Are you confused and frustrated about your lazy husband? Do you have the feeling that he’s been taking you for granted lately?
Does it seem to you as if the flame between the two of you is slowly dying? Are you searching for ways to spice things up a bit in your marriage?
These are the questions that many wives ask themselves when they have a lazy husband. His laziness influences the way you treat each other.
Having an idle spouse can certainly get on your nerves. You may be angry at him for not doing enough household chores, even if you both have full-time jobs.
Maybe he expected to have a stay-at-home wife and not a career-oriented woman and you found that out years into your marriage.
This can greatly affect your mental health. You’ll get tired of him not helping you around the house enough or with your kids.
After all, you didn’t decide to marry a mama’s boy who didn’t know how to take care of himself.
The worst thing that can happen to you is if your lazy husband doesn’t want to do anything at all. This is when he isn’t keen on helping you around the house, with the children, or doing any fun activities with any of you.
You’ll start to question his loyalty and your gut may tell you that he’s cheating on you.
While your husband’s laziness could definitely be an attitude problem, it could instead be a potential red flag that something more serious is happening with him. Before taking any active steps toward fixing your husband’s laziness, you should consider whether he’s severely depressed.
Maybe he has a mental illness or some other issue that you didn’t know about. In that case, cleaning up will be the least of his worries.
Some people need to go to the doctors to get a check-up so they can treat their low energy levels. However, if there’s no medical reason for his laziness then you could search for ways to get him off the couch.
What are the signs of a lazy husband?
Various practical suggestions can work to help your husband become more active in the household. After all, you wanted a man who would do his fair share and not just a breadwinner.
The most important thing is to be patient, as nothing will be solved overnight. It’ll take some time for your husband to become more active and you can assist him by being a supportive wife.
There will certainly be days when you don’t feel like doing anything. You just want to lie down, put your feet up, and listen to some music, watch TV, or look at some funny memes.
This doesn’t make anyone a lazy person. It means that you’re feeling lazy that day and that you need some time for yourself.
However, if your husband constantly avoids doing anything and spends all his time on the couch, that could be a sign that he’s just an inherently lazy man.
Many people are just easy-going but there’s a thin line between being lazy and being laidback.
I know that you’re fed up with his behavior, so here are the signs your husband is lazy.
1. He conveniently forgets what his duties are
Does your husband occasionally act as if he can’t understand what you’re saying? He doesn’t know where to look for the baby’s bottle, even though you told him where to find it?
He’ll simply make excuses for not doing any of his chores or duties. But he’ll also find a way to blame you for not reminding him of them.
That’s why you’ll hear your lazy husband say things like, “You didn’t tell me that I had to take the trash out,” or “You forget to remind me that I had to buy milk.”
You’ll often see him being ‘forgetful’ and I know that frustrates you because you already have so many things to do. And even if you point his mistakes out to him, he still repeats them over and over again.
That’s when you know you have a lazy husband.
However, a successful marriage means that both partners share the same amount of duties.
He can’t expect you to tell him which errands he needs to run every day and what he has to do but a conveniently absent-minded husband will just do that.
He’ll always use some excuse for not doing the things he has to do. He may even make up a story about how his body aches even though he has to fix the sink or at least find a plumber who’ll do that instead of him.
2. He’s a mama’s boy
Is your husband as demanding as your kids? Does he seek attention from you every minute of the day?
If that’s the case, then you have definitely a lazy husband. Such a man will always need attention from you, from the moment he wakes up until you go to bed at night.
You have a man who’s a mama’s boy, who doesn’t know how to take care of himself because his mom did all of his chores for him.
You’ll have to focus your anti-lazy parenting skills on him. Be prepared to get angry at him at least a dozen times a day, since he’ll do nothing around the house unless you specifically tell him to.
This mama’s boy is quite the opposite of a new-age husband whose mission is to provide for the family and help their wife at home. But with a bit of thinking, you can get your lazy husband to do some chores around the house.
Like you would do with a 7-year-old kid, you can tell him to clean up the garage and in return, you’ll give him a nice reward.
Be patient, though, as changing your man’s perspective on domestic work and childcare can prove to be rather challenging.
3. He’s an extremely unproductive husband
One of the signs you have a lazy husband is when he constantly finds excuses for not doing the things he should be doing, such as paying the bills, washing the car, or babysitting the kids.
