All couples should have marriage goals for a healthier relationship and a happier future together. Often though, we relax too much in our marriage and forget that it needs to be properly maintained just like any other.
Setting your marriage goals can be just one more fun activity you can do together but you need to take it seriously. It can be very effective and motivate you both to put more effort into the relationship.
Most importantly, marriage goals can help you move forward and live the life you always dreamed of.
If you’re inspired to set some individual goals, do that too but don’t neglect your marriage ones. The two of you need to have some that you’re both trying to achieve as a team.
Isn’t that what a married couple should be? You are a team and making realistic goals, as well as those more challenging, will help you work together as one.
Don’t set any that are too vague or unrealistic and focus on specific things instead.
Instead of setting a goal such as spending more time together, set one to have a date night every week. As long as it’s something precise and specific, it’ll be easier to achieve it.
Don’t set goals that are impossible to measure or attain. Stay away from promising to be perfect and just say that you’ll avoid certain words and communicate better.
I’m sure that you’ll come up with some of your own marriage goals but for now, grab a pen and paper and write down some of the ones I suggest below.
The best marriage goals for a healthier relationship
I’ll give you some roughly defined goals but use them to create more specific ones. Sit down together and talk about what suits you both.
These are some basic things that all married couples should pay more attention to. Sometimes, we take simple things for granted, so start with these basic goals and keep progressing as a team.
1. Less screen time, more time together
It’s time to put down those smartphones and have some smart conversations instead! This is something all married couples should think about.
Don’t spend all your time practically glued to your devices and screens. Some couples even have problems because they spend more time on their phone or in front of the TV than with each other.
Go screen-free for a while and start talking more. If you don’t feel like speaking, that’s okay but don’t pick up your phone right away.
You can always read books or simply enjoy a glass of wine together, which will strengthen your bond and you’ll spend more quality time together.
Unplug and reconnect with each other! Set aside an hour every night without technology… or even the entire weekend when possible.
Interacting without technology to distract you is guaranteed to improve your bond.
2. Focus on each other’s positive qualities
Every now and then, you’ll feel a bit annoyed by your spouse.
Being married and sharing a home with someone for days that turn into years can get quite repetitive. Married couples often fall into a rut and it’s not necessarily a bad thing until you start feeling bad about it.
Cooking, cleaning, working, driving, going to the same places, doing the same things… Even though there is something comforting about getting so comfortable with your routine as well as with each other, it can cause problems.
When we hear about love and marriage, no one mentions the dirty clothes on the floor and snoring all night and small things like that can start getting on your nerves more than they should.
When everything your partner does starts to annoy you, taking a step back is a great idea. Give yourself time to breathe and try focusing on your partner’s positive qualities.
For instance, maybe they never wash the dishes but they never forget to pick you up from work. Perhaps they always forget to lock the door but they never mind walking the dog.
It could be anything really but as soon as one of their negative traits pops up in your mind, remember a positive one. Surely there are many things that you love about them and one of your marriage goals is to never forget that.
3. One of the most important marriage goals is to have date nights more often
Date nights are a crucial part of a happy marriage. To have date nights, you don’t even have to go to a fancy restaurant and as a matter of fact, you don’t even need to leave your home.
All you need is something romantic, simple, and fun that you can do together. You have to make time to enjoy each other’s company and keep the spark alive.
Maybe you can have a romantic candle-lit dinner at home or a picnic in a park. It can be anything really, as long as you do it together and both find it romantic and fun.
Talk to each other to see which date night ideas would be great for you. Sometimes, even just a good movie that you’ll comment on while you cuddle and eat pizza is a great idea.
4. Show love with small, kind gestures
Materialistic things can only take you so far and it’s the small, kind gestures that really spread the love.
Who wouldn’t mind getting a beautiful, expensive gift they wanted but didn’t buy for themselves? Well, there’s nothing wrong with that but a relationship’s true value hides in little things that matter a lot.
To survive all the bumps in the road, you need trust, compassion, and loyalty, which are things that can’t be bought with money but can be shown through thoughtful gestures.
Think about what you can do for each other every day just to smile and feel loved.
Maybe you can gather some wildflowers when you’re on your way home from work. Perhaps you can surprise your spouse with their favorite meal waiting for them when they get home.
When you need to go somewhere while your spouse is sleeping, leave them a love note. Put a smile on their face as soon as they wake up without even being there!
Small gestures like these are the marriage goals all couples should have. Brighten each other’s day in any way you can and you’ll both feel happier.
