Relationships are tough and raw, and at the same time, beautiful, inspiring, and unique.
However, to love someone is difficult because there is no manual for such a thing.
If your relationship is going well, your life is filled with happiness, but when things are complicated, it causes you anxiety and stress.
While loving someone is great, there is no perfect solution on how to do it. Yes, you can read books about it and you can Google it, but not every aspect of love has been researched.
You need to let life teach you how to do it, how to love again after being hurt.
You just have to enjoy the ride and go with the flow, learn from your mistakes, and never look back.
Don’t regret if some relationships don’t succeed. Do not blame yourself for those failed relationships, and don’t tell yourself you don’t know how to love.
Don’t be restrained by your feelings and don’t do the opposite of what you are feeling.
You might be surprised that not everyone knows how to love, even if they have been in countless relationships before.
There are certain things you will learn through the process of learning how to love again. Love is not just a fantasy that we create in our mind.
Most of us have this broken image of what love actually is.
When we finally experience it and see how different it actually feels from the imaginary love that we have created, we tend to be disappointed.
The problem is not that we have experienced and failed, but because we have created a certain image and now we need to learn how to love again.
So what should you focus on when you start learning how to love again? Well, I will list just a few things you should be aware of.
Become aware of how you actually treat your partner.
You might have mistreated your partner without being aware of it. Your actions need to match your words, that is the whole point.
You must realize that certain actions don’t mean you love them, but rather the opposite.
Sometimes, the actions that we define as being loving are actually not.
If you have a problem with your boyfriend hanging out with his friends, you should instead actually support his independence and not try to cage him.
Don’t ever hold back.
When you love someone, you don’t have to have a fear of saying anything to them.
Withholding is one of the biggest obstacles when it comes to learning how to love again.
Withholding is something that is deeply rooted in your childhood. You used it as a defense mechanism and it just continued to adulthood.
You became a guarded human being who thinks you are incapable of loving.
Well, such an idea can only bring harm to both people in a relationship. Love means to not hold back positive qualities or sharing your opinions.
If you are withholding from telling your partner in public that you love him, even though you know that he likes being affectionate, it might disrupt your relationship.
You might eventually have problems because of that.
To love means to respect their needs and their wishes.
Don’t try to change your partner.
This is actually the most basic truth, and the one that most people get wrong.
We are all taught that we each have a particular type of person with whom we want to be in a relationship.
When we cannot find that, we will be in a relationship with someone else and try to change them and mold them to our wishes.
That’s not the proper idea of what love actually means. Love means accepting the other person as they are.
Accepting their flaws and needs means that we truly love them as they are.
And if you truly love them, then show it, don’t withhold it. Say it as loud and clear as you want. Be there for them no matter what.
Show them that you are capable of loving someone and be their shoulder to cry on.
Love isn’t about playing those silly games over and over again, calculating your every move, and playing hard to get.
Believe me, just stop with those techniques and you will uncover a truly magnificent world.
Loving means to listen and to try to understand them without any selfish acts. To accept their shifts and changes.
Love means to stop being selfish and put someone else’s needs above yours.
Your desire should be to make the other person happy, loved, and appreciated, and stop looking at only your own needs.
The desire and enthusiasm to make the necessary sacrifices is what love actually means.
You’re not obligated to sacrifice yourself wholly for another person, but their happiness and well-being should be above your own.
You will turn every stone and climb every mountain just to reach that milestone.
You’re there to make their life easier, to support them and make them happier, which is a beautiful thing.
It’s the greatest feeling when their happiness fulfills your happiness.
Remember, loving someone takes a lot of work and dedication.
If you are working on their happiness and expecting something in return, you will never know what true love really means.
Such work doesn’t need to be a bad thing per se. I know that putting so much effort into one person is a lot, but it is all about perspective.
The end is more rewarding than the process itself.
You want that deep connection, and to understand him on another level. To achieve that, you must put in the work.
The right partner will recognize your efforts and will reciprocate.
Don’t give up if you fall on your first try. You had bad grades at school and you didn’t quit after failing for the first time, am I right?
And lastly, you cannot make someone love you.
One of the most important lessons to learn if you want to learn how to love again could also be the most devastating.
You cannot make someone love you just because you love them, no matter how hard you try or how much time and effort you put in.
You need to focus on the things that you can control, on your behavior, and just play your part.
Show respect, appreciate them, and hope they will reciprocate.
Hope is a tricky thing, but having hope can bring you things you could never before imagine having.
You need to be generous with your love and soul and someday, someone will do the same for you.
You must be aware that respect, compassion, and honesty must be freely offered without any pressure. Only then will you know what love truly means.