The ending of a romantic relationship can be very painful and emotional for both people. Some may say that it feels as if someone is ripping your heart out of your chest.
You’re going through a roller coaster of emotions, especially if your feelings aren’t reciprocated. So why then is letting go of an ex who doesn’t want you so hard?
After all, your ex doesn’t care about you anymore. It shouldn’t be that difficult to leave a man who doesn’t want you, am I right?
Well, love isn’t simple and neither are break-ups. Being left alone by a man whom you love very much can be devastating.
You start questioning your worth, you indulge in ice cream, you text him at 2 am saying how much you miss him, and you go through all of the stages of post-break-up life. But what if you can’t seem to make peace that it’s over between you two?
You know you’re only imagining that there’s a possibility of getting back together with him but you can’t stop yourself. However, by letting go of an ex who doesn’t want you, you actually become stronger and more resilient.
It’s healthy for you but it does take a lot of work and effort to get back into the dating scene again.
Reasons why letting go of an ex who doesn’t want you seems like an impossible task
No one’s perfect and everyone has flaws. It’s quite normal to experience a break-up but it’s rather tough to find a way to cope with it.
In most cases, we’re trying to find a way to hide our emotions and sweep them under the rug because it’s easier than to face them. But for you to emotionally heal from the break-up, you need to confront your biggest fears and acknowledge your feelings.
If you don’t do that, they’re only going to resurface later on once you do find someone new. That can only worsen your relationship with your new partner, as he’ll question whether or not you got over your ex.
You may be wondering why letting go of an ex who doesn’t want you seems like an impossible task. In this article, I’m going to list a few possible reasons why you can’t move on from your previous relationship, and later, I’ll explain how to deal with those emotions.
1. Innate insecurity
It’s understandable to feel insecure about yourself when you’re threatened with the loss of someone who means so much to you. When your comfort zone is being faced with an unpredictable threat, you’ll use some kind of a defense mechanism to help you overcome that legitimate fear of sadness and despair.
And as time passes, you’ll be able to move one.
Sadly, many people don’t have the emotional capacity or intelligence to cope with their anxious thoughts that are a result of experiencing multiple losses in the past. Perhaps you’re one of them, so that’s why it’s difficult for you to let go.
Those feelings of loss and discomfort make you feel helpless and hopeless and make you question whether real love actually exists. Sometimes, that pain you feel when someone significant leaves your life can overcome any hope that things will ever get better.
In those situations, most of us tend to build a wall around our heart so that we never get hurt again.
2. A fear of being alone
Maybe the reason you can’t seem to let go of your ex who doesn’t want you is that you’re afraid of being alone. It’s pretty common to feel this way since human beings are rather social and we spend the majority of our lives searching for someone who’ll give us a sense of security and belonging.
In order to better understand this and overcome the problem you have, you need to ask yourself what’s keeping you from enjoying single life. Do you behave differently when you’re in a relationship and when you’re single?
The answers to those questions can help you determine whether or not you’re scared to be alone. But you should know that being single isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you, as there are many benefits to not being in a relationship.
For one, you get to enjoy your life to the fullest by doing the things you want to do. You don’t have to ask your partner for permission and you can go out every night and meet new people.
You can also focus on self-development and start changing the things about yourself that always bothered you. That way, you can prepare yourself both mentally and emotionally for dating other guys.
And who knows, maybe the next guy you meet will be the man of your dreams.
3. A fear of failure
Some people have this inborn fear of failing at anything and relationships are just one piece of that puzzle. Maybe you feel worthless or insignificant if don’t have a partner by your side or perhaps you can’t stand that your efforts may not end up in something as important as a romantic relationship.
Because of your fear of failure, you tend to overreact when something goes wrong. And maybe you took all the blame after your boyfriend left you but that’s only because you have this feeling as if you should have done more or better.
However, you’re wrong to think this way. You’re perfect as you are and if you feel like you gave him everything and he didn’t reciprocate, then maybe it’s all his fault and not yours.
4. It feels better to make excuses
When we get dumped by our partner whom we love with all of our heart, we simply don’t want to accept the bitter truth that this person wasn’t into us. It’s in our nature to attach significance to every single action and word of theirs.
Even if we have all the facts in front of us, we’ll go through a period of denial before we accept them.