On top of that, you may have a selfish husband who is unemployed and doesn’t know what he wants from his life. If this profile fits your husband then you’re dealing with a man who is both extremely unproductive and idle.
In that case, you may have to do something drastic as you can’t depend on him, and him being both lazy and unemployed can really damage your marriage.
If he refuses to search for a full-time job or spends days without showering or stepping out of the house, that’s a sign of an extremely slothful husband.
Your best solution would be to take him to therapy and hope that he figures out that he needs to make some major changes in his life if he wants to stay with you.
4. He seems clumsy
Another sign that your husband is lazy is when he knows how to camouflage his indolence with being clumsy. On top of that, he’ll be a selfish husband to you and he’ll never help you with anything around the house.
Even if he decides to do something, he’ll do it in such a pathetic way that you won’t ask him to do it again, ever. You’d rather do it yourself than ask him to help you.
5. He’s a chauvinist
Has your husband ever said to you that he won’t do something you asked him to do because it’s not his duty – it’s yours? Does he say that a man’s job isn’t cooking or cleaning the house?
If that’s the case with your husband, then you have a lazy spouse who is also a selfish chauvinist and an immature man. He’ll always say that it’s not his duty to help you with the kids or in the kitchen.
Also, he’ll always try to show his male superiority while hiding his laziness from you and he may even try to control or manipulate you so that you do things his way.
He’s a selfish chauvinist who doesn’t know what marriage means and the word ‘teamwork’ doesn’t exist in his vocabulary except when you’re talking about sports.
He probably thinks that arguing about chores will demoralize you into not expecting him to help you.
6. He sweet-talks you
Does your husband say nice things to you when he needs to do something? Does he flatter you every time he has to take out the trash or go and pay the bills?
If so, then that’s an obvious sign you have a lazy husband.
If your spouse regularly says things like, “I can’t do it as perfectly as you do,” or, “You’re better at this than I am,” then he’s trying to get away with doing nothing by sweet-talking you.
And if he does that, then you know you have a sluggish spouse who is the master of sugar-coating.
How to deal with a lazy husband
I know that you’ve probably read a lot of marriage advice on how to deal with an idle spouse and some of it may work, while some will have no effect on your husband.
The thing is, marital duties have changed a lot over the years. In the past, it was expected for the man to be the breadwinner while the wife took care of the household but that’s not the case anymore.
More women started to work and they now expect their husband to share some of the household responsibilities just like they share their finances.
Many men refuse to change, though, even when they know it’s not right to treat their wife unfairly. Instead of him embracing change, the wife has to take drastic measures to make their marriage more equal and healthy.
That’s why you’re left with two choices. You can either file for divorce or try to infuse a sense of accountability and responsibility in him.
Don’t worry, not all is lost, as there are ways to deal with your lazy spouse. Be patient and use your intelligence to work on him a bit.
1. Don’t threaten your lazy spouse
No matter how much your lazy husband tests your patience, you should never threaten him or give him a deadline to get something done. You should always try to find another way because otherwise, he’ll probably never do it.
If you instead convince him that you’re going to be patient with him and you’re going to wait, no matter how long it takes to get the job done, then he’ll get it done.
You never know, he may even surprise you by doing it better than you previously expected from him.
When you’re married, you should never base your relationship on threats or deadlines because it’ll push the other person even further away. They’ll feel pressured and won’t have the will to do them.
It’s always better to openly talk to your partner, as good communication is one of the pillars of a successful and healthy marriage.
Tell him what you expect from him and then wait. Don’t let your emotions get the better of you, even though he’ll certainly test your patience.
2. Stay away from redoing anything that he’s done
If your husband does something and you see that he did a sloppy job, don’t ever think about redoing it. You shouldn’t try to make it better, especially not immediately after he finished or in the presence of your lazy spouse.
If you do that, you’ll prevent him from doing that particular task again in the future. He’ll see that you’re not satisfied with how he did that job, so it’s better to do nothing.
Also, he’ll think that no matter how good he was, he’s never going to be able to meet your expectations. As a consequence of this, he’ll go back to being lazy on the couch.
Have a little faith in him that he’ll do the job right and use your intelligence to make him become better.
