You don’t show up for yourself anymore. You don’t see how you’re collapsing under the weight of your sadness.
You’re waiting for him to see how your eye-bags grow bigger each time he leaves you alone. You’re always alone, even if you’re in a relationship, because he doesn’t seem to care enough.
You’ve been crumbling and your heart feels heavier with each day.
When we’re growing up, people tell us stories about love that seem so peaceful. They tell us that a happy ever after is just around the corner. They remind us of love each and every day, simply because it seems like the most important thing in the world.
So from a very young age, all of us search for that special connection. We expect to find it in a man who looks at us as if we brought down all the stars from the sky.
You fell for him and felt the love rush through your entire body.
What you didn’t know was that he’s the type of guy who’d give everything just to make your heart flutter. He wanted to call you his as soon as possible because he saw you as someone worthy of him.
However, after a while, it’s like he completely forgot you and that you need him in your life. You carry so much trauma in your bones, that you can feel the pain with every step you take.
But he doesn’t seem to care. He never puts you first and you’re everything but his priority. There’s always something or someone more important than you.
You can just imagine where that’ll lead if you choose to stay. But you don’t even know how you’d leave, even if you did want to try. Even if you don’t feel safe with him, it’s still the safest place for you.
You can’t imagine a life without him because you don’t know what life you’d go back to. You don’t know if you’ll truly be happy without him. There’s a part of you that believes you’re just asking too much of him.
Would things be better if you just lowered your standards and tried to smile more?
Well, I can tell you with certainty that you wouldn’t be doing yourself any favors. Your needs would never be met if you spend an eternity trying to convince yourself that staying isn’t such a bad idea.
It is. It’s the worst idea you ever had.
But before you even consider leaving, you need to understand the importance of showing up for yourself first.
He won’t be there for you. He sees you as a burden to his life – as an inconvenience. The one thing you need to do is make yourself stable enough before you even consider leaving.
You won’t be able to leave if you believe that all of your worth is tied to that one man who doesn’t know how to be in a loving and caring relationship. He just wants to call you his own because he’s afraid of not having you around. He doesn’t want to be alone, and every time he gets scared that he may lose you, he becomes the perfect man all over again.
But can that go on forever?
When you need him, when you’re all alone in your room, crying, he tells you to stop being dramatic. He calls you oversensitive for expressing your emotions.
He doesn’t consider the fact that you may have depression or anxiety. Your mental health is none of his concern.
That’s a huge red flag reminding you that you’ll never be happy with this man. But you can’t leave until the moment you realize that life without him would be so much better.
So keep showing up for yourself when he doesn’t. Because there’s no way he’ll change his behavior just for you. You need to put yourself first now and stop being his little maid.
Stop being his little punching bag just because he can’t seem to handle his issues by himself. Don’t let those things slide any further because your heart and body can only take that much.
You can’t just take everything that he’s dishing out for fear that you may end up alone. Being alone is so much better than being in a relationship that is a complete waste of time.
But as I said before, I see how hard it is for you to make that move for yourself. At least, for now, make yourself your own biggest priority. Make yourself realize that being single and being happy is really possible.
Keep showing up for yourself every single time you feel like your entire life is falling apart. Keep reminding yourself that you’ll always be there because even in the darkest night, you’re always the one who’s there for you.
When everyone else goes to sleep, you’re there to keep yourself together.
So, once you learn how to do that without feeling guilty, you’ll also be able to leave this man. You deserve more than a man like him because you only have one life. You need to pick up the pieces that he’s left behind and keep going without him.
One day, when you’re ready to walk away from him, you’ll thank yourself. You’ll be proud of yourself and all the things you’ve done without his help.
He never once made the effort to be there for you, so you need to be there for yourself. Show him how you need to be loved, by loving yourself unapologetically. Because he’ll never be able to give you what you need to feel like you belong in his arms.
This is your time to finally pat yourself on the back, embrace yourself, pack your things, and even if it hurts, walk away from him. Or at least keep showing up for yourself until you’re ready to do so.