It could be that you didn’t see that he started taking you for granted or that he was distant or maybe he said he needed some time apart but you didn’t recognize the hint that he wasn’t that into you anymore.
You fail to accept that because it’s not ok with your psyche. Instead, what you do is make every excuse that you can think of in order to make yourself feel better about the situation.
You rationalize any and every detail so as to create a story to reflect that this was the other person’s fault. Your friends and family probably say how crazy you are to think that way but it makes perfect sense when it’s happening.
After all, you need to maintain your sense of self-worth. Therefore, you convince yourself that your ex was imperfect and terrible toward you and it was him who just lost the best thing he ever had.
I mean, you probably are the best person he could ever have but you weren’t the one he was going to marry no matter how badly you wanted it.
5. It’s easier to hold on to hope than it is to accept reality
Being in a state where your heart is broken into a million pieces, it’s easier to get lost inside of your own thoughts than it is to accept the situation as it really is. But this is the most dangerous thing you can do to yourself as it stops you from letting go of an ex who doesn’t want you.
You’re hoping that things will change and you become trapped by that idea. If you convince yourself that the other person made a mistake and that he’ll come running back to you in no time, then you have plenty of material to obsess over your ex.
Hope can keep you awake at night, as you’ll continue to believe that he still has feelings for you when the reality is different. You’ll constantly ask yourself questions like, “Why didn’t I see that coming?” or, “What could I have done differently?“
You’ll create a lot of answers to these questions but sadly none of them will be true. Your ex just didn’t want you.
He probably thought that your relationship wasn’t worth saving and he decided that it was better to be single.
In a way, he did you a favor. After all, he wasn’t right for you.
Is letting go of an ex who doesn’t want you even possible?
The answer is yes but it takes a lot of work to get rid of certain feelings that you have for him. You need to be ready to grab the bull by its horns if you want to take control over your life again.
You can’t be stuck in those negative emotions and thoughts forever. If you do, you’ll strip yourself of the possibility of meeting your better half, the man who is destined to be with you forever.
There are times when you just have to look inside of yourself and admit that it’s OVER! And I know that it’s easier said than done, which is why your goal needs to be to take care of yourself first and then think about others.
1. Accept your grief
It’s hurtful to see that the person you love wants to continue living his life without you. And no matter how peaceful your separation was, being left behind by another person still feels like you’re carrying a heavy burden on your shoulders.
When letting go of an ex who doesn’t want you, the first thing you have to do is accept this grief. If you use it to fuel feelings of regret or self-pity, you’ll never reach the point where you’ll be able to say that you don’t love him anymore.
Your emotions are a part of you and you can’t hide them. You can’t just ignore them and hope that you’ll be better tomorrow.
They exist and you need to embrace them. Accept them for what they are and don’t think that your ex will feel sorry for you in any way.
Whatever feelings you have about the relationship or situation, know that it’s safe to express those emotions freely now, without having to worry about judgment.
Remember that you’re on your own now; only you can take care of yourself. Truthfully, you don’t need a man’s affirmation to feel strong again.
2. Block him
If the break-up happened on good terms, this may sound unnecessary or distasteful but it will definitely help you the most to move on from your ex. This is especially true if he has a new girlfriend and posts it all over social media.
The very fact that he jumped right into a new relationship can make you feel like you didn’t mean anything to him. You’ll find yourself torn up in anger and jealousy and you’ll always be stuck in the past.
By blocking him on all social media, you’ll show him that you’re in control over your own life and emotions. Also, this is another way to empower yourself.
Cutting off contact with your ex can be a true lifesaver, especially if you were the one who was more invested in the relationship. After all, you’ll need all the help you can get to regain some of the confidence you lost after he said that he didn’t want you anymore.
Also, it will give you an opportunity to reflect on your decisions, so that you can plan your next move.
Having clarity is another major benefit of blocking your ex. You’ll be more comfortable talking to other guys, without the fear of your ex coming back and wanting to get involved again.
I understand that this sounds a bit dramatic but it’s actually helpful in the process of letting go of an ex who doesn’t want you.
3. Connnect with your friends
Once you start a romantic relationship with a man, it’s fairly easy to lose the connections you have with your friends. Many of us tend to neglect them and give our partner our full attention.
