At one point, it hit me that my boyfriend takes me for granted. And since you’re reading this, you may also have that annoying feeling that he doesn’t understand he could lose you.
He’s become so comfortable around you that it seems like he doesn’t care about you, which is extremely frustrating. You love that man and you would do anything for him.
But here he is, absolutely forgetting about your importance, which makes you miserable. It leaves you asking yourself whether he ever loved you in the first place or if you were nothing other than a convenience to him.
Being taken for granted is an absolutely awful feeling. But for now, you don’t even know whether he’s genuinely doing that.
If you’re thinking, “My boyfriend takes me for granted,” I’ve also seen the signs. It’s always in those little things that we even consciously choose to ignore.
A healthy relationship could never come out of something like that. We’re human and we need to know that we’re loved and cared for by the person we’re with.
You’re just not sure what to make of his behavior. You can’t even make a decision about what to do next because you’re not really certain whether you’re just overreacting.
Well, that’s a common thought process of someone who learned to always doubt themselves. However, you have me – a woman who has gone through the same thing – so let me help you.
Disclaimer: It took me a long time to gather up my courage and leave him. I hope you’re not too harsh on me.
I didn’t understand that there was anything better than him at the time, so it was a very rocky road to freedom and the life that I truly deserve.
13 signs that made me realize my boyfriend took me for granted
1. He only texted me when he wanted something from me
The first thing that happened to me that I figured was a sign my ex-boyfriend took me for granted was when he stopped texting me to ask me how I was doing. He simply started messaging only when he needed or wanted something from me.
The last time he texted me (before I realized what was going on), he just sent me a link to something he wanted me to buy him.
A guy who takes you for granted won’t bother with pleasantries. He doesn’t care about what you’ve been up to today because he feels like he always knows everything.
He doesn’t see why he should text you other than to get him something or to ask you questions. Even if you try talking to him about this, he’ll probably say that it’s because you’re going to talk in person soon enough.
That doesn’t mean that he should stop texting you in general, though.
2. His friends were more important to him than I was
He’s definitely taking you for granted when he starts to put his friends above you.
This was a problem I also had to face with my ex-boyfriend. He didn’t think that I should ever be more important to him than his friends, which was an extremely stupid way to look at things.
Your romantic partner should always be your biggest priority. If you’re not able to give them that, you should definitely not even try a relationship.
You have friends too, just like I do. You’re there for them and you’d do anything for them, just like I would.
However, that doesn’t change the fact that my partner would come before them and that’s how things should be. He should be able to give you that luxury as well!
It shouldn’t just be a one-way street, where you always put everything aside for him. However, he can’t seem to keep a promise, because he always bails on you to hang out with them.
3. He cut conversations short
I understood that my boyfriend took me for granted because he would always cut our conversations short. He made it seem as if he was always in a rush but I knew for a fact that he had nowhere to actually go.
He just made sure that I finished chatting as soon as possible and you can probably spot that with your boyfriend as well. You want to tell him all about your day and the people you talked to but he seems extremely uninterested.
At times, he even makes you tell him what he needs to hear in just a few sentences because he’s tired of listening to you. He does that because he doesn’t appreciate your presence in his life.
He doesn’t care that you’re excited about a movie you watched, he just rolls his eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh. Your significant other definitely doesn’t care that he’s passive-aggressive with you.
4. He didn’t initiate physical contact anymore
Let’s be honest here for a moment. Physical touch is extremely important.
It doesn’t have to be anything dirty, it can just be something innocent and sweet. But you don’t get that anymore.
Even if you’re the one to reach for his hand or if you want to hug him, he acts like it’s torture. He doesn’t want to touch you, as if you’re poisonous.
Even if he does give you a quick hug, he has to end it as soon as possible. He seems annoyed that you have such a normal need to touch the man you love.
I don’t think that you should even try to make this relationship work if it’s got to this point because these small things determine just how much he cares about you. You can’t even blame it on his zodiac sign any longer.
5. He didn’t want to introduce me to his family
You know that your boyfriend takes you for granted because of so many reasons, just like my ex-boyfriend did with me when we were together. This boundary is fair, however, if you’ve just started dating.
You could also say that it’s okay if he doesn’t want to introduce you to them if you’ve only been dating for just a few months. He doesn’t want to introduce you to them just to have things then fall apart.
You don’t even know each other enough to know how well you’d work together. That’s just a lot to ask of anyone.
