for a photo to confirm they’ve broken up, start living your life!
You’re spending so much time stalking him instead of spending it on yourself.
You can do so much better than that.
It’s not easy when your ex is dating someone new and it hurts, but you’re not really making it any easier for yourself, are you?
3. Find ways to occupy yourself
Just because you’re sad right now doesn’t mean that you have the right to completely let yourself go.
Your ex-partner isn’t a part of your life anymore so you need to start living again.
Occupy your mind with things that make you happy instead of focusing on him and his new girlfriend.
I know that it’s hard to see your ex happy, but that shouldn’t take away from your own happiness.
Find joy in the things that brought you joy before. Did you like to read? Go to the gym? Are you still aiming for that promotion at work?
Truly start focusing on those things.
It’s tough seeing your ex dating someone else and I know you’re hurting, but you can’t sit around in limbo and wait for him.
You have to find happiness outside of romantic relationships in general. You won’t be able to have a healthy relationship in the future otherwise.
4. Create your own “letting go” ritual
This might seem strange, but have you ever heard of people burning pictures of their exes after the breakup?
I admit, it sounds a little bit radical, but everyone creates their own little ritual.
You can create your own as well!
If that’s what it takes, go ahead and burn the pictures and throw out everything you’ve gotten from him.
You shouldn’t want to hold on to those things anyway.
Every time you see them, you’ll be reminded that he’s probably kissing her instead of you right now.
You’ll be reminded that someone else has taken up your space next to him.
So don’t hold on to those things because they’ll only bring you pain.
What would be symbolic enough for you to let go of him? Throwing rocks into the water until you feel like you’ve let go of him?
Taking a bath and burning a candle until goes out by itself?
Anything that can remind you that you’re better than this.
Anything to remind yourself that you don’t need him in your life anymore if he moved on that quickly.
Any man who can move on that quickly after a relationship isn’t worthy of your love, let alone attention.
When your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts, take all that pain and create a ritual that’ll help you let go of him.
It’ll symbolize your well-deserved freedom.
Will the no-contact rule work when my ex is dating someone new already and it hurts?
Everyone has heard of the no-contact rule and a commonly asked question is if it can work if your ex is already dating someone new .
You and your ex have broken up and he’s moved on with someone else, so will the no contact rule be efficient here?
This rule is like a strategy on which you can build an entire empire.
The no contact rule is a set period of time where you make your ex miss you by ignoring him.
And spoiler alert: IT WORKS!
It works, even when he’s already dating someone new, because chances are that he’s dating someone else with the intention of making you jealous.
So when you show him that you’re not reacting, he’ll more than likely come back running! Everyone knows that guys love a good chase.
This period of time will help you figure things out, so if he does decide to come back to you, you won’t need him anymore.
And if you do decide to take him back, it’ll be because of the growth you’ve done by yourself!
Yes, the no-contact rule works, but you truly have to think things through and determine if you want him back in the first place.
Either way, make sure that you’re happy and healthy. Don’t neglect yourself.