5. Invent new rituals
All married couples have their own little rituals but creating new ones is never a bad idea. Invent your own little rituals and you’ll have a better connection.
Simple, sweet things such as drinking coffee in bed together every day when you wake up are great! They’ll strengthen your bond and you’ll have more special things that you share only with each other.
Maybe it could be watching a scary movie every Sunday at 8 pm. It could be anything you want it to be.
While you’re at it, come up with some inside jokes and phrases that you use only with each other. You probably already have some but there can never be enough.
Seeing how others don’t get what you’re laughing about will only draw you closer to each other.
6. Choose a hobby that you can enjoy together
Trying out new interests is a great idea and if you try them together, it’s even better!
Maybe you could go dancing or play tennis, or you could start collecting something as a hobby or enjoy video games together.
Something fresh, new, and exciting will make things more interesting and it’s best when it just somehow happens on its own.
My husband and I enjoy watching interior design shows and implementing the things we learn. Naturally, our place looks nothing like those we see on TV but changing things and trying to make our home better for us is so much fun!
7. Be grateful for each other and what you have
Unfortunately, many married couples eventually start taking each other for granted. You can’t let this happen to you, so prevent it, you just need to be grateful for each other and what you have.
Tell each other what you are grateful for and what you like about each other. Don’t forget to say please and thank you and show appreciation to one another.
8. One of the easiest marriage goals to achieve is to be each other’s biggest support
Throughout our life, we’re always encouraged to pursue our dreams. We get told that we can be anything we want to be and achieve anything we put our mind to.
This is the encouragement that we need and it shouldn’t stop once we get married.
You and your spouse both have your own goals, hopes, and dreams and you should talk about them. Hopefully, some of them even match and represent your marriage goals and not just individual ones.
Maybe you want to travel to a specific destination after you retire or you want to start a business together right now. Perhaps you’d just like to sell your home and buy a bigger one or move somewhere else.
Encourage each other to pursue those dreams and show support for each other’s individual goals too, which will lead to conversations about your future.
What’s better than planning a future together?
9. Start your day with a kiss and end it with one too
Starting and ending every single day with a gentle kiss is a sign of a happy marriage. It doesn’t even have to be romantic every time; just a reminder that you’re sharing a life together.
Hug each other too and show gratitude and respect for each other. This kind of affection can also be your way of showing appreciation for each other and celebrating the bond you share.
What’s a better way to start and end your day than with a kiss and a hug from your significant other?
10. Find time for intimacy
Not everyone is into PDAs, especially married couples, but there are entirely appropriate ways to build intimacy. Little gestures that show affection won’t bother anyone around you.
Hold hands while walking in the park and kiss each other on the cheek when you’re with family. Place an arm around your spouse when you’re sitting on a bench and even that will build closeness.
You could even set aside half an hour a day to just cuddle under a warm blanket while you’re at home.
11. Improve your communication
Your communication can always benefit from some fine-tuning. Your spouse is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with so it’s only natural to work on a connection and the best connection comes from communication.
To have a healthier relationship, you simply need to work on your communication in any way possible.
How? Talk to each other about your day, discuss the decisions you need to make, give each other compliments, and talk about the future.
Share with your spouse how you feel and what you want or need and let them do the same. Ask questions to keep the conversation going and let the communication flow.
When you don’t know what to talk about, remember your common interests and the things you do together. Hey, you can even talk about the movies you’ve watched.
You are supposed to talk on a daily basis so you’re bound to occasionally run out of things to say. Do try to chat more though and make your conversations more meaningful.
If you’re having trouble communicating better, you can try reading some self-help books on that topic as well.
12. One of the most often overlooked marriage goals is to give each other some space
Being married doesn’t mean that you must spend every waking hour together. Your spouse and you both need some space every now and then.
Sharing a life together is huge and you need to enjoy a lot of things together and feel good in each other’s company. However, sometimes you need some ‘me time’ and a life outside of the relationship.
Encourage your spouse to hang out with friends sometimes and you do the same. Let them go to the gym, go shopping, or whatever else they’d like to do without you.
Don’t take it as a sign that they don’t enjoy your company anymore. As important as spending time together is, spending time apart is crucial too.
Don’t be overly controlling and understand your spouse’s need for space as well as your own.
13. Go on romantic getaway trips
It’s incredible how alive and recharged you can feel when you travel. Put yourselves in new surroundings and let your love blossom.
