If you’re here, you likely have an issue with your daughter. And I get it. She’s probably changed and you don’t know how to deal with that. Don’t worry because almost all parents have gone through the same at least once. And lots of them solved the issue by writing a letter to a daughter who is disrespectful.
Maybe you’re still unsure how to phrase it or what to and what not to include, but you can relax. Why? Because I have some great tips for you that will definitely help you fix the relationship with your daughter. The only things you need to prepare are honesty and love.
Are you ready? Let’s go!
Why is my daughter disrespectful?
When you notice that your daughter is disrespectful for the first time, you are most likely to ignore it thinking that it’s just a bad day. But when that behavior continues, you start to wonder what’s the reason behind it.
Some parents immediately blame themselves, and others don’t. Some try to resolve the problem, while others are hoping that it will be solved on its own when enough time passes. Why sit and wait when you can write a letter to a daughter who is disrespectful and solve the problem as early as possible?
But before you do so, it’s good that you stop and think about what might have caused it in the first place. So I prepared the 3 most common reasons for behaving disrespectfully towards your parents. Let’s check them out together.
1) Because of the generation gap
Well, it’s obvious that there’s a big age difference between you and your daughter, but you are probably confused about how did it suddenly start causing problems. You remember the happy times when it didn’t matter how older you are, but now it’s somehow a big deal.
Let me explain it to you. While our kids are growing up it’s normal that their behavior changes. With that their interests, problems, and opinions are likely to become very different from when they were little. And as time passes it may even change several times.
When they become old enough to have the ability to state their opinions, solve issues, and talk about their interests, they also become more frustrated by everything. And especially their parents who act like they know everything.
Kids want their parents to know that it’s not the same as it was back when they were young adults. Lots of things changed and they don’t want to hear you saying how when they were young people used to get back home by 7 and watch the news.
It’s not like that anymore and they’ll easily get annoyed if you constantly compare their lives with yours.
The generation gap means that you can’t understand your child well, and neither can she. But it’s definitely something that can be solved, so don’t panic! Remember that I promised to help you out!
2) Because she is angry
Another frequent reason for disrespectful behavior is anger. People easily change when they are hurt. Why am I saying hurt and not angry? Because feeling angry is caused by feeling hurt.
You can’t get very sad or irritated because of someone’s behavior if you don’t care about that person. Do you agree with me?
This is when the generation gap might come into play again. Maybe there’s something you’ve said or done, or you didn’t when your daughter expected you to, and now she changed her behavior because she is angry (hurt). Try to go back and see whether there’s something you would do differently.
If something comes to your mind, no matter how small it looks, it could be the reason for her sudden disrespect. Maybe you minimized her problem when she talked about that boy she likes, or you yelled at her for failing an exam but she really studied hard for it.
But sometimes you really can’t see any issues in the past and that’s also okay. But then it’s best to talk to her and try to find a solution. Or choose the option I’ve been talking about, and that’s writing a letter to a disrespectful daughter.
It doesn’t matter what option you’ll pick, what’s important is that you care enough to solve the problems you have.
3) Because she misses you
The first two were not that difficult to understand quickly, but this one sounds tricky. I bet you’re wondering how’s it possible that she’s disrespectful because of the fact that she misses you. Why wouldn’t she just say that, right? No, it’s not!
Sometimes, it’s very difficult to express your feelings, especially when it comes to missing someone. Why is it like that?
Because you can’t really prove the change that made you feel that way. And you sometimes feel like you’re just overreacting. You try to answer the questions you have on your own, just so you don’t cause any awkward situations.
Maybe your daughter misses the way the two of you were close before? Have you missed some of your dinner nights? Or maybe you stopped doing some activity you’ve always done together, like watching movies, cooking, grocery shopping, or anything else that used to be ‘your thing’.
It’s possible that she misses those things but doesn’t know how to tell you so she chose to behave badly and hope you’ll notice her. If it’s like this then she’s waiting for you to reach out and show her that you care and you love her more than anything else.
Think about whether she has any reason to feel ignored by you and if you realize there might be some, don’t wait too much. Talk to her or write her a letter and you’ll soon know the reason behind your daughter being disrespectful.
How to write a letter to a daughter who is disrespectful?
Welcome to the part that will change your life. The part where you’ll find out the best way to write a powerful letter for your daughter who is disrespectful for some reason. If you follow the tips I’ve prepared for you, you’ll definitely resolve the issues the two of you have.
Are you ready for that? I bet you are, so let’s start.
1) Have a plan
You are not likely to succeed if you don’t have a plan for it. So step one is to make a plan. You should think about the pros and cons of the letter. At first, it will seem that there are many cons like she will get even angrier, she won’t understand you, or she won’t care about it at all.