He’s never going to change his attitude or behavior if he keeps thinking that he can’t be enough for you. Let him do the job his way and if you can’t stand watching him doing it wrong, then ask him if he needs you to help him.
3. Try to be thoughtful while dealing with your lazy spouse
When you’re angry and frustrated at your husband, it’s difficult to see his point of view. Instead of being mad at him for not doing things right, shift your focus to the job at hand.
You should be thoughtful while dealing with your lazy husband because there may be a valid reason why he’s acting that way. Maybe he’s suffering from OCD or, as I mentioned before, some other mental health issues.
Even if you have a habit of washing the dishes immediately after you’re done eating, that doesn’t mean that he has to do the same.
Remember to respect and be thoughtful of each other at all times. Being mean or saying bad words to your husband won’t get you anywhere, as he just won’t listen to you.
On top of that, he’ll remain the same or maybe even get worse because he’ll think that he’s not enough for you. So, your best option would be to be considerate because a nice word will go a long way, trust me.
4. Stand behind your words
It’s easy to lose your cool when you know that your husband is lazy. He gets on your nerves all the time so it’s not hard to start screaming and yelling at him.
However, that’s the wrong way to deal with an idle spouse.
Don’t change the tone of your voice or raise it. Instead, be tough and assertive when needed and stand behind your words.
You may think that he’ll listen to you if you raise your voice but in reality, that doesn’t work that well with kids and it won’t work with your husband either.
Stand your ground and let him know that he has to do his assigned task. He can’t make any more excuses because it won’t be solved by itself, so he has to do it.
Maybe you think that he never listens to you but if you can take a step back and not let your emotions take over you then you’ll have it your way.
5. Lower your expectations
Some women have high expectations that their husband will help them whenever they need something. But remember, he can’t read your thoughts, am I right?
In the early stages of marriage, sometimes you’ll have to accept how badly he did the task assigned to him just so that he can learn to do it right next time.
Not having high expectations for your husband doesn’t mean you don’t love him. It’s just that marriage, like a romantic relationship, takes time to make it perfect.
You learn something new about your partner every day, so you have to be patient and wait for him to figure it out on his own.
Most men like to prove themselves to their wife. Don’t strip him of the opportunity to show you how strong and intelligent he really is.
Sometimes you need to take a step back and let him take the lead in a certain situation.
6. Reason things out with him
Your marriage won’t be healthy or successful if you bump heads with each other all the time.
It’s quite normal to be angry and frustrated with your husband but it’s better to try to solve the issue than to make it worse by fighting with each other.
You can calmly point out all the inconveniences that have been caused by his laziness and how it affects you and your children.
Tell him how your kid almost fell down the stairs while he was playing video games with his friends. Or how you almost cut your finger while multitasking in the kitchen, when he was by your side but couldn’t be bothered to help.
Take a deep breath and calm down. Don’t raise your voice and don’t raise your expectations too high.
Make sure you don’t nag on him or use sarcasm while trying to explain the problem.
7. Show that you appreciate him
Appreciation will go a long way in your mission of getting your husband to change his attitude and behavior by fixing his laziness.
Don’t overdo anything and only show him appreciation when he genuinely deserves it. He has to see that you’re speaking from the heart and that your words are genuine.
If you compliment him, then don’t sound fake because he’ll immediately see that. Sometimes men act like kids and they need a slight boost to realize what they have to change about themselves.
You can show your appreciation by letting him spend the night with the guys playing video games or agreeing to watch a movie he desperately wants to see.
8. Go on a trip or a vacation
It could be that your lazy spouse doesn’t get that he needs to change. If that’s the case, then you know what people say: ‘Drastic situations require drastic measures’.
It may sound harsh but sometimes the best way he’ll learn how to get off the couch and take care of himself and is when you leave him for a couple of days.
Tell him that you’re going to visit your aunt or a friend and that you’ll be gone for a few days. Initially, he may try to convince you to stay but you should be able to work around it.
If he’s usually hesitant to let you go, then you can always break the news to him once you’ve already done the trip planning and booked the tickets.
That way, he won’t be able to discourage you from going, considering that you’ve already made all that effort and spent money on the trip.
Leave him with the kids and see what happens next.
After you get home, you’ll see a major difference in his behavior. Your absence will have taught him how to take care of himself, the household, and the kids.
Who knows, he may even surprise you with your favorite meal to celebrate your return.