Even though everyone knows it’s wrong, we can’t help it because we want to spend every waking second with the person we love the most. But now that your boyfriend is out of the picture and you’re trying to let go and move on, another way that you can set your soul free is by reconnecting with your friends.
This is an important step in your healing process but it can be difficult to implement if your break-up was bad and your friends are divided about the situation. However, you can fix that by devoting your time to those people who had your back through it all.
It’s crucial that you go out and socialize during your break-up as it’ll help you get your mind off the situation as well as convey the message to others that you’re doing fine. It can also help you get rid of those negative emotions that you’ve been bottling up inside of you.
Remember that those true friends will be there for you and will help you through the process of moving on. You’ll be making a mistake if you think that you don’t need them at all and that you can heal all by yourself.
4. Practice forgiveness
Even if it seems impossible at first, forgiving yourself and your ex are key components when you’re trying to let go.
It’s normal for you to feel bitter and sad about the entire situation for weeks or even months, as break-ups can alter your entire behavior or the way you think. But keep in mind that you are your own worst enemy.
It won’t do you any good if you exhaust yourself and miss out on the good things in life and that’s exactly the reason why you need to practice forgiveness and say that it’s okay that your partner left you. Don’t turn that sadness into resentment and don’t be angry at him.
He probably had a valid reason for breaking up with you in the first place. Forgiving him and yourself for what went wrong in the relationship is a healthy way to recognize that it wasn’t meant to be and that no one is to blame for that.
By letting go of any past mistakes, you’ll be able to move forward with your life.
5. Free yourself of the negative thoughts
Usually, when we experience a break-up, we tend to look back at the mistakes we made and start doubting whether we’re really worthy of receiving love at all. We bury our head in the sand, thinking that we’ll never find anyone better.
If you can relate to this, then you need to take a step back and free yourself of those negative thoughts immediately. At the end of the day, it is what it is and you can’t do anything about it.
It’s impossible to go back in time and do things differently. I understand that you’re hurting because your ex left you but you have to remind yourself that you need to move on in order to be happy again.
Leaving negative memories behind can help you in the process of letting go of an ex who doesn’t want you.
6. Know that you are enough!
If you ever wish to fall in love again, you need to keep telling yourself that you’re good enough, even though maybe you’re blaming yourself for pushing him away. But no one’s perfect and every relationship has its ups and downs.
So, don’t think you’re the guilty one because you’re not. It could be that you have a toxic ex who’ll always say that it was your fault that you two broke up but that’s only his ego talking.
Remember that with each new experience, you get to learn something new about yourself, so carry that with you into your next relationship.
7. Reconnect with your values
A crucial step toward achieving independence and letting go of an ex who doesn’t want you is to take pride in who you are.
Being with another person can really change you in ways you don’t even know about. That’s why it’s difficult to reevaluate your values after being heartbroken.
You can use this time that you have to reflect on your deepest principles. Ask yourself whether you truly and wholeheartedly believe in them and don’t be afraid to face the truth.
Only by breaking down your current values will you be able to rediscover new things about yourself.
My advice to you is to write down all of your thoughts and feelings in a notebook, as this will definitely help you to slow down your thought process and structure the information in your head.
Keep in mind that part of the healing process of letting go of an ex who doesn’t want you is to acknowledge, accept, and understand your inner feelings and values.
The only one who is holding the cards to create a great life is you. You’re absolutely capable of achieving that and the sooner you realize it, the better you will feel about yourself.
8. Make peace with the past
One of the hardest things to do while letting go of an ex who doesn’t want you is to make peace with the past. You can’t move forward because you feel like something’s holding you back.
Despite that feeling, you have to constantly remind yourself that there’s a part of you that wants to let go of this person and be yourself again.
Whatever is holding you back – whether it’s anger, unfair accusations, unrequited love, or something else – it’s a part of your past now. You can’t fix the relationship anymore, so there’s no need to dwell on it.
Even if your ex tells you that your behavior forced him to break up with you, if you want to move on, you need to make peace with yourself. Brooding over past mistakes or missed opportunities will drive you crazy.
As B.J. Harvey wrote: “Whatever happened in the past belongs in the past. Learn from it, grow, and move on. Don’t let it determine your future.”