But that is usually not how it goes. If you have a planned structure of the letter and you write it honestly and include your feelings, she will get your point. So, before starting to write it there are some things you need to think about first.
What are the things that annoy you the most, what did she do that hurt you, what were your mistakes, what do you want to achieve with the letter, how do you plan to get it to her, and so on. These are all some things you need to be careful about.
But don’t worry, I’ll explain them one by one.
2) Put yourself in her shoes
Sometimes we get so concerned with our own feelings that we forget to take a look at how other people feel. It’s likely that it also happened to you and your daughter multiple times throughout your lives. It’s normal, but it shouldn’t be something you’ll frequently do.
So if you want to resolve the issues you have, you’ll have to try to step into her shoes. Try to figure out what is the reason behind her disrespectful behavior. Keep in mind the reasons I previously talked about and maybe that will help you understand her more.
The better you manage to understand her feelings, the better you’ll write the letter. You’ll be able to approach in a friendlier way and you’ll have a much bigger chance of getting the best result possible.
3) Decide what are the actions that bother you the most
Another thing you need to do is to decide what actions you consider disrespectful. You can make a list of all of them and the reasons they hurt you or made you angry. Then when you do that circle the ones that had the most impact on you.
Why not write all of them? It’s simple, when you want to solve an issue you have with a person it’s never a good idea to present them with the top 25 list of things they’ve done wrong. Instead, choose the ‘best’ ones and you’ll get the best outcome.
If you’re afraid that she won’t understand how serious it is because you only listed a few things, stop feeling that way. If you write many things there’s a big chance she won’t even bother to consider them problematic because she’ll think you’re just overreacting and getting angry for the smallest things.
But if you only write a few, and explain them very well, she’ll definitely read them carefully and you’ll make her think about them afterward.
4) Be ready to admit your mistakes too
You can’t start writing a letter if you aren’t ready to admit some of your mistakes too. If you thought about the possible reasons for your daughter’s behavior and you actually found a few wrong actions that of yours. Don’t ignore them, use them to improve your relationship.
People love and appreciate when others admit their mistakes and it can motivate them to do the same. It’s because when someone admits that and apologizes, we feel respected and that gives us the strength to do the same.
So, there’s no need to feel afraid to state you’ve made some wrong decisions too. Maybe it was the choice of words, or you simply acted in the heat of the moment, either way, it’s probably something that can easily be fixed.
Admitting your mistakes just shows how fair you are and how important it is for you to have a good relationship with your daughter.
5) Don’t forget to show her that you love her
Okay, now that I’ve mentioned a good relationship with your daughter it’s time to talk about tip number 5. And that one is very important to remember. Don’t forget to show her that you care about her and that the letter you’re writing is just an attempt to understand her more and fix what’s broken.
Don’t write it in a way that she feels attacked or very guilty. Of course, she is wrong and she shouldn’t behave like that. But we’ve agreed that it’s important to try to understand the reasons behind it so we need to give her a chance to explain herself instead of just attacking her.
When you start writing a letter to your disrespectful daughter, don’t do it in a way that it becomes a long letter about her wrong actions. Instead, try to stay calm and explain that you’re writing it because you care about her and you love her more than anything in the world.
So it pains you to have a relationship like this with her and you want to change that and go back to the way it was before. That way you have a bigger chance of helping her realize that the problems can be solved in a different way rather than just showing disrespect.
6) Be sure about what you want to achieve with the letter
If you have a plan then you also need to have the wanted outcome. In this case, you’ll need to know what you want to achieve with the letter you are planning to write.
Do you want to make her call you and apologize? Do you want to teach her that she can’t behave like that? Maybe you want to make sure she knows she’s loved and she shouldn’t feel ignored ever? Or you noticed your mistakes and you want to apologize to her?
Whatever the case, you’ll use that to help you set the tone of your letter. That way you’ll have a huge chance of getting the result you wanted.
7) Decide how you want to give her the letter
And lastly, you’ll need to figure out the way you want to give her the letter. Some people prefer to type it and send it as an email or a message on the social media the two of you use to chat. But others want to do it the old style way and they write it on paper and give it in person, or send it by mail.
You know your daughter the best. If you think she’ll take it hard it’s best you be with her while she reads it. But if you think she would like to be alone when she gets the letter, then stay away and wait for her to contact you. Maybe she wants to process it on her own.
Trust yourself, because you know her and you’ll definitely choose the right option.
What not to write in a letter to a daughter who is disrespectful?
Okay, we’ve discussed how to write it, but now I need to tell you what are some things that you should never write in a letter to a daughter who is disrespectful. Don’t worry it’s nothing difficult to understand. Here are some sentences that could hurt anyone, especially your daughter. Try to avoid them at any cost!
