Loving another man after being emotionally abused by your ex-boyfriend is difficult. You don’t perceive love the same way you did before being in an abusive relationship.
Having a partner who emotionally abuses you will change your perception of reality. His mood and behavior constantly change and you never know how he’s feeling or what he’s thinking.
And that’s how he was with her. At one point, he was able to tell her that he loved her, and soon after that, he said the worst things to her and called her names.
He pretended to be someone he wasn’t, which is why she was surprised every time he kissed and hugged her. But that didn’t last forever.
Soon after, he would yell at her and start fights with her about insignificant things, stuff that wasn’t that important. And he blamed her for everything that happened.
He always said that it was her fault he behaved that way toward her, like she made him say all those mean words and do all those bad things.
He always played the victim in every situation and she started thinking that she was really the source of all the bad things that happened in their relationship.
That’s why she contemplated changing herself so she wouldn’t be the cause of all those fights and arguments. He made her think that they were unhappy because of what she did.
Being emotionally abused by your partner will certainly lead you to question your own worth and wonder whether you’re enough for them.
That’s exactly what happened to her. She believed that she wasn’t worthy of receiving or experiencing true love.
Due to his abusive behavior, she thought that everything that happened to her was somehow her fault.
She went through hell and back but she eventually became aware that it was never about her, as she wasn’t the one to blame for all the bad things that happened in their relationship.
She finally stood on her own two feet and rebuilt her life from scratch. Her insecurities started to disappear as she worked on them, day in and day out.
Her self-esteem increased because she finally knew that she could be enough for the right man, and most importantly, she found happiness within herself.
How? Well, she learned to love herself again.
Being in an emotionally abusive relationship made her guarded. She built walls around herself so high that no one could climb them.
However, she finally found peace. Her life became stable and she began to smile once more.
It took her a long time to get there and she’s now always scared that she may lose it all. She’s afraid that someone else may treat her the same way he did.
She doesn’t want her heart to be broken again by a monster who doesn’t know how to love a woman properly. She knows that it would mean making the same mistake twice and that all her efforts will have been in vain.
Even though she never lost faith in love, she’s scared that other men are like her ex.
She keeps telling herself that there are still good guys out there who will love her the same way she loves them but she’s afraid to let someone into her life.
That’s why she’s searching for someone who’ll make her feel safe and secure. Trust is very important in a healthy relationship and that’s exactly what she’s asking for from the next man in her life.
That’s the reason why she’s taking her time to evaluate whether the next guy is trustworthy.
Creating trust with a partner takes time and taking things slowly is something that she’s used to by now. She can’t rush things and experience the same abusive behavior she once did, as her heart wouldn’t be able to endure it.
She doesn’t give her trust to just anyone. Finally, she learned that trust is something that has to be earned.
She won’t settle for anything less than she deserves and her next boyfriend needs to know that. She won’t mind taking things slowly, so she’ll let her guard down but not a minute sooner than she knows she can trust him.
All that time with her abusive partner, she was fighting her feelings as she couldn’t express them freely. As a consequence of that, she spent endless nights crying herself to sleep because he wouldn’t listen to her.
She’s searching for a man who’ll understand that she’s a human being with emotions. She wants someone who’ll actively listen to her and satisfy all her needs.
Being in an emotionally abusive relationship will definitely leave certain scars on you. She was told that she wasn’t enough, so now she’s afraid to let herself go and truly embrace her emotions.
Every time a man gets close to her and things get a bit serious, she backs down, thinking that he’ll hurt her again like her ex did. She pulls away but deep down in her heart, she wishes for this guy to hold her tight and never let her go.
Once she finally meets a man who fits her criteria, she will give love a second chance but first, she has to feel safe with him before taking a leap of faith again.
She doesn’t want to lower her standards just because she’s single. She knows what she wants now and she won’t settle for anything less.
Her past experiences taught her how strong she really is and how she has to love and respect herself more. It’s true that she learned that the hard way but that’s how she became the woman she is today.
She has no problem walking away from a man if she sees the signs that he’s toxic or abusive. Know that her expectations are not unrealistic, it’s just that she knows now what love should never look like.
Any sort of abusive behavior is unacceptable and she understands that now. Her partner shouldn’t make her feel bad about herself, as that’s not what love is.
Love is being supportive and kind toward your partner. And most importantly, love doesn’t hurt.