So, if he chose to set this healthy boundary with you, it’s completely okay. However, after a while, that gets very bothersome.
You don’t want to be the girlfriend who’s nothing more than a ghost to his parents. He should be able to introduce you to them because you’ve been together for so long.
If he doesn’t want to, then he’s simply taking you for granted. He doesn’t care that this is important to you, so he doesn’t even care to give you the satisfaction.
6. His work became more important than me
You don’t really have to be a relationship expert to know that you should always be your biggest priority. That’s also something important he has to understand for himself.
He should always make his career a priority if it’s the one he wants to pursue. However, that work shouldn’t become the reason why you don’t have time for one another.
If that’s the case then you shouldn’t even be together. You need to have more time for each other, even if that means that you have to put each other on your calendars in order to make sure that you don’t skip date nights.
A good relationship can’t exist if he brings his work home every single day and all he does is lock himself in his room and doesn’t even bother to communicate with you. If you need to do something like that, then simply don’t start a relationship.
He’s only dragging you along and he takes your presence in his life for granted. He believes that you’ll never leave him no matter how little attention he gives you.
7. He didn’t respect my time
When you’re thinking, “My boyfriend takes me for granted,” it’s probably because he doesn’t respect your time. My ex-boyfriend did the same thing to me and it was so obvious.
He would simply cancel on me whenever he felt like it and then he would want to meet up on his terms. I understand that people need to compromise but if he made plans, there was no reason for him to cancel on me because of something irrelevant.
That’s what he always did and then he expected me to be okay with it. He’d give me conditions for the next time we’d meet and I would always comply because I really wanted to see him.
That was someone who didn’t respect me or my time. If your boyfriend does this as well, then he should definitely not be in your life anymore.
If you believe that there’s no way he can change his ways, then you’ll always run after him.
8. He stopped thanking me
The biggest sign that screams he takes you for granted, one that I saw in my ex-boyfriend as well, is when he stops thanking you for the things you do for him.
At some point or another, he’ll get used to your kindness and that’s when things will go downhill. He doesn’t understand that you could stop being that nice at any given moment.
For example, I used to prepare lunch for my ex whenever I prepared mine, and in the beginning, he would always thank me. He would be the sweetest guy about it and that’s why I continued to do it.
However, after a while, he simply didn’t acknowledge my efforts anymore. He stopped thanking me and you could say that he didn’t even see how hard I tried to make him happy.
This isn’t something you’ll be able to ignore. You’ll realize right away when he doesn’t thank you for something you’ve done.
The silence will be deafening.
9. He was always late
In romantic relationships, promises are extremely important. You can’t treat your partner as if he’s nothing more than an afterthought and you don’t have to listen to any relationship advice to know that.
In a long-term relationship, you need to be able to keep a promise, especially if that promise includes going out on a date. But your guy is always late.
He’s late and he doesn’t even bother to call you in advance to let you know that he won’t make it on time. If that isn’t the biggest sign that he’s taking you for granted then I don’t know what is.
He doesn’t think about your feelings, as he doesn’t care enough to show up on time. You’re there, waiting for him, completely glammed up to boost your self-esteem, but he just doesn’t get it.
Sometimes, he even forgets that you two had any plans at all.
10. He stopped taking care of himself
I understand that during the puppy love stage, we all look better than we usually do. We try so hard to impress our new partner, which I believe isn’t a bad thing at all.
It makes you feel better about yourself and it seems like you’re trying hard to make things work between you two. However, eventually, you’ll stop trying so hard but that doesn’t mean that you’ll completely let yourself go.
It’s obvious that your boyfriend takes you for granted when he totally stops taking care of himself. He doesn’t shower as often anymore, nor does he try hard to impress you when you go on dates.
He shows up in some stupid shirt that looks like something he’s been using at the gym for days now, while you’re still making an effort. You want to impress him all over again and remind him of how beautiful his girlfriend is.
Of course, it’ll influence your own happiness when he doesn’t care about whether he looks presentable to you or not.
11. He didn’t compromise with me anymore
This one can take a huge toll on your mental health. The very moment his attentiveness declines and you start to see that he doesn’t want to compromise with you anymore, that’s when you know that he’s taking you for granted.
Relationships are a two-way street. They need effort from both sides and that also means that you have to compromise on things.
You can’t just make him do everything that you want and he can’t really expect the same thing from you. You can make decisions by yourself if they influence your own life, like taking up a new hobby by yourself, but it seems like he makes all of the decisions by himself.