Married couples should travel as often as possible. Maybe you can’t afford a five-star hotel but you can find a romantic cabin in nature.
You can simply drive for a while and let the road take you on an affordable escape, like camping, fishing, and enjoying the sounds of nature.
Even if you’re not that outdoorsy, it’s still your chance to try something new. There’s nothing wrong with just traveling to another city and exploring its shopping malls instead.
This is your romantic gateway so it’s up to you but make sure to go on one every now and then. If anything’s going to keep the spark alive, it’s those little escapes from everyday life where there’s just the two of you.
14. Leave the past behind
When you got married, you basically agreed to leave the past in the past, where it belongs.
The people you dated before, little indiscretions, and any questionable choices, they made you who you are today but now it’s all behind you.
Your partner chose to spend a lifetime with the person you became due to your past but your past doesn’t belong in your future together.
Don’t ever use your partner’s past against them during arguments. A lot of people bring up past mistakes in a relationship and it’s borderline toxic.
The two of you aren’t the same people you were before you got married. Your lives changed and so have you.
You can’t hope for someone to transform entirely, so you have to accept each other with your past experiences. Don’t let them poison your marriage.
15. Don’t let the little things bother you too much
There are challenges on every road you take and there will surely be some in your life together but you shouldn’t get stressed out over small things. Whether it’s small-town gossip or a lazy colleague, let it go.
Don’t let these small things disrupt the balance in your relationship.
Your spouse and your kids (if you have them) are your inner circle. You should keep it a sanctuary where you’ll all be safe from bad outside influences.
Your inner circle should be like a place where you feel calm and loved. You need to feel safe, so don’t let any negativity in.
Naturally, you can talk to your partner about the things that bother you but don’t let them consume you. If you do, they’ll have a negative effect on your marriage and your loved ones.
16. Read helpful books
Everyone thinks that they can handle things on their own without outside help. Often though, that other-person perspective and insights are needed to have a healthy relationship.
Don’t hesitate to find some self-help books that will guide you toward a healthier marriage.
There are some rules for a happy marriage that you should definitely know about too. We often assume that people just love each other and that’s it but it’s not.
Healthy, happy marriages require mutual effort and dedication. It’s something you and your spouse both need to work on and you need to never stop improving it or fighting for your love.
17. Learn each other’s love language
People show love differently and you need to know each other’s love language. Don’t expect your spouse to show you love the way you want them to; you need to understand their way of showing love.
Maybe they don’t surprise you with tickets to your favorite concert but they do the dishes because they know you hate doing it.
Perhaps they don’t buy you an expensive gift you’ve dreamed of but they leave you a love note before leaving the house while you’re asleep.
You may not compliment your man because you don’t know the words to describe your husband and instead, you buy him a tie for a business meeting.
Perhaps you don’t buy flowers for your wife but you do drive for hours to get her her favorite burger.
These are all ways to show love and your spouse has their own just like you do. Understand each other’s language and create your own that you both understand.
18. Don’t use certain words during fights
When an argument gets heated, it’s hard to think straight. You need to keep in mind the importance of friendship in marriage, though, so avoid treating your spouse like an enemy.
When we get upset, losing our temper and using hurtful words easily happens. Sometimes, the words we use can hurt so badly that it’s impossible to take them back later.
Regardless of what kind of fight you’re having, avoid using ‘never’ and ‘always’, as these words often cause a fight to escalate.
Don’t tell your spouse that they never help around the house. It’s not true that they always make you feel unappreciated either.
The words ‘never’ and ‘always’ are rarely actually true. You feel that they are at the time but taking a step back is important.
If your spouse ‘always’ makes you feel bad and ‘never’ does things for you, why did you marry them? Probably because it’s not true that they ‘always’ and ‘never’ do certain things.
So, always be aware of the words you use while you’re fighting with your spouse. Don’t even think about using the word ‘divorce’ just because you’re mad at them and want to hurt them.
The same goes for some other words that are simply there to make them feel bad. By changing your wording, you can change your marriage for the better.
19. Celebrate things more often
You could definitely use more celebrations in your marriage. Being married can be difficult but there are those wins and joys that often go unnoticed.
Don’t forget important dates and anniversaries but also celebrate anything that you feel like celebrating; open a bottle of champagne even when nothing so special has happened.
Celebrate the moments and all that you’ve achieved together and you’ll see that every day is a special day when you’re with them. Love each other and celebrate the good times because there are many more to come!