Should I Be Worried If My Boyfriend Talks To His Ex Behind My Back?

“My boyfriend talks to his ex behind my back.” This is a sentence that no woman likes to say, and yet it happens quite a lot.

No one has the right to tell you that you shouldn’t be worried about your ex-boyfriend talking to his ex-girlfriend behind your back. 

You can always play it cool and smart, but as soon as you hear the word ‘ex’, an alarm bell goes off and you immediately find yourself snooping around your significant other’s phone, trying to figure out whether or not he’s been cheating on you.

Your mind plays tricks on you and you start to recall all the times you heard someone had been cheated on by their boyfriend. 

Even though it may seem impossible to do right now, your best solution would be to take a deep breath before you lose your cool and break up with him. 

It’s definitely bad to keep secrets from your partner but it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a cheater if he does. 

Hiding things from your partner should never be a thing. You cannot have a healthy relationship if you also have secrets but before jumping to any conclusions, take a step back and try to calm down. 

There could be many reasons why he talks to his ex behind your back. 

Maybe they’re good friends now or perhaps they met last night and wanted to catch up. However, it could also be true that he still has romantic feelings for her and he’s trying to make up his mind between you and her. 

My boyfriend talks to his ex behind my back. What should I do?

There’s no straightforward answer to this question since you have to try to see things from his point of view.

How long did his relationship with her last? Did they decide to remain friends after they broke up?

Does he love you? Do you have trust issues in your relationship? 

You have to consider all of these things if you want to find the reason why he talks to his ex behind your back. After all, your future with this guy depends on it, even though it’s hard to admit.

However, don’t feel guilty if you feel anxious or jealous at this time. Those are completely valid emotions to have when your significant other is talking to his ex behind your back.

The thing is, it’s more important how you act in this situation than the emotions themselves. You have to establish a certain level of trust in your relationship so that he opens up to you about his feelings for you and for his ex-girlfriend.

So, is it normal for your boyfriend to talk to his ex behind your back?

Many times, I’ve heard girls say, “My boyfriend talks to his ex behind my back,” or, “I don’t know why she’s texting him.”

Even though some women may not admit it, this is more common than you think. Sometimes, however, there isn’t any real reason for you to worry about his previous relationship. 

It’s difficult to tell whether it’s normal for your boyfriend to talk to his ex behind your back.

While some girls may interpret it as a red flag and walk away immediately, others will calmly have an honest conversation with their boyfriend and tell them that this is something that bothers them. 

It’s not uncommon for a guy to stay in touch with his ex-GF or even his ex-wife. This is especially true if they were best friends before the relationship.

For you to find out whether your boyfriend’s ex wants something from him or she’s just being friendly with him, there are some questions that you have to ask yourself.

Why did they break up in the first place? Is it the first time that he talked to his ex since the breakup?

When was the last time they saw each other? Who broke up with whom?

Do they follow each other on social media? Do they talk every single day or do they have face-to-face conversations? 

My boyfriend talks to his ex behind my back. Should I be worried?

Well, it depends actually. If he recently started talking to her, it’s probably because they’re catching up and they want to know what’s been happening in each other’s lives.

You should be careful not to mistake checking on each other with texting every single day. 

The former may not be so harmful, even though your insecurities are starting to kick in, while the latter may be the reason why your boyfriend’s pulling away from you. 

It’s never a good thing if your boyfriend talks to his ex behind your back each and every day. That’s something that should be thoroughly investigated by you.

It’s fairly easy to think that your partner is having an emotional affair with his ex-girlfriend. This is especially the case if you’ve been fighting a lot recently. 

In this situation, your mind is telling you that everything bad that’s been happening in your relationship is caused by her. 

On the other hand, maybe your partner needs someone he can talk to. I know it may pain you to hear that but perhaps he needs a piece of advice from a friend who knows him better than you and there’s no physical attraction between them. 

There are various reasons why your boyfriend talks to his ex behind your back. 

But why do guys even stay in touch with their ex-girlfriends?

It’s completely normal for you to think that your boyfriend talks to his ex behind your back because he wants to rekindle the old flame and cheat on you. That’s the first thing that crosses every girl’s mind when her guy is in touch with his ex-girlfriend. 

Nevertheless, there are plenty of other reasons why he may contact her. While some of them will definitely make you lose your mind, others may help you realize that your man is actually innocent in this case.