He doesn’t even bother to listen to your wants or needs. He doesn’t care that you may not like his idea and that’s because he likes it so he thinks you should simply be okay with everything.
That’s what happens when your partner stops appreciating your presence in their life.
12. I wasn’t surprised by it anymore
Any relationship coach in this world will tell you that the worst thing that can happen is when you’re not even surprised by (or bothered by) your partner’s behavior anymore. That only means that things have been going on for so long that you’ve grown accustomed to it.
When he cancels on you last minute, you no longer care to get angry. When he doesn’t thank you, you make yourself believe that you shouldn’t even anticipate something like that, which is a huge red flag that your relationship has already become toxic.
Sometimes, you don’t cuddle with each other for days because he says that it’s a waste of time. Now you make excuses as to why he’s right, even though you need it very much.
13. He may have even cheated
One thing that happens too often when a boyfriend takes his girlfriend for granted is that he cheats, which is disgusting but true. He feels like he has you wrapped around his finger, so he doesn’t even have to bother with loyalty anymore.
It makes him think that you’ll always be by his side whatever he does. Until now, he’s done so many gruesome things in your relationship that cheating doesn’t even seem like such a big problem.
The issue is also that he won’t quit if he’s not dealt with. He’ll continue to betray you and play these little games with you, which is a whole new level of toxicity and narcissism that you need to contend with as soon as possible.
A guy who genuinely cares about you would never do such a terrible thing to you. He would respect you enough to stay loyal until the very end.
He’d at least break up with you first and then go out and find another girl but someone who takes you for granted doesn’t care whether he hurts your feelings.
“My boyfriend takes me for granted and I don’t know what to do!”
There’s not much you need to do in this situation, to be completely honest with you.
You don’t have to change yourself because when someone doesn’t appreciate you, it’s completely on them. So let’s see what you can do.
1. Be the one to limit contact
One thing that will work wonders when you think, “My boyfriend takes me for granted,” is to be the one to limit contact with him. Be the one who becomes unreachable and doesn’t communicate with him.
Are you always the one who’s texting him first? Are you always trying to keep the conversation going?
Yes? Then stop it.
Give him a taste of his own medicine. Don’t respond to him right away.
Let him guess why you haven’t texted him the entire day. In the beginning, it’ll just be weird to him but after a while, he’ll start going crazy.
2. Don’t always be available
You don’t see each other often as it is but now you have to be strong for your own sake. Don’t let him be the one to make all the plans just because he cancels all the ones you’ve made.
Don’t just let him disrespect your time. Show him that you have self-respect.
The next time he wants to cancel on you just to tell you that he’ll be available tomorrow, tell him that you won’t be. Tell him that you’re free tonight and no other day during the week.
I know that it’s hard, as you want to spend time with him, but if he’s going to take you for granted, show him that he could quite easily lose you.
3. Be selfish
It’s completely okay to be selfish in a relationship. Of course, you shouldn’t be so selfish that you become arrogant but you should be selfish enough to take care of yourself.
So whenever he makes you feel bad about yourself, do whatever you want. If he won’t be the one to treat you the way you deserve to be treated, put more time and effort into treating yourself right.
Take up a new hobby, go out with your friends, or go partying. Once he realizes that he’s been taking you for granted and how great your life is without him, he’ll want to run after you in a matter of seconds.
4. Stand up for yourself and set boundaries
Sooner or later, he’ll say that you’re changing and he’ll accuse you of taking him for granted. Or he may tell you that you’ve been asking him for too much.
That’s the right time to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. Don’t just brush yourself or your needs aside just for the pleasure of having him in your life.
5. Set an ultimatum
I genuinely wish that it didn’t have to get to this point but I believe that it’s completely fine to set ultimatums, even though I hate to say it. Sit him down, confront him about his behavior and tell him that you’ll leave unless he promises to change and does actual steps to show you that he’ll be consistent.
Don’t let him get away with it by telling you that you’re manipulating him. He’s been a toxic piece of trash to you for such a long time now, so he doesn’t have the right to complain, especially if he cheated on you.
The most important thing here is that if he doesn’t change, you do have to leave. If he breaks the promises he makes to you, show him how a promise can be kept.
Leave him because you promised to you both that you’d choose yourself if he didn’t choose you.
That’s why I finally chose myself as well. Even when I thought that the unhappiness would linger forever, I stood up for myself, gathered my things, and simply walked away from him.