1) I hate the person you’ve become.
2) I’m so disappointed.
3) You are old enough to solve the problems on your own, I don’t want you to call me every day and ask for my help.
4) Pull yourself together, no one will like you that way.
5) I don’t know how other people put up with you.
6) I hoped you will be different.
7) You are a problem I can’t deal with every day.
8) I can’t believe you failed again.
9) I don’t care about…
10) Don’t talk to me about problems, you don’t know what the real issues are.
11) I never thought you could turn out this way.
12) Your behavior annoys me every day.
13) Our house was way more peaceful when you were at your grandma’s.
14) You are always overreacting, it’s so difficult to listen to your drama every week.
15) You should look up to your other siblings and try to be more like them.
Just imagine hearing this from your parents. Do you realize how hurtful it would be for your daughter to hear these things? Never, ever use these phrases, no matter how horrible your relationship is. Even if you think like this, there’s always a more gentle way to state your opinion.
Sentences like those mentioned above can mess with someone’s mental health, and we should avoid using them. Always think before you speak, or write!
How to end the letter?
In order to successfully finish writing the letter to a daughter who is disrespectful, you need to know a few things. The end of the letter is like a conclusion you had to think of when you had to write those University essays. It’s something I like to compare with a touchdown in American football.
If you write something bad at the end, all your previous hard work will go to waste. To conclude try to use some hopeful phrases that will show your intentions are good. Here are some examples:
1) I hope you’ll understand that I just want us to be best friends again.
2) I really want to hear what caused your disrespectful behavior. I’m always there to talk.
3) I’m sorry if some of my actions hurt your feelings, but I always want what’s best for you.
4) We hurt each other, but I want us to resolve all the problems we have. Would you like to do so too?
5) Let’s go to the restaurant we used to go to every Sunday, and we’ll discuss these problems together. I can’t wait to get my best friend back. Love, mom.
6) I never thought I will have to write this letter, but now I wrote it and I hope it will help us solve our issues.
7) I miss you and the way we used to talk to each other. Please think about what I’ve just written and call me when you do.
These are just some ideas that can help you write your own ending. It’s important to make it sound friendly and to be ready to admit a few of your mistakes; if your intention is to improve your relationship with your daughter. And I’m pretty sure it is.
The phrases I wrote for you will make you sound open for discussion and it will show her that you love and care about her.
Example of a letter to a daughter who is disrespectful
My dear daughter,
I never thought I will write you a letter like this, but I really miss the way we used to be before, so this is my attempt to save our relationship. Please don’t think I want to make you feel bad about anything, it’s just that I can’t stay silent anymore.
We used to be best friends and then for some reason something changed. You started missing our Sunday dinners even though dad and I told you we really missed you. Then every time you came over you would yell at me for something I would tell you. Even though I only want what’s best for you.
The only times you call me is when you need something. One day it’s money, the other it’s to babysit or take care of your plants while you’re gone. Sometimes I call you when I need you and you just snap at me because I called at the wrong time. But when you call me at 2 AM it’s suddenly okay for you to do the same thing.
I would do anything for you, and these things are not the problem. You can always ask me for help and I’ll be there for you. But the problem is the way you make me feel for a long time. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to make you sad, but something had to be done.
Remember that if I didn’t love you and care about you, I would never even write this in the first place. I want to help you become aware of how your actions can affect other people. Maybe you didn’t realize it so far, but action will always cause a reaction.
You completely started ignoring my feelings and I feel like you’re only using me for the times when you need something. Other people tell me that your behavior is disrespectful, but I always try to defend you because you’re my daughter and I love you. But I know that they are right.
I hope you’ll never get to hear that your daughter said such horrible things about you to her friends as I had to hear. I don’t think I deserve it and it pains me to think that you see me that way. Sometimes it makes me angry, but then I realize I’m just broken because I lost my best friend, my daughter.
I’m writing this letter to try and get you back. I know that the generation gap is a thing, but I always tried to understand you and what you’re going through. Maybe I sometimes failed and accidentally hurt you. If I did and that caused such behavior, I’m so sorry. My intentions were only good.
Don’t be afraid to talk to me about the problems you have with me. I want to know what’s going on and I’m ready to listen to you. I also hope that you’re ready to hear what I have to say. Maybe I really made a mistake without realizing it, or maybe you misinterpreted a certain situation that lead to this.
Whatever the case, it’s obvious that both of us are unhappy with our relationship and I want to do something about it. If you want the same thing please call me, or visit us this week. I’ll make you your favorite meal and we’ll talk about everything.
Always remember that I love you,