He needs a familiar face and he’s quite comfortable with her 

One reason why your boyfriend talks to his ex behind your back may be that he’s quite comfortable around her. Maybe their break-up was recent and their relationship was quite intense and serious and that’s why he still keeps in touch with her.

He’s comfortable talking to her about everything that’s been going on in his life because she was there for him when no one else was. 

That doesn’t mean that he should exclude you from everything but maybe he and his ex-girlfriend decided to stay in each other’s lives because they’re comfortable being friends. 

He has feelings for her

Another reason why he talks to his ex behind your back could be because he still has some feelings for her or he even loves her, even though they’re not together anymore. 

Maybe you’re just a rebound to him and he jumped right into another relationship after recently breaking up with her. He thought that the quickest way to forget someone was to find a new significant other but that simply didn’t happen. 

I’m not defending him, as this is not something that any girl should experience but it does happen. The best way to tell whether he still has feelings for her is to ask him how recent the breakup was and to talk about his relationship history to see whether you’re dealing with a cheater.

She can’t get over him

You may be wrong to think that it’s your boyfriend’s fault. Maybe his ex-girlfriend still has feelings for him and she’s the one who can’t let go and he can’t see that.

She’s the one to blame because she wants to rekindle the old flame, even though she knows he moved on. It could be that she called him months after they broke up to ask questions about his relationship to see whether she has a chance of getting him back.

If that’s the case, then he has to make it clear to her that he moved on and that he has someone new in his life. However, this isn’t a reason to not trust your boyfriend.

They’re friends

There is a chance that your significant other isn’t playing with you at all and that there’s no deception going on. 

Maybe your boyfriend and his ex haven’t been together for a while and decided that the best thing for them is to now be friends, long after their break-up.

If you think that it’s possible for him to be friends with her, then pay close attention to his actions and, most importantly, always trust your gut. 

It’s completely normal for a man and a woman to stay friends after a break-up. You may have cut ties with all of your exes but that doesn’t mean that your boyfriend should do the same.

There has to be a certain level of trust in your relationship as it won’t survive without it. 

What if my boyfriend still talks to his ex behind my back?

If your significant other still talks to his ex behind your back every day, then you have a reason to be worried. He’s now in a new relationship and shouldn’t be stuck in the past. 

However, it’s important that you keep your composure and don’t jump to any conclusions. Try to find out whether he’s still in love with her and whether or not you can move on from this situation. 

There are a few tips that can help you tackle a situation like this, when your man is constantly texting his ex behind your back. It definitely isn’t a pleasant feeling knowing that your partner is keeping secrets from you.

Self-reflect

Before you lose your mind and have emotional outbursts because of your boyfriend talking to his ex behind your back, first ask yourself whether you have a tendency to be jealous in your relationships.

Has it ever happened to you that one of your ex-boyfriends called you a jealous queen or something similar? 

Even though your boyfriend’s the one to blame, don’t you think you’re overreacting in this situation? Maybe because of the circumstances, your insecurities are kicking in? 

Before you have a face-to-face conversation with him, try to think of whether or not you’re the one who has to take a step back and do a bit of self-reflection. Don’t jump to any conclusions because they can affect your future with your significant other.

It could be that your boyfriend still talks to his ex over WhatsApp or another social media app because he can’t share his thoughts with you. Or maybe he’s only spoken to her a couple of times and you don’t have to worry at all.

Instead of completely freaking out and losing your cool, try building trust in your relationship. That’s something that you should have built from the very beginning, as a healthy relationship can’t survive without it.

There are always going to be some problems and arguments in a relationship but you should always be able to trust each other, no matter what.

Have a conversation with him

One of the pillars of a healthy relationship is having great communication between partners. You have to be able to trust your boyfriend and have the possibility of openly talking to each other about everything that may trouble you.

As a matter of fact, your significant other shouldn’t just be your boyfriend, as he has to be your best friend as well.

“My boyfriend talks to his ex behind my back. What should I do?”

Well, you should definitely have an honest conversation with him. Tell him what’s on your mind and what’s been bothering you this whole time. 

Don’t hold back but at the same time, don’t let your emotions take over you. Keep a calm voice and don’t overreact even if he says something wrong. 

Tell him the truth, that because of the contact he has with his ex, your insecurities are surfacing and you have the right to know what’s happening. 

Say that it bothers you that he’s been talking to her but be careful about giving any ultimatums as they can backfire. Tell him that you’re strong enough to handle the truth and that you want to hear an honest answer from him. 

You should never confront your partner about such a thing via a phone call or text message, as you don’t have an opportunity to see his facial expressions.

You may not be able to see whether he’s lying about it because of your inability to physically see him. That’s why it always helps to have a direct conversation about something like this. 

Open up your heart to him

Some girls simply can’t accept the fact that their boyfriend is talking to his ex behind their back and for them, this is an instant deal-breaker. 

But some girls have the strength and courage to open up their heart to their man before deciding their next step.

My advice to you is to tell him how you feel about him texting his ex behind your back. It’s a touchy topic but one that shouldn’t be swept under the rug. 

Speak clearly and let him know what’s on your mind and soul, even though it may be hard to stay focused and calm.

You should try to make it clear how you feel about the whole situation and help him see it from your perspective.

Don’t make any accusations whatsoever, as it won’t bring you any closer to the truth. Otherwise, you’ll reach the point of no return and you’ll break up.

I know that it’s not easy for you but don’t link any other issues to this particular situation because your relationship will only worsen. Focus on this particular problem and take it one step at a time.

Don’t overreact and tell him that he’s the worst guy that you ever dated, even though he isn’t. You’ll never know what the reason for his behavior is until you ask. 

Stay calm and observe his reaction

This is a very sensitive topic that’s not so easily resolved. For some women, telling your partner your insecurities can help them clear things up but the main thing is that you observe how he responds to your words.

A partner who truly cares about you and who’s emotionally mature will not dismiss your concerns. Such a guy will be a great listener, as he’ll absorb every word that you utter and he’ll be ready to work things out with you.  

On the other hand, if your significant other is dismissive and doesn’t think that there’s a problem at all, then this could be a red flag that he’s cheating on you. Eventually, the situation will escalate and you won’t have a happy ending. 

You shouldn’t think that just because he’s trying to explain things that he’s automatically lying to you. Observe his body language and see how he reacts when you confront him. 

Maybe he just wants to clarify things, ensure you aren’t feeling insecure, and you to know you’re the only one for him. In that case, you can hopefully trust that he doesn’t have anything going on with his ex-girlfriend. 

Talk about your relationship 

Every relationship has its ups and downs but what matters is that both partners put in an equal amount of effort to work things out.

And if you know that you and your partner are going through a rough patch, then maybe your significant other is just looking for someone to talk to and nothing else.

Ask yourself whether your relationship’s the reason why your boyfriend still talks to his ex behind your back or if he’s cheating on you. If the former is the case, then the ex shouldn’t be your concern at all. 

Your boyfriend is getting his emotional fill from somewhere else because he can’t confide in you. However, if you don’t address the problem and don’t work things out, then you won’t be able to continue your relationship. 

Figure out what your relationship lacks and work on it. 

Find out whether he kept any gifts or photos from when they were together 

Old gifts and photos can bring back lots of memories. And memories are good but at some point, you have to get rid of those material things, especially if they’re from your ex. 

So, your goal now is to figure out whether or not he’s saving selfies she sent him long ago. Or does he hide any personal gifts he got from her in his attic? 

A little snooping around won’t do any harm, you know. If you find something, that could be a warning sign that he may be cheating on you, especially if he still talks to his ex behind your back. 

Be careful and don’t give him any ultimatums

Under no circumstances should you say to your boyfriend things like, “Never talk to her again,” or, “I forbid you to ever call her!” or suchlike. 

For him, it may come across as if you’re demanding or manipulating him by telling him the people he can and can’t talk to. It’s like you’re his mother and not his girlfriend. 

Stay calm and observe his reaction. Don’t jump to any conclusions, as your assumptions may be wrong. 

Set boundaries

After the two of you have had an honest conversation about the problem and you’ve worked out the details of your situation, it’s a good idea to set some boundaries for the future. 

Those boundaries or rules shouldn’t be viewed as ways that will make your relationship less fun. They are there to keep the trust strong. 

Try to create them together so that they’re fair and that neither of you feels undermined. If only one of you makes up the rules, the other one will feel unhappy as they’ll think they’re being manipulated by the other.

The important thing is that you don’t lose sight of what the problem is. Focus on fixing the issue and you’ll have